


A Collection of Memories

by Milner



Series: Memories [2]
Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-11 22:25:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 63,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3335015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milner/pseuds/Milner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel to Making a Memory. A series of one shots that focuses on what happens after Tris and Tobias resume their normal lives and try to make a long distance relationship work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ERIC

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! If you've found your way here, let me take a moment and stop you before you continue! This is a sequel, so I highly suggest reading Making a Memory first so you're not totally lost! 
> 
> And If you've already read it, hello again! Just some basic info I wanted to get out of the way before we get started. 
> 
> This story is just shy of 6 years worth of their lives. It focuses heavily on the first year, and then spreads out from there. I've added dates here and there to give you a general time frame of where we're at in their lives. Tris is 20, and Tobias is 22 when this begins, and everyone else is, of course, scattered around them. 
> 
> This story, while linear, basically functions like a bunch of one shots. So sometimes you're going to get a 1000 word update with a little blip of their life, and sometimes you're going to get a 4000 word update that continues into the next chapter and even the one after that.
> 
> What started with the barest of an outline and a handful of ideas, has turned into one of my favorite story lines. While this is my fun story, and there is plenty of that in here, it inevitably took a darker turn. But I think that's just the nature of the characters and life in general. Not everything is peaches and cream. 
> 
> There are also songs to go along with each chapter. You don't have to listen to them, obviously, but some of them really compliment the chapters. There are a few that have a couple of songs attached to it, because why not? (I really love music) And of course some are just there to LOL. So have fun and maybe learn a few new songs!
> 
> Also, as promised, this very first chapter is Tobias' point of view, when he had his run-in with Eric during chapter 13 of Making a Memory. After that (chapter 2), it picks up immediately where chapter 14 of Making a Memory left off. Dual POV's throughout, but everything is in Tris' POV, unless stated otherwise.
> 
> I also created a writing Tumblr! MilnerWrites, (so creative I know) so go ahead and follow me over there if you want. Some chapters in this story have pictures that I pulled inspiration from, (just a few, so don't get too excited.) I'll post them once we get to those chapters. You can ask me questions there, or even give me prompts and all that jazz, if you feel like it. 
> 
> Last, but certainly not least, a HUGE thank you to Bamcn24 for all her support and for helping mold this story into what it is!! I had so much fun writing this, and I really hope you enjoy A Collection of Memories. As always, 3 chapters to start you off!
> 
> Happy reading everyone!

 

 

**Tobias**

I run my hands through my hair for what feels like the millionth time. I'm not sure why I care so much right now. I know it's just dinner, but it's dinner with _her_. I run my hands through one more time, hoping that the one spot in the back that likes to disobey me stays put.

I button my left cuff easily and struggle with my right when my eye catches the clock. Somehow, I'm running late. I take one last look in the mirror and run out the door to catch Tris before she leaves her room.

Halfway there a stroke of panic races through me and I pat myself down. Phone: check. Chapstick: check. Wallet: shit. _Shit_. I left it on the nightstand, which means I don't have any money. Or my room key. I stand there for a moment, contemplating what to do, and ultimately decide that I'll just run up to the purser's desk to get a replacement first.

After a few minutes of explaining why I can't show them my I.D., they finally send me to my room with a crew member who has a copy of my information with him. He lets me in the room with the new key, and verifies my information before switching out the keys. I thank him profusely and pat myself down again before leaving the room this time.

Even though I'm late, I rush through the halls, hoping that she waited for me. As I round the last corner, I run smack into someone.  
“Oh god. I'm so sorry. I wasn't—” I stop, realizing who it is standing in front of me.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” he says, smiling in a way that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “In a hurry, are we?”  
“It’s Eric, right?” I say. “Tris' _ex_.” I smile politely as the emphasis I put on _ex_ wipes the smile right off his face. It might be petty to point it out, but I enjoy it.

“You _are_ him,” he says. “That night on the balcony. You told me you hadn't seen her, but it appears you decided to keep her for yourself. Not a smart decision on your part.”  
 “ _I_ didn't decide anything,” I say.  
“ _Right_." His eyes roam over me as he draws out the word, and I have to wonder what it is that Tris saw in this guy.

"She fuck you yet?” He laughs a loud, hearty laugh. “That's a good one, right? I already know the answer. She keeps that pussy on lockdown tighter than Fort Knox.”  
“Are you always this vulgar?” I ask, having a hard time keeping my composure. Part of me wants to punch him right in the mouth for talking about Tris like this, while another part of me wants to rub it in his face that, yes, we have had sex, and apparently in a quicker time frame than they did.

I _really_ have no idea what she saw in this asshole.

“Vulgar? It's the truth, bro. I'm just trying to tell you that you're wasting your time. She'll tell you all the things you want to hear, but never make good on any of her promises. And then when she finally does fuck you, it's lousy at best.”

Now I know he's just talking shit.

“Right. Well, you have a nice night, Eric,” I say as I turn to leave.   
“Wait, I'm not finished. Did you know she fucked around with my best friend too?” he calls out after me. I don't know why, but I stop walking. “After I dropped her ass for being lame in bed, she begged and begged me to take her back. Instead I pawned her off on one of my friends and she ended up sucking him off in a bar bathroom. She's pretty gross, dude. If you think you're gonna fuck her, you might want to insist on getting tested first. I didn't have to worry about any of that, since I popped her cherry and all.”

I don't remember turning.

The satisfaction I feel as my fist connects with his face, and his ass connects with the floor, is overwhelming. He holds a hand over his eye for a second and stares up at me in disbelief.

“You do _not_ talk about her like that.” I say through gritted teeth. I lean over him, enjoying the switch from disbelief to outright terror, and his already purpling eye. It's a small victory, but it doesn't make it any less satisfying. “You are going to completely forget she exists. If I find out you were even _thinking_ about her, I will make you regret the day you were born. Do I make myself clear?”  
“Fuck you,” he spits.

“That's what I thought. Now if you'll excuse me.” I stand up, straightening the collar on my shirt, and wink at him before I finally walk away. I'm not proud of my outburst —or the twinge of jealousy I feel that she was with that guy— but he deserved it. He deserves worse.

“She's a fucking whore!” he calls out from where he's still sitting on the ground. I know it's all lies. He called her a prude and a whore in the same argument. Not to mention that she already told me what happened, and I have no reason to not believe her.

I check the time on my phone. _Shit_. My run-in with Eric took up more time than I thought. I walk as fast as I can without actually running, and press the button for the elevator more times than necessary. I shut my eyes tight as I go up until I hear the ding, and walk just as fast to the restaurant. Just as I round the corner, I see her, and a wave of relief floods through me. I don't know how I got so lucky.

Seeing her though reignites that fury. Not at her, but at Eric, and all the things he said. I wonder how many other people he has told these stories to. She looks up and catches sight of me, smiling that beautiful smile of hers.

"Four, there you—" she stops. "What? What happened."  
"Nothing," I say, taking a deep breath. I don't know how she knows, but she always has this way of letting me know that she sees me. Sometimes it's subtle, and sometimes it isn't. But it's comforting, and I love that about her.  
"It's nothing. You look beautiful, Tris. Come on, let's go eat." I shake my hand out as we walk into the restaurant, only now noticing the pain and the small cut on it.

 


	2. BOYS

“And just where the hell were _you_ last night?”  
“Jesus, Chris!” I say, holding my hand over my now thumping heart. I didn't expect her to be up, and I haven't even closed the door yet. “Nowhere.”  
“Mmm-hmm,” she says with a knowing look on her face. I try to fight the blush I feel coming on, but I've learned that it's a losing battle. From now on, I’m just rolling with whatever happens.

  
“I was with Four. That's all.”  
 “That's all my ass. You were getting some!”  
 “Oh my god, Chris,” I say, turning and walking entirely too fast to the bathroom. I basically just confirmed her suspicions.

I shut the door and cover my face from even myself in the mirror. I hate that she can read me like a book. Then again, it's not exactly hard when I'm _this_ red. I shake my hands out and turn on the water. After being on the hard roof all night, a bath sounds like heaven.

I smile. I don't know what came over me last night. I mean, I've fooled around a bit in public before, but never anything like that. _I had sex on the roof._ I feel myself blush again, but I can't stop smiling. Tobias just does that to me. I think I like it.

I sink into the hot water and let out a long, contented sigh. I have an amazing boyfriend, a nosy —but amazing— best friend, and an amazing group of new friends. So far, this year is turning out to be better than anything I could have dreamed of.

“You know that whole flower thing was cheesy as hell, right?” she says as soon as I walk out of the bathroom.  
“Chris!” I say, lopping my pillow at her.  
“Oh come on. You know it was. Just admit it.”  
 “Okay. It was, but that doesn't make it any less sweet. He put a lot of time and thought and effort into it, and I liked it. Besides, he managed to get us all together again, didn't he?”  
“Yeah, he did,” she says, a smile creeping across her face. “Okay, I'll forgive him just this once. Next time though I'm calling him out on his cheesiness.”  
“Deal,” I say, laughing.

“So, what's going on with you and Will?” I ask, diverting the attention off of me. “Is it getting, you know, _serious_?” I make a face and wiggle my fingers at her, like being serious with a boy is akin to catching cooties.  
“Well, maybe,” she says, smiling again. “I mean, I like him. _A lot_.”  
“Are you sure you aren't going to get 'bored'?” She gives me a dirty look.

Christina has has more boyfriends than I can count, but none of them ever held her attention longer than a few months. I never looked down on her for it, though. She just always went after the hot jock, or the dude at the club that looked like he belonged in a GQ magazine. Will's a good looking guy, but he's more than just his looks, and that is definitely new territory for Christina. I think no matter what, he'll be good for her.

“I'm not going to get 'bored',” she says, chucking my pillow back at me. “He's not the type of boy you get bored of.” Now it's my turn to smile.

 

* * *

 

 

“Do you want me to leave?”  
“No. What do you think we're going to do? Have Skype sex?” I ask, looking over my shoulder at Christina.  
“I don't know. Maybe,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows. I just roll my eyes and stare back at the computer. Tobias is supposed to be calling any minute now, and I'm more excited than I think I have ever been.

We've texted and even called each other, but he had to change up his class schedule after the first week. With an extra class, his job, and the way my schedule falls, we don't have a lot of free time that synchs up. So Friday night has become our unofficial date night, even if it's only over the computer.

I run my hands through my hair once more just as the screen begins to ring, and shoot Christina a look when she giggles.

“If you're going to act like this, maybe I will kick you out.”  
“Fine. I'm sorry,” she says, lowering her head back into her textbook.

“Hey,” I say when his face finally pops up.  
“Hi,” he says, a wide grin breaking out across his face. “You look beautiful.”  
 “Thanks,” I say, grinning. “You're not so bad yourself.” 

“Gag,” Christina says from behind me.  
“Hello, Chris,” Tobias says.  
“Hey, loverboy. I've just decided that I'm going to leave the two of you alone. Have a good chat and text me when you're done,” she says, grabbing her things and giving a wave goodbye just before she shuts the door.

“What was that all about?” Tobias says, making an odd face. Probably because he just got called loverboy.  
 “I have no idea,” I say. “So, what's new?”  
 “Eh, nothing really. School's the same. Work's the same. Zeke's uncle did get in a new car for a rebuild though. I might try and head over there for an hour or so tomorrow. You want to come?”  
“Do you have time? I mean, to get me and do your thing and bring me back.”  
“Uhh, not really. But I can make time.”

“It's okay then. I don't want to take away from your time with Zeke.”  I've learned through our various conversations, that Zeke and Uriah are basically Tobias's adopted family, so he's always been included in things like this. His mom is gone, and his dad is too into his work and himself to really care about Tobias in one way or another, so I'm glad he at least has them.

Zeke's uncle runs a garage that specializes in restoring old cars; Tobias worked there during the summers before starting college. He hasn't said it outright, but I think that he would rather be getting his hands dirty on cars than studying to be a lawyer. But with his dads political career, Tobias makes it sound like he doesn't really have much of a choice.

“Are you sure? I can figure it out.”  
 “No, I know. It's good for you to have that time too. Have fun. And send me a couple of pictures of the new car.”   
“Okay.”

We spend the next couple of hours talking about nothing in particular. Movies. TV shows. Music. I play the new Coldplay song for him to listen to, and he plays me something from Bastille. As bad as I want to be in Tobias' arms right now, this is nice too. Just us being…us. It's easy and it feels right; it feels like it's something that's worth fighting for. It's not until I get a text from Christina that I realize how late it is.

“Crap. It's late and she won't come back unless we're done,” I say.  
“Okay. I should probably get to bed anyways. I gotta be up early to head over the the garage. You sure you don't want to go?”  
 “I'm sure Tobias. Besides, I need to study anyways. I think I might need to look into getting a tutor.”  
 “For what subject?”  
 “Math, if you can believe it. For whatever reason, this year I'm just struggling.”  
 “What, are you getting a B?” he asks with a grin.

“Ha ha. Goodnight, Tobias.”  
 “Night Tris.” I blow him a kiss before I exit out.

 

* * *

 

“How do I know which one is the best?” I ask Will when he comes up to stand next to Christina and me. The three of us are staring at the cork board in the student lounge. There are flyers upon flyers for tutors, and I can't make heads or tails of any of them.

“Well,” he says. “I think they're all the same, really. Just try to look for one that specializes in what you need. See, like this one is just offering to be a tutor, but this one specifies that they're good in english. We just need to find you a math one.” I look at Christina who just shrugs before lifting up the various ads and looking through them. I sigh and join her.

After ten minutes, we all agree that the one I hold in my hand is the most promising, so I send a text to the number before sticking it back on the board. A few minutes later my phone dings. I was expecting a reply from the tutor, but instead I am met with a picture of Zeke making a face. Another ding, another goofy picture. Then a third with what looks like Tobias yelling at Zeke in the background, and finally a nice picture of Tobias, smiling in front of a heap of junk car.

 _\- Nice_ I reply, followed by a - _Hello Zeke_.

 _\- I miss you Tris!_ I'm not sure which one texted me, but my reply is true for both of them.

 _\- I miss you too_.

“Boys,” Christina says from over my shoulder. I look back to see her smiling and shaking her head. She moves to take Will's hand, and I smile, thinking about our conversation yesterday. I don't think she's giving up on this one so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG: I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz


	3. DATE

I have no idea why I’m so nervous. I check my hair and my outfit in the mirror for what feels like the tenth time while I wait, and I hear a snicker from the other side of the room.

“I swear to god, if you don’t knock it off, I’m going to find a new roommate,” I say. Christina actually laughs this time and I roll my eyes.  
“I don’t know what you’re so worried about. He’s seen you in just about every way imaginable, including _naked_ ,” she says, flashing me a wide smile and a wink. “It’s just a date, Tris. Relax.”  
“I know it’s just a date, but technically, we haven’t really been on one before. Well, like a real, _real_ date I mean.”  
“Tris, you got this. Have dinner. Do whatever you’re gonna do. Have sex. It’s literally like any other day.”

I know she’s right, but it just feels more important than whatever we normally do, which lately consists of just talking on the phone and our Friday nights. Maybe I’m just excited to finally see Tobias in person. To touch him. To hold him. To kiss him. A knock at the door sends me running to get it before Christina does.

“Hi,” I say, sounding out of breath. Tobias raises an eyebrow at me, and smiles.  
“Hi yourself. You look beautiful.”  
“See, I told you that you had nothing to worry about,” Christina says as she saunters up behind me. “Now do me a favor and show her a good time, if you know what I mean. She’s been a little too high strung lately.” I turn around and throw her a look that actually makes her take a step back. I hear Tobias let out a little laugh.  
“I’ll see what I can do,” he says, and I snatch my sweater off the hook.

I don’t look at him the entire walk to his car, thanks to Christina's big mouth. He really didn't need to know…how _high strung_ I really am. He opens my door and I slide in, still avoiding any sort of contact. He doesn’t say anything when he gets in, or even start the car; I can see him staring at me out of the corner of my eye.

I finally take a deep breath, and just as I turn my head, he leans forward, capturing my lips with his. He pulls me in deeper as he slides his hand behind my neck and into my hair. His touch and his taste always puts me at ease, and this time is no exception. When he pulls away, I feel completely breathless, and I want more. He smirks as I stare at him —eyes flicking back and forth between his lips and his eyes— and gives me a little peck just before starting the car. I’m left wondering what that was all about as he pulls out of the lot.

We head to a restaurant called Sliders. I’ve never heard of this place, and from the outside it looks like your typical, run of the mill restaurant. When he opens the door for me though, I laugh. I have to give it to him. He knows just where to take me.

There’s a karaoke area off to the left and an arcade off to the right. There’s also a large bar in the middle, with a few pub tables surrounding it. I look back at him, but he’s just smiling. A hostess greets us, and asks which area we want to be seated in.

“Karaoke,” he answers, and we follow her over to an empty table as someone takes the stage. The people sitting around start cheering when the music starts, and an older lady begins to sing a —really good— version of Baby One More Time.

“I hope you’re in the mood for burgers, because that is all they have,” he says as he takes a menu from the hostess. I smile as I take mine and see that he’s not kidding. There are at least fifty different types of burgers on here. Tobias tells me that they come in pairs but they’re small —like three or four bites— and I should start off with at least two different kinds.

He also orders a strawberry margarita, and gives me a wink when I order a coke. I know he just did it so I can drink too, since I’d be carded. I order caprese and bacon bleu sliders, while Tobias orders habanero, wild west, and extra cheesy. When our waitress comes back with our drinks, she also brings us a basket of fried pickle chips.

“I thought they only had burgers?” I ask as I dip one in ranch and pop it in my mouth. _Damn_ these are good.  
“Well, that’s all you can _order_. They have other things that they bring you at random. Once I came here and I got fried macaroni and cheese bites with my meal.”  
“Oh god. That sounds like heaven.”  
“Oh, you have no idea.”

I look around and see groups of friends and people on dates like us, laughing and having a good time. Someone else gets up on the karaoke stage and begins to sing a very dramatic version of The Wind Beneath My Wings. Tobias and I laugh as we share our food and drink, making small talk about nothing in particular. I get a text from Christina informing me that the room is all ours for the night, and I roll my eyes but smile at her thoughtfulness.

As we wait for another order of burgers to arrive, a young man takes the stage. The music starts slowly, and when he starts to sing, it’s absolutely mesmerizing. Why is he here, in the middle of nowhere California, singing for _us_? He should be off winning Grammys. I’ve never heard this song before, but his voice is so captivating, and the music is so haunting, that I can’t look away. The anguish and pain I feel as he sings, this song _has_ to have a deeper meaning to him.

_And so it is_  
 _The shorter story_  
 _No love, no glory  
_ _No hero in her sky_

I’m not sure why, but I feel that prickling behind my eyes. I blink a few times to stop the tears from actually forming. I’ve had connections to songs before, but never anything like this. It’s almost as if this song is a piece of his soul, and he’s giving each of us a part of it. I’m finally able to look away, and see I’m not the only one captivated; every pair of eyes is on the stage. Even the waitresses have stopped to watch.

_I can’t take my eyes off of you  
_ _I can’t take my eyes off of you_

I look over at Tobias to see if he’s just as riveted as the rest of us are, but he isn’t watching the boy on the stage. He’s staring right at me. My heart thumps hard, and if it were possible, it would leap right out of my chest at this very moment.

_I can’t take my eyes off of you  
_ _I can’t take my eyes_

I know I have to be blushing, but now I find I can’t look away from him either. I've caught Tobias looking at me before, and I’ve sometimes wondered if it contained a little more than just lust in it. But this? This is different. I’ve never been looked at like _this_ before— heavy eyes, flushed cheeks, tongue darting out to wet his lips. I swear, nobody in the history of human existence has ever looked at another human being the way Tobias is looking at me right now. My lips part just a little to let a gasp escape, and the corner of Tobias’ mouth twitches up, just slightly.

The song ends, and the room erupts into a loud chorus of cheers and whistles. I finally tear my eyes away from Tobias and clap for the young man who bared himself to an entire room full of strangers. My heart is probably glad for the opportunity to get back into it's normal rhythm, too.

The waitress brings us our second round, and I’m thankful for the distraction; I'm not sure I could hold a normal conversation right now. I take a sip of the margarita between us and Tobias leans over and kisses me gently on the side of my head before picking up his burger and digging in.

We eventually make out way to the arcade, and this is when I know it’s about to get serious.

“So,” I say, trying to put as much gloat in my voice as I can, “You up for another round of losing to me?” Tobias shoots me a look, but smiles afterwards.  
“I guess that all depends on what the prize is.”  
“Bragging rights. What else?”

We agree start with skee-ball, and Tobias has no idea what he’s in for. I am the skee-ball champion.  
“Okay, three games? Best two out of three?” he says, as he puts the tokens into both our lanes.  
“Whatever you say. I just hope you’re prepared to lose.”

We went five rounds instead of three, and I just smiled sweetly when he lost every single one. He's actually kinda cute when he lets his mouth hang open in disbelief.

He looks around afterwards, no doubt looking for something he thinks he can best me at. Eventually we settle at one of those deer hunting games, and I know I’m toast on this one. I’ve never even held a gun —real or fake— before.

I let Tobias go first, and watch as he shoots with what seems like expert precision. I know it’s just a game, but he hasn’t missed a single target yet. When his time is up he hands me the gun, a satisfied look on his face as he puts more tokens in the machine. I aim the gun and…fail. Miserably.

I missed every target but two, and I think I only hit those out of sheer luck. I take a deep breath and let out a loud sigh, expecting him to be smiling. Instead I am met with a very serious Tobias.

“What?” I ask.  
“Well I can’t very well gloat over that,” he says. “Let’s do it again until you get it right.”  
“Tobias, it’s fine, really.”  
“I know. Will you let me show you once, though?” I nod.

He puts more tokens in and shows me how he does it. Everything from aiming to when to fire before handing me the gun. I take it as he puts more tokens in, and find that it comes a little more naturally this time. I only miss about half the targets.

“There,” he says. “ _Now_ I have something I can gloat over.” I stick my tongue out at him as I shove the gun back in it’s holster.

We play a few more games before leaving. I have to say, as far as dates go, this one was definitely a success. I expect Tobias to take me back home, but instead we end up driving into the nearby hills. I hum along to some songs on the radio, and so does Tobias. He eventually turns onto a road that’s not really a road; it’s more like a trail that cars can barely fit down, but it looks like it doesn’t get much use.

“I’m hoping you know exactly where you’re going,” I say, not liking the darkness that’s creeping in the further we head into the wooded area.  
“Just a few more minutes,” he says, making a left onto another barely used road. We go up and up, and sure enough, reach a small clearing. I wonder how he even knows about this.  
“You up for a small hike?” he asks. I look down at my dress and flats and raise an eyebrow at him. “It’s really small. I promise.”

I follow him to the other side of the clearing, and see there’s a small trail that goes up a hill. He takes my hand and leads the way. It only takes a few minutes to see the moonlight coming through clearer and brighter. When we reach the top, the view is absolutely breathtaking. Somehow, on this tiny hill that reaches above the tree line, there is not a single tree to obstruct our view. There are city lights in one direction, but in all the others, it’s just as sea of tree tops. This is truly amazing.

“Wow. Just…how did you even find this place?”  
“Went hiking with Zeke once and happened upon it. It’s pretty cool, right?”  
“Pretty cool,” I say, elbowing him in the ribs.

He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on the top of my head as we stare out, watching the hustle and bustle of city life juxtaposed against the serenity of the forest. If I could stay in this moment forever, I think I would.

I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him to the side so I can lean back and kiss him. He presses against me, and I know exactly what’s on his mind. I'm glad Christina is as thoughtful as she is.

“Hey,” I say, looking up into eyes that are a much deeper shade of blue, “Thank you. I had a great time.”  
“You’re welcome. We'll have to bring the telescope out here sometime.” I smile and so does he as I turn around and press myself into him, feeling completely at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG: Matt McAndrew - The Blower's Daughter (Original by Damien Rice. Both are so good.)


	4. TWENTY-ONE

“Wake up you lazy butt! It’s your birthday and you’re not going to spend it in bed!” I groan as I fumble around, trying to find the comforter that Christina ripped off of me. When I don't succeed, I crack an eye to see her holding it, smiling down at me.

“You could have at least let me sleep in a little bit. I’m sure you have a whole evening planned.”  
“You have no idea. Now up and at ‘em!” She smacks my ass and I let out a sharp yelp, rubbing it as I try to kill her with my mind.

We spend the morning at the salon, getting our hair and fingers and toes done, followed by shopping for a new outfit. I politely remind Chris that it’s _my_ birthday and not hers, but she just waves her hand and shoves an outfit at me. After a painstaking few hours, we finally eat lunch and she agrees to let me take a nap if I promise to let her do my makeup and not mess up my hair. I glare at her but agree because I am completely worn out already.

I wake up on my own, in a much better mood, until I see her hovering over me again with a smile.

“Please tell me why I agreed to this?” I say as she slathers my face with all sorts of things.  
“Because you love me.”  
“I might need to rethink that,” I say, smiling as she lets her mouth fall open.

“Speaking of love,” she says, drawing out the ‘o’, “You and Four…?”  
“What about us?”  
“Just wondering how that’s going. You know, if you’ve said it or not.”  
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no.”  
“It is too my business! And really? Somehow I thought he would have dropped that already.”

I close my eyes as she swipes a brush over it and replay her words in my head. Why would _he_ say it, and not me? Does she know something that I don’t? My heart beats a little faster as I think of the implications. What would I do if he did say it? Blush furiously, probably.

_Do_ I love him? Of course I do. The more important question though is am I _in_ love with him? There's a huge difference between the two. I mean, I love Christina, but I'm not _in_ love with her.

_Am_ I in love with Tobias? I don't know. I do know that I _could_ be, though.

The fact that this thought crossed my mind so quickly is a little alarming. It’s not like I’ve known him all that long. Hell, I haven’t even met his dad and he hasn’t met Caleb. Not that I need anyone else's approval to love someone. Chris likes him, and our friends like him, obviously. I open my eyes slowly when I don’t feel anything, and see Christina staring at me.

“What?”  
“You just looked a little lost in thought there.”  
“That tends to happen when your best friend brings up the ‘L’ word.” She grins from ear to ear, and I shoot her a look that she only laughs at.

When we’re finally ready, I’m glad I let Christina do all of this for me. My makeup is subtle but fierce, and my new outfit looks amazing.

“Look at you. All ready to go out on your first outing as an official adult with the rest of us.”  
“Oh ha ha. Where are we going exactly?”  
“That, is a surprise my friend. I have to say though, we took a vote, and it wasn’t unanimous, so you can’t be mad at me.” A vote?

“Chris,” I say warningly, “Who is _we_?”  
“Oh, you know, Zeke, Uriah, Will…”  
“You let the boys decide? Jesus, we’ll probably end up strung out in Mexico by the end of the night. This is not The Hangover.”  
“Oh relax. And hey, Four voted too.” I sigh as there's a knock at the door. I answer it, and smile when I see Zeke's open arms and wide grin.

I have to say, I’m incredibly surprised to see a limo out front. I raise an eyebrow at the others, but smile when I see the door open, and Tobias come out.

“Totally not necessary,” I say as I lean up to kiss him.  
“I know. Now shut up and get in.” I hold a hand to my chest to feign shock at his demand, but he just grins and points at the limo. We pile in, and I’m pleasantly surprised when we pull up to a fancy restaurant.

We share appetizers and they cheer when I order a drink and am carded- the joys of being the youngest in the group. The waiter makes a big deal about it being my twenty-first birthday when he brings me my drink —complete with a sparkler in it— and I blush when the tables around us join in and clap and sing me happy birthday. Tobias leans in and kisses me on the side of the head, apologizing for all the attention. I give him a look, but smile anyways. This is one of the last milestones in a person’s life after all, and I’m glad I’m surrounded by people I care about.

After dinner and another embarrassing draw of attention involving cake and singing happy birthday again, we get back into the limo.

“I hate to do this,” Tobias says from next to me, “But it was agreed upon before we left.” I stare at him, not quite understanding until Zeke hands him a handkerchief.  
“Oh, no,” I say. “You are not blindfolding me.”  
“Oh come on, Tris. It’s all part of the package!” Uriah says, grinning just like his brother. I look around from person to person, all of them eager and smiling. Tobias gives me a sympathetic look, and I narrow my eyes at him.

“You. Owe. Me,” I say, emphasizing each word.  
“Oh, I’m sure he’ll be more than willing to pay up later,” Zeke says with a laugh, and Tobias shoots him a look before kissing me on the cheek and tying the handkerchief around my eyes.

Despite my unending flow of questions, nobody says anything that even hints at where we’re going. All I can think of again is The Hangover, and I vow to myself that I will not eat or drink _anything_ if I feel even the tiniest bit suspicious. Tobias helps me out of the limo when we finally reach our destination. Based on how late it is, there aren’t a whole lot of options, and I strain to hear anything that will give it away. I hear nothing.

Tobias guides me as we walk, and when we stop, I feel him fish in my purse for my I.D. He rests a hand on my back and whispers, “Don’t kill me,” in my ear before pushing me forward.

I’m immediately assaulted by loud music and the faint smell of cigarettes. My first thought is a club, but why on earth would they blindfold me to take me dancing?

Dancing.

_Oh no_.

“Tobias,” I say warningly over the music, and take the blindfold off. A strip club. These fools brought me to a strip club. I shoot Tobias a look, and he just raises his hands in surrender.

  
“It wasn’t my idea!” he says.  
“Well you obviously didn’t protest it too much,” I snap back at him. Everyone has a smile on their face except Christina, who seems way too interested in her nails. Guilty. “I’m going to murder you in your sleep,” I say to her before finding a dark corner to sit in.

It takes approximately 3 seconds for a girl to end up in Tobias’ lap. I raise an eyebrow at him, but he just smiles nervously. Good. He _should_ be nervous. A quick look around finds a girl in each guys lap. I shoot Christina another look but she she just waves her hand at me and leans in to talk to the girl currently grinding on Will. How can she be that laid back?

I look back to Tobias and see he’s looking at me, and I smile. The girl turns around and notices. “Is this your girl?” she asks.  
“Yeah,” he answers.  
“I always like when couples come in here. It’s kinda cool that you can share something like this, you know?” I sorta shrug and Tobias nods. Okay, maybe this isn’t _too_ horrible. Everyone else seems to be having fun. Besides, this type of thing is a sort of rite of passage. I can't exactly blame them for wanting to bring me here.

“So what brings you all in here? You’re a pretty big group.”  
“It’s her birthday,” Tobias answers. “Twenty-one.”

“No shit?” she says, standing, “Well happy birthday. Come here.” She holds a hand out and I nervously take it. “Melody,” she says, shaking my hand before pulling me up.  
“Tris.”  
She shoves me in Tobias’ lap and says, “Stay put, Tris. Theses bitches are vultures.”

We watch her walk away- my mouth hanging and Tobias grinning. I have to say, at least we have one of the best looking girls in here. And one that seems to be on the lookout for my boyfriend. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing though.

“Why did you tell her? She’s probably gonna do something embarrassing now,” I say.  
“Tris, this is a strip club. They’re not gonna bring you a cake and sing you happy birthday.” I look over my shoulder and see the girl that was in Will's lap is in Christina’s now. Will’s eyes are wide as he sits completely still, watching, while Christina laughs and stuffs money in her bra. I blush —hard apparently, because Christina notices it in the low light— but she just gives me a wink and an encouraging nod.

“If she wanted to come here herself, she could have just said so,” I say, feeling Tobias laugh against me.  
“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it.”  
“Oh? And just how many times have you—" I start, but I’m interrupted by loud feedback. I look to the stage but don’t see anything. I hear a song I’m familiar with start, and immediately shrink into Tobias.

_Go shorty, it’s your birthday.  
_ _We’re gonna party like it’s your birthday._

“Tobias!” I whisper.  
Melody appears out of nowhere and yells out, “Trust me!” as she takes my hand and drags me up on stage.

She plants me down on a chair that’s magically appeared too, and wraps a hot pink feather boa around me as someone else puts a tiara on my head. I’m certain I’ve never been redder in my life.

The song continues on as she dances for me. I hear the hoots and hollers from my friends, and I just reach a hand out and flip them off. It only spurs them on. Other people join in, cheering and throwing money and I cover my face, willing myself to disappear. Melody pulls my hands away and smiles.  
“Enjoy it doll. They love you.”

I finally manage to look out into the crowd and see the men —and women— who are throwing money at us. I look out and find Tobias, and even though it’s dark and there are lights flashing all around, I can see the small upturn of his mouth. Somehow, in this crazy situation, it’s comforting. It’s not going to stop me from killing him later, but it makes me relax just a little bit.

I might as well give in a little. It is my birthday, and it's not like I'll ever be up on the stage in a strip club again. I wink at him and reach a hand out, running it down Melody’s thigh, making an ‘O’ face as she bends over in front of me. Tobias raises an eyebrow and I hear a few whistles, but I can hear Zeke and Uriah clearly being amused over everything else. Melody stands up and turns around, straddling me, so I bend to the side real quick and grab a dollar and shove it in her thong. She smiles and does the same —only shoving it down my shirt— and I laugh.

When the song ends, another girl brings out a mini bottle of vodka and says it’s on the house. I thank her, and Melody hands me a wad of cash. “You earned it,” she says with a wink, and I stand there, unsure of what to do next. I really didn’t expect my twenty-first birthday to be the day I performed in a strip club for money. Tobias comes up to the stage and helps me down, and I’m suddenly glad my little foray into 'stripping' is over with.

“Oww!” Uriah yells when I walk up. “That was amazing! No way I’m forgetting that any time soon.”  
“Ew!” I say as Marlene smacks his arm.  
“What? I’m a guy, those are two hot girls. What do you want from me?” I shove him and sit down. Tobias takes the vodka from me as Melody comes up with a tray of shot glasses. He pours us all a drink, including Melody, and I get a toast to ‘working hard to pay for college’.

“I hope that wasn’t too embarrassing,” Melody says. “You two are just adorable, and I thought you could use a little fun on your birthday.”  
“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” I concede. “Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome. You know, if you don’t mind, I’d like to give you one more present.”  
“Oh I don’t—" I start, but she cuts me off with a wave of her hand.  
“This one is private.”

My stomach flips around, mostly because I have no idea what she’s talking about. I look at Tobias, who is doing absolutely nothing to help by staring back at me with a blank face. A million things race through my mind— from stories of guys getting more than just a dance in a private room, to her performing a simple dance and then trying to charge us an exorbitant amount for it. When I look back to Melody, she doesn’t seem like the type to do that though. He eyes are kind, and her smile puts me at ease.

“Okay,” I manage to get out, and she takes my hand.  
“You coming?” she asks Tobias over her shoulder as she starts walking, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone move so fast in my life.

She leads us into a private room and leaves for a second to bring in another chair. She tells us to sit, so we do, facing each other. Tobias shrugs as we turn our attention back to her.

“I normally don’t do this kind of thing,” she says, “But I was like you once, Tris. Saw you as soon as you walked through the door; that cautious and timid girl. Not to say that’s a bad thing, but it doesn’t hurt to break out of that shell of yours every once in a while.” She touches a button on the remote she has, and music starts playing. She straddles Tobias, and I don’t know if I want to be her, or hit her.

“Watch,” she says. She moves slowly, more seductively than she did on stage. Her hips grind, her hands caress, and Tobias fidgets. “See. That’s how you do it.” She gets up and straddles me, repeating the same moves. She places her hands on me, softly rubbing, and I can see why she’s doing it to both of us. Different vantage points let you see it all. Tobias just looks like Will did, eyes wide and unmoving.

She changes the song, and Tobias smiles. “Nice choice,” he says, and I raise my eyebrow. She straddles him again, this time facing away from him. I watch as she incorporates different moves and try to pay attention, but the song distracts me.

_I want to fuck you like an animal_  
 _I want to feel you from the inside_  
 _I want to fuck you like an animal_  
 _My whole existence is flawed  
_ _You get me closer to God_

I blush at the words, and blush a little more when Melody switches to me. She moves differently, more insistently, and I understand again.

“Is your name really Melody?” I ask, trying to distract myself a little from everything going on right now.  
“No,” she laughs. “I used to sing, so that's why I chose it. Came to California to make it big, you know? But I got tired of fake Hollywood producers trying to take advantage of me, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. Why fuck for free when you can get paid?”

I look at Tobias with wide eyes, and he is still of zero help. I panic a little, wondering if I was wrong about her and thinking of all the horror stories that slowly seem to be unfolding right in front of me.

“Do…do you like it?” I ask, trying to be as nice as possible. Maybe I can convince her to not take advantage of us.  
“Stripping? It pays the bills.”  
“Oh.”

“Don’t ‘oh’ me. I really don’t mind. It’s just a job. It’s not like I’m treated horribly or expected to sleep with anyone. If that was the case, I wouldn’t do it. No, I just like my body, and don’t feel as awkward about it as I used to. And hey, if a guy wants to throw money at me while I’m in my natural state, who am I to stop him? After all, a fool and his money are soon parted.” Tobias smiles, and so do I. Okay, maybe Melody isn’t the Dateline case I’m making her out to be.

“Does your, uhh, boyfriend mind?” I roll my eyes at myself. I almost feel like I’m spewing word vomit at this point. I have no idea why I keep asking her all these personal questions, but I can’t seem to stop.  
“Oh I don’t have one of those right now,” she says, standing up. “I’m sort of a little into the female side of things right now anyways.” She looks me up and down and gives me a quick wink. The back of my neck burns, and I don’t miss Tobias’ eyes as they get even wider.

“I hope you learned something, Tris. Don’t be afraid to own your sexuality. You’re beautiful, and so is your guy here.” She smiles. “I hope you have a fantastic rest of your birthday, and you guys can come back and see me whenever you want. Maybe I’ll teach you another thing or two.” She smiles again —at just me this time— before leaving the two of us standing there.

“Tobias, what just happened?”  
“I don’t know,” he says, adjusting his pants, “But it’s time to get you the fuck home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONGS: 50 Cent - In Da Club
> 
> Nine Inch Nails - Closer
> 
> 1 month
> 
> (If it wasn't clear, the time frames are from the very beginning of this story!)


	5. AL

I have no idea why I'm nervous, but I am. I agreed to meet my new tutor —since the last one constantly flaked on me and wasn’t much help— in the library today to see if we will work out and if he can help me where I'm struggling. I look at each guy who walks by, hoping this is it and we can just get this over with, but they all pass me by as if I don't even exist. When a boy with glasses starts to approach me, I think this is it. He gives me a smile and a head nod, and I smile back. He walks right past me though, and sits a few tables away. I watch as he kisses a cute girl with short black hair on the cheek, and sigh.

“Tris?” I jump, startled by the voice behind me. I turn and see a large boy with soft features shifting from foot to foot, looking nervous.  
“Yeah?” I'm not sure why I phrased it like a question. Pretty sure I know my own name. _Awkward_.

“Oh good,” he breathes out, a smile forming on his face. He pulls out the chair next to me and sits down. “I just went up to a different blonde girl I thought was you. I don't think I could handle the look of total confusion and disgust again. It's too embarrassing. ”   
“Disgust?”  
“Yeah. I think she thought I was trying to use some horrible line to pick her up or something. I’m Al.” I laugh and so does he. The awkwardness seems to just melt away as we shake hands.

We spend a few minutes getting to know each other before diving right in. I ask him a few questions, and he does the same, and it turns out he's already taken this class with this professor, so it should be a piece of cake to get me to where I need to be. I tell him where I'm struggling and how I've never really struggled before in this subject before, and he gives me a big grin.

“Hey, a few dates with me, and you'll be good to go. I know a thing or two about this subject.” His smile widens, and I smile back.  
“So, Al, what are you majoring in?” I ask.  
“Oh, I don't really know yet. Probably just going to be one of those people who goes to school for seven years but isn't a doctor,” he jokes. “You?”  
 “Well, I'm still not a hundred percent sure, but I definitely want to go into the science field. It would be fun, like a dream job or whatever to be an astronomer, but I need to think a little more practically. That isn't exactly a high in demand job.”

“True, but there's nothing wrong with having that sort of childhood dream. Have you ever been to an observatory before? You know there's one just a couple of hours North of here. I could show you sometime if you want.”  
 “I have, actually. My boyfriend took me to one over summer break.” I'm thankful for the opportunity to bring Tobias up. Even though Al has given me no actual indication that he's even interested in me, some of his word choices and the things he's bringing up are making me a little wary.

“Oh, cool.”   
“Yeah. It was. So, math,” I say.  
“Right. Math.”

I spend the next hour alternating between staring at my book, staring at the formulas Al's writing out for me, and staring at Al. I do some practice runs on random equations he writes out for me, but I’m still struggling with it. I can finally figure them out on my own, but the amount of time it’s taking me to complete each equation is unacceptable. If this were a test, I would fail based on that alone.

I sigh, tossing my pencil in my book and close it. It’s all starting to run together anyways.

“Tris, you’ll get it. We all struggle with something in school.”  
“Al, I appreciate the pep talk, but it’s really not necessary. I’m not bad in math, I’m just not good either.”  
“Well, then it’s my job to make you good. You’ll see. You want to keep going or do you need a break?”  
“I do need a break. And maybe something to drink,” I say, standing and stretching. It feels good to be out of the chair.

I walk with Al towards the little coffee stand right outside of the library, and I'm happy to see there’s only one other person in line. I order a chai tea, and he orders an iced coffee.

“So, what other classes are you taking?” Al asks as we wait.  
“Oh, you know. The basics. English, math, two different sciences. You?”  
“Same. Except one science and an art class.”  
“Art?”  
“Yeah, I figured why not.”

We thank the barista, and Al refuses to let me pay for my drink. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but what can I do? Maybe I can sneak it into the money I'll give him when we're done.

We take our time walking back to our table. I sip on my drink as I look around at everyone reading and writing, noticing Al staring out of the corner of my eye almost the entire time. I turn away from Al slightly, and take out my phone. I've already mentioned Tobias and used the word boyfriend, but that doesn't seem to be deterring him. He could just be overly friendly though, so I'm trying my best to not jump to conclusions. When I open my texts, it's on a picture Tobias sent me this morning. I smile at the goofy face he's making at the pile of paperwork sitting on his desk.

_\- Tutoring is more promising this time around, if you were wondering._

I turn back around and notice Al look away quickly.  
“Just sending a quick text,” I say. He nods, and my phone dings.

_\- That's good! Work is going slow as hell, if you were wondering._

_\- I’m sorry. Can we try and meet soon? You know, maybe you feel an illness coming on? ; )_

_\- You know, I was just telling Zeke earlier that I felt a tickle in my throat. Could be my imagination though._

I smile again. I feel bad that he's working so hard and I'm just drinking tea and studying, but at least he's able to get out of work here and there fairly easily. I really can't complain.

The walk and the tea and the text are enough to pull me up out of my little funk. I stretch again and shake my body out before we sit back down, and I find that I’m picking things up a little better. I’m able to work through an equation quicker this time, and when Al gives it to me again and again, I do it with no problems.

“You know, Al. I think you were just what I needed,” I say with a smile.  
“Thanks, Tris.”  
“Same time next week?”  
“Sure,” he says. I hand him his fee after we pack up, the extra money for the drink stuck in there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG: Justin Bieber - Boyfriend
> 
> This is the shortest chapter in the story, so that's out of the way. This weeks updates are kind of...setting things up, for lack of a better term. Next week will finally start delving into the heart of the story, and leading us towards where we eventually end up. So hang in there! This weeks updates may have some of you wondering just what I'm doing, but I promise, it all makes sense in the end.
> 
> Thank you for all the follows and reviews so far. You guys are wonderful!


	6. CLOSED

_\- Tris, bad news. The library is closed._

_\- What?_

_\- Last night. The roof leaked and they’re in there fixing it._

_\- Crap. What are we going to do?_

_\- You could always come to my place._

 

My heart hammers in my chest. It rained hard all night, and the campus has turned into a lake, but I didn’t expect the library to get flooded out. And I certainly didn’t expect Al to text me and invite me over to his place.

He’s sent me a few random texts throughout the weeks, mostly to make sure we were still on for our Saturday sessions or to see if I was free to squeeze in another one, but sometimes there were others. Like a funny picture of two dogs who were supposed to be studying, but they were sleeping instead with the caption ‘Us’, or a text just to ask if I was having a good day. It hasn’t been particularly forward or too weird —and I've always been nice when I responded— but this just feels like too much for some reason. Maybe I'm just reading into it too much.

_\- I don’t know Al._

_\- Oh. Well we can just go to the cafeteria or something. Wherever you like._

The cafeteria is an option, but it’s going to be loud and packed with people who are eating and everyone else who wanted to use the library like us. I think about the common room in the dorm or the student lounge, but we’re going to have the same problems there too. Christina is out with Will, so we’d still be alone here, but I feel better doing that than going to his place.

_\- No. Just come to my place. Mackey hall. Room 312._

It's almost an hour earlier than our usual time, but that's fine. I run around and pick up the few things I can to make it look like Christina isn’t a complete slob, and sit on my bed and wait. I have no idea what hall Al lives in, so I don’t know how long it will take. I make sure to pull up my comforter so there won’t be any confusion on that part. We are _not_ getting into my bed.

Close to twenty minutes pass before there’s a knock on my door. I answer it, and see Al standing there with an iced coffee and a chai tea.

“You didn’t have to do this, you know,” I say as I take my drink from him. “I don't always drink these things.”  
“I know. I just thought it would be nice since we’ll be holed up in here. Is your roommate gone?” he asks as he looks around.  
“Uhh, yeah. This one,” I say as I point to my bed. I decide at the last minute to wheel the desk chair over as he sits, that way we won't be sitting right on top of each other.

We spend a few minutes talking about last nights crazy weather before we dig in and get right to it. I lean forward on the bed, scribbling little notes to myself as I focus on the equations. I struggle initially like I always do, but find myself starting to get it a lot faster than I have before and understanding everything better after repeating it out loud over and over and over. I'm really glad I picked Al.

“I don’t know how, but you’re doing it Al,” I say, smiling. I take a long sip of my tea, and almost snort it out when he gets a wide, goofy grin on his face. He laughs as I wipe my face with my sleeve. I have a feeling Al doesn't receive a lot of positive reactions from people, and I'm not sure why.  
“Well, maybe it’s just because we mesh well.”

I smile, because he’s not entirely wrong. He’s incredibly patient with my inability to grasp some of these formulas without doing them a thousand times. And I actually do enjoy his company and the handful of conversations we’ve had during our study sessions. If Al plays his card right, maybe he could find himself a part of our little gang. He might be a little flirty, but I think that's just his personality. Maybe I shouldn't focus so hard on that.

I see a flash of movement and turn my head just as Al leans forward and kisses me. I feel like my eyes are as wide as dinner plates as I sit there, unable to move. It wasn’t much, just a long peck, but still. I'm stiff as a board when he pulls away, opening his eyes in a dreamy sort of way. He smiles, and I snap out of it.

"That was—"  
“Al," I say firmly. The smile falls from his face.  
“I’m sorry, Tris." The words come out so fast, they almost feel like one. His eyes flit around the room before landing back on me. "I just…I couldn’t help myself.”  
“You _know_ I have a boyfriend.”  
“I know,” he says quietly, hanging his head now. “It’s just that people aren’t generally nice to me, and you are. And you're… _so_ pretty. It was stupid of me. I’m really sorry.”  
“I accept your apology. Just please, don’t let it happen again. I like you Al, just…not like that.”

I stand and excuse myself, closing the bathroom door behind me. I splash some water on my face, hoping my time in here will be enough to forget the last few minutes as well as get the red off my face. I don’t get the chance to find out though when I hear my computer ring. I open the door and walk over to the small desk where my laptop sits and see Tobias’ name on the screen. I snatch the chair and sit down.

“Hey,” I say when his face pops up. “What’s up?”  
“Nothing. I just wanted to see your face. And I was hoping that I could catch you before—" he stops, and I see his eyes narrow. I realize now that he’s looking behind me. I turn and see Al standing there next to my bed.

“Am I interrupting something?”  
“Just studying.”  
“In your room?” He leans forward and squints his eyes. “Why are you so red?”  
“I’m not,” I blurt out quickly, making me seem guilty. I close my eyes.

“Tris, what is going on?”  
“Nothing, To- _Four_. I swear. The library is flooded out, and everywhere else is packed and loud and I just needed somewhere quiet so I could study. I have a big test on Monday, you know that.”  
“So, what? You’re just sipping lattes in your bed?” I notice Tobias' eyes and turn around to see Al is sitting on my bed, drink in hand. He doesn't make eye contact with me, but it bothers me that he doesn't seem as upset as he was a few moments ago.

“Four. Why did you call?” I say as I turn back around.  
“I just thought I could get you before you left. See if you wanted to ditch studying today, but it’s fine. You guys have a great session. I’ll talk to you later.”

I don’t get a chance to explain any further or say goodbye.

I lean forward and let my head hit the desk. It hurt and I don’t even care right now. I should be upset —I _am_ upset— but if the roles were reversed, I can’t say I wouldn’t have had the same thoughts. I hate that we both sometimes jump to conclusions like that. I’ve seen the way women stare at Tobias, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous; that I don't automatically pull myself closer to him, as if I were engaged in some territorial dispute. Too many times I have thought about him leaving me for someone who is better suited for him. Someone who isn’t even the slightest bit insecure. Someone as equally hot as he is. It's a horrible flaw in the both of us.

“Tris,” I hear Al say softly.  
“What?”  
“Are you okay?”  
“No, Al. I’m not okay.”

I sit like that for I don’t know how long, listening to Al shift every once in a while behind me. Eventually I lift my head and spin in my chair to face him.

“Al, I think that this is it for us. I really like you, I do. You're a really great guy, and I appreciate all of the help you have given me, but this isn’t going to work.”  
“Tris—"  
“No, Al," I interrupt. I'm not in the mood to hear any excuses. "You just _kissed_ me. Do you even realize that? And then my boyfriend called right afterwards and he could tell, Al. He knew _something_ happened, and I have to figure out how to tell him what did happen, and hope to hell he doesn’t come down here and rip you to pieces.”

Al’s face drops. I see him shift nervously on my bed and sigh. I don’t understand his attraction to me. I mean hell, we still barely know each other and I’ve never given him any indication that I’m even the slightest bit interested in him. I do know that I could never be with someone like him, though. For starters he doesn’t respect any boundaries that are made glaringly clear to him, and he’s just…the complete opposite of Tobias. He’s nice, sure, but he's also quiet and insecure and meek and I don’t need someone that I can mow over at any given time. I need someone who isn’t afraid to stand up to me, and isn’t afraid to push me above and beyond.

“Can we at least be friends?” he asks timidly.  
“No. That’s what we were, and you crossed that line.”

He nods his head and stands, gathering his things. I grab my wallet and take out the cash for this session, but he waves me off. “I don’t need your money.”  
“No, Al. You still came. I’m the one who’s cutting the session short. Please take it.” He puts his bag over his shoulder and snatches the cash out of my hand before stalking off and slamming my door shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG: Nick Jonas - Jealous


	7. PR

 

I haven’t talked to Tobias in a week.

I’ve texted him, but only received simple one word answers in return, and he won't answer any of my phone calls. Zeke tells me that it’s just Tobias, and I’m going to have to get used to it if we’re going to be together. I don’t really understand what that means, but if it’s space he needs, then I'll try to give it to him. I wish he would just tell me that.

It’s Friday night, and I sit patiently by my computer, waiting for him to call. Christina hovers on her bed, not talking, which I’m thankful for. Our usual time comes and goes, and as each minute passes, I feel that heat begin to form in my eyes.

I reach my hand out a few times, debating whether or not to initiate the call when I hear a " _Don’t,_ " from behind me. I turn and see Christina staring, a sad look on her face.

“Don’t pity me,” I say. “I really don’t need it right now.”  
“I’m not. I’m telling you to not make the first move.”  
“Why?”  
“Let him be a big baby on his own. He’ll come to his senses.”  
“I know. It’s just…hard.”

I sit for another ten minutes before shutting down my computer. Even if he did call me now, I don’t think I would want to talk to him.

I tag along with Christina as she heads over to Will’s. I usually don’t intrude on their time, but she insisted. We order pizza and Christina fills him in on what's happening while we pick a movie on Netflix. Will pats me on the shoulder and pulls me closer as we huddle around his computer. I'm glad I have them right now.

We watch a cute movie about an amazing chef who ends up walking out on his job thanks to a bad review, an argument with a food critic, and a jerk boss who wouldn't stand up for him. Nobody wanted to hire him after the public blow-out with the critic. Instead of wallowing around, he took the initiative and got himself a food truck. With his fresh ideas and help from his kid, he becomes an amazing success all on his own.

By the time the movie is done, I have a giant smile on my face all the motivation I need to fix whatever's happening between Tobias and me.

“Will,” I say. “Would it be rude of me to ask to borrow your car?”  
“Now?” he asks, an eyebrow raised.  
“No. Tomorrow. For just a couple hours.”  
"Four?" he asks, and I nod my head.

“Tris,” Christina says warningly, but I just wave my hand at her.  
“Don't worry about me. Please, Will.” I make a pouty face, and bat my eyelashes. He laughs and I give him a playful shove.  
“Hey now. You’re asking me for a huge favor! Better watch those hands,” he says with a grin.  
“You know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.” He and Christina share a look before he turns to me.

“Tris. You can absolutely borrow my car. On one condition. Well, two. First is you gotta fill up the tank.”  
“Duh,” I say. “What’s the second?” He grins from ear to ear before answering.  
“No sex in the car.”  
“Will!” I yell out while Christina laughs.

 

* * *

 

 

I pull into the parking lot and stare at the plain gray building. From the outside it doesn’t look like much, but there are quite a few cars in the parking lot —including Tobias’— so this has to be the place. I smooth my dress down and pull my sweater on as I walk up.

Inside is just as ambiguous. I know Tobias has told me that it’s something to do with public relations, but that’s all I really know. I peek around the corner and catch the attention of a woman who is on the phone. She holds up her finger, and I nod. I stare at a few press articles that are framed on the wall while I wait, all of them praising the company— Wu Marketing & PR.

“How can I help you?” the woman says from behind me. She walks up to the reception desk and moves the mouse for the computer. I panic for a second, wondering if she knows Tobias’ real name, and internally roll my eyes at myself.

“I’m, umm, here to see Tobias. Eaton.”  
“Huh. He didn’t tell me that he was expecting anyone today. Who are you with?” she says as she bends over and begins typing on the computer in front of her.  
“Oh. I’m not…It’s a surprise,” I finally stammer out.  
“Oh,” she says as she stands up straight. She looks me up and down; I swear there's a hint of recognition in her eyes as she gives me a small smile. “Well then, follow me.”

I walk through the small sea of cubicles, nodding to various people who tip their heads in my direction or offer me a smile. I look forward and notice the tip of a tattoo peeking out from the neck of the woman’s shirt, and I briefly wonder what it is.

As we walk further into the building, we begin to pass actual offices with glass walls. Some have their blinds open to reveal what’s inside, while others are shut tight. I hear some thumping noises and loud words the closer we get, and it catches me off guard for just a second before I realize it’s music.

“You’ll have to excuse him. He’s been in a bit of a… _mood_ lately, and that means loud music,” she says with a polite smile. “I’m sorry, I’m being rude. I’m Tori.”  
“Tris,” I say, shaking her hand. “And you weren’t rude at all.” I stare at the closed blinds and wonder what it is that Tobias is doing inside that requires such loud music and so much privacy. I also wonder if I’m the reason he’s in this ‘mood’.

She knocks on the door, and we stand there for a minute with no response. She knocks again —harder this time— and the door flies open, the music even louder.

“You have a visitor,” Tori shouts over the music, and I see Tobias poke his head out the door. I smile weakly as he stares at me. He doesn’t say anything before he pulls his head back into his office. Tori shrugs at me before tugging on my arm and pushing me through the door. She gives me a quick wink as she pulls it shut.

I'm glued to the spot as Tobias resumes whatever he was doing behind his desk, fixated on his computer screen. I look around the office and everything seems so plain and generic and impersonal, until my eyes land on a framed picture of the two of us; it's one from the cruise. My heart skips a beat, and I feel a huge pang of guilt in the pit of my stomach. Even though I did nothing wrong, he’s this way because of me.

My eyes land back on him, but he is mindlessly typing away. I don’t miss the sadness that's filled his eyes though, and feel that prick in my own as I realize just how glossy his have become. I look everywhere but him trying to keep my composure. When the song changes, I take a deep breath and close my eyes, focusing on the music to help me clear my head for a second, and to hopefully not cry.

_Baby, I wanna fuck you,_  
 _I wanna feel you in my bones_  
 _Boy, I'm gonna love you  
_ _I'm gonna tear into your soul_

Well, that's not going to work.

I blink my eyes a few times, looking around again before finally finding Tobias; he is staring right at me. He reaches out and pushes a button on a little black remote, and the music stops. My ears ring from the lack of sound.

“What do you want, Tris?” he asks quietly.  
“You,” I say, my voice cracking just a bit. My eyes shift around between Tobias and the room a few times, but his never leave me. “Nothing happened. You have no right to be upset.”  
“I know.” I scrunch my eyebrows and stare at him as he looks down.  
“If you know, then what is going on between us?” I ask, fighting the quiver I can hear in my voice.

“I overreacted. Figured you needed some time or some space to sort things out, so…”  
“So?”  
“So I let you have it.” I shake my head. All this time wasted because we each thought the other wanted some space.

“Why would you think that _I_ would need time or space?” He shrugs. “Tobias, we’ve been pretty good about being open and honest up until now. There’s nothing wrong with you feeling jealous because you saw me in my room with another guy. I'm pretty sure I'd feel the same way. But it _is_ wrong to put this space between us and not talk about it. He was my tutor. I cannot help it if the library is closed when it’s time for our study session.”

“Was?” he says, finally looking back up at me.  
“What?”  
“You said was, not is.”  
“Oh. Yeah. There’s something I need to tell you.”

My heart hammers in my chest as I sit down in the chair in front of his desk. I stare at the things on it, trying to figure out how to take the sting out of the words I'm about to say. I don't think there's an easy way, so I just blurt it all out.

“Right before you called, he kissed me. Tobias, I _swear_ I did not kiss him back. He even knew about you, but he did it anyways. I told him to get out and that he could no longer be my tutor, but Tobias, I promise that I did nothing to lead him on or make him think that it was okay to do something like that and I—"  
“Tris,” he interrupts, and I take a deep breath. His eyes are dark, and I swear the longer he looks at me, the darker they get.  
“What?” I manage to get out, my breathing still heavy from my explanation. The way he's looking at me isn't helping things, either.

“Do _not_ apologize. I’m the one who needs to be sorry. I _am_ sorry. That doesn’t make it okay, and it doesn’t excuse my behavior, but I’d like a chance to explain.”  
“Okay.” I sit completely still and wait for him to find the words to start.

“My very first girlfriend —you know, _way_ back in high school— well, I thought I was in love with her. Like, the head over heels type; flowers and stuffed animals and little presents and notes and carrying her books every day in love. She was…an escape," he adds quietly, and I feel a pain in my chest. I know he's talking about Marcus.

“Long story short, she broke my heart by sleeping around, and pretty much everyone knew but me. When Zeke found out he told me… Anyways, that sort of thing sticks with you. It's always there, in the back of my mind, that doubt. That worry that nothing is turning into something more. It’s managed to sabotage more than one relationship of mine in the end.”

I sort of want to find this girl and punch her right in the face.

We’ve shared many stories, but we haven't talked much about his past relationships, just that he’s had them. Zeke knew about this, which makes a little more sense I guess with what he had told me. And something in the back of my mind makes me wonder if maybe Tori knew something too, the way she shoved me in here and winked at me.

“I want to be open and honest with you, and I want you to be open and honest too. So thank you for explaining. It doesn’t excuse it, no, but I do understand. But Tobias," I add, "I'm not her.” He nods slowly, chewing on his lip for a moment before pushing his chair back and standing.

He makes his way over to me and holds a hand out. I take it and stand, smiling at that little spark of electricity. He pulls me towards him and I lean in, resting my head on his chest as he wraps his arms around me. His heart is beating hard, and it makes me kind of happy that he was nervous; it means he cares. I feel him sigh against me, and I do the same.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into my hair. I nod against his chest.  
“I missed you so much,” I say, looking up at him now. “I have to admit, I really didn’t think it was going to be this hard.”  
“What? Fighting?”  
“No,” I say, giving him a smile.

“That wasn’t really a fight though, was it?" I ask. "It was more like…you being a big pouty baby who refused to talk.”  
“Hey!” I laugh and so does he. “Well, if that’s all the fighting we do, then I’m okay with it.”  
“Me too.”

“ _Are_ we okay?” he asks after a minute.  
“Yeah.”

I realize that we still have a lot to learn about each other, we just need to remember to talk about it along the way.

“So, what’s so hard?” he asks, and I smile.  
“Not being able to do this whenever I want." I stand on my toes and kiss him.

He wraps his arms around me tighter, and I melt right into him. There really is nothing quite like this; the way that Tobias can convey so much with just his touch. Whether it be from his hands or his lips, everything is done with purpose and care, and it brings out so many feelings from deep down inside of me.

My hands roam now, pushing his shirt up as I memorize each muscle on his back. I sigh at the feel of his skin on mine, and wrap my arms around him. He pulls away from our kiss, eyes dark, a wicked smile on his face. I feel myself blush as he reaches over, and turns the music back on.

It blares as he gently tugs on my hair, exposing my neck. He licks and sucks and kisses, moving to my shoulder and pushing off my cardigan. I let it fall to the floor as I look at the door, double checking it’s shut tight before I reach out to unbutton Tobias’ pants. Sometimes I feel like I can't help myself when I'm around him.

He stops and looks me right in the eye. I swear, he can see right into my deepest thoughts, not that they're any different than his. I fumble for a second, and he leans forward, kissing me hungrily as I push them down. I smile against him when they get caught; I love knowing that I turn him on. I pull away to trail kisses down his chest as I drop to my knees.

He throws his head back as I lick a long strip up his length, taking in the fantastic sight before I wrap my mouth around him. I tease him with the tip of my tongue the way he likes, and pout when I feel him pulling me up.  
“I appreciate it,” he shouts, “But that’s not what I want.”

He trails his fingertips up my thighs, and I shudder at the wave of goosebumps he leaves. He lifts my dress as he goes, hooking his fingers in and slowly pulling my underwear down. A devilish look flashes in his eyes as I watch him get down on his knees. My heart beats in anticipation, and I brace myself against the chair as he lifts one of my legs over his shoulder. I let out a gasp, closing my eyes and leaning my head back now.

I was more worked up than I thought; each pass of his tongue feels better than the last. It only takes a minute before I tangle one hand in his hair, the other gripping the chair until my knuckles turn white. I breathe heavily, shaking with pleasure as he lowers my leg. He kisses each of my hip bones, looking up at me with that glint still in his eyes, and I can't help but bite my lip. He wipes his mouth as he stands, and kisses my shoulders again as he turns me around. When he rakes his fingers down my back, my whole body shivers in response.

As I bend over the back of the chair, he lifts my dress, running a finger in between my legs. I close my eyes, still reeling from my orgasm, when he slides a finger in me. I feel the whimper that escapes my mouth at the welcome intrusion. He kisses my shoulders and my neck as he searches for that spot that gives me so much pleasure. I grip the chair hard when he finds it, warmth spreading out inside of me.

I start to protest when he takes it away, but then I feel him press against me and push back against him, eager to feel him inside of me, chasing after that high again. As he slides into me I’m thankful for the loud music, because I have a feeling I'm going to be anything but quiet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG: Meg Myers - Desire  
> 2 months
> 
> Also, are we getting spoiled or what with all these photos and clips? Man, my feels are in straight up overdrive. Insurgent cannot get here fast enough.
> 
> And a big thank you for all the follows and reviews! You guys are great!


	8. THANKSGIVING

When we pull up to the house, I want to pretend I’m not shocked, but I can’t hide the way my mouth hangs open.  
“You _lived_ here?” I ask.  
“Unfortunately,” Tobias answers, and I close my mouth. I look over to him, and see _that_ look in his eye — the one that breaks my heart. I know things aren’t like they used to be, but his father was — _is_ — an awful man, and those wounds don’t close easily. I look back to the sprawling mansion as Tobias gets out of the car, and I can feel the nerves start to set in.

We walk in and are greeted by a man Tobias calls Charles. Charles takes our coats and directs us to leave our bags in the foyer, and he will take them up to our rooms for us. Tobias waves him off, takes my bag from me, and starts up the stairs. I smile politely at Charles who looks on with a blank face.

Tobias walks down the long hallway quickly, and I try my best to follow but I keep getting distracted by each door I pass. A gym. An office. A…library?

“Whoa,” I say out loud. I take a quick peek in, and the only thing missing from this room is me in a yellow ball gown, and a talking candelabra.  
“Tris?”  
“Sorry,” I say as I turn to him. “I’ve just never seen anything like this before. In person I mean.” He smiles, motioning for me to follow him.

We go down three more doors and he walks into what I assume is his childhood room. I think back to what my room used to look like —band posters everywhere, pictures of Christina and me and our friends, stuffed animals— and realize his room looks nothing like that.

There’s a patchwork blue quilt on a four poster bed, a neatly organized desk with an old iMac on it, a bookshelf filled with books that look more like encyclopedias than anything a teenager would read, and a blue sculpture sitting on the nightstand. I turn and look at Tobias who just looks on at nothing in particular.

“This was your room?” I ask.  
“Yeah.”  
“It’s so…plain. Was it always like this, or…” I stop, not really wanting to finish the sentence. Or hear the answer.  
“Yeah. My dad didn’t believe in nonsensical things like personal decorations.” I bite my lip, afraid to say much more. I know me talking about it won’t be the direct cause of the bad memories he has in this house, but I don’t want to do anything more to bring them up in any way.

“Anyways, he should be home in a little while, and then we can eat. I’m sure the chef made a perfect meal. I have to stay tomorrow at his insistence, but I can call you a cab if you feel uncomfortable or whatever.”  
“No,” I say quickly. I’m not leaving him here alone with his dad. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.” He gives me a soft smile and kisses me on the forehead.

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to go in the gym for a while. You can join me if you want, or maybe poke around in the library. I’m pretty sure every book ever written is in there.”  
“You know, that sounds nice,” I say, pecking him back on the cheek. I give him a wink and leave him to his work out.

Only because I’ve always wanted to, I climb one of the tall ladders immediately and start poking around at the books on the highest shelf. Tobias wasn’t kidding. The Great Gatsby. The Count of Monte Cristo. The Iliad. Frankenstein.

I pull Frankenstein down and carefully climb down the ladder, setting the book down at a desk just as carefully. I open the book and gape at how old it is. According to the publishing date in the book, this version is over a hundred and fifty years old. I flip through the pages carefully, marveling that Mary Shelley was only eighteen when she started writing this story. If I have time tomorrow, I might sneak in here and read some of this. Right now I want to poke around some more.

I leave the book on the desk and move the ladder to a different section. I climb back up and notice this section seems to be different; Emma, Little House on the Prairie, To Kill a Mockingbird. I wonder if this is where his mother kept her books; I can't imagine Marcus reading any of these. I pull down a few more classics to stack on the desk and flip through later when it catches my eye- Little Women. I remember my mom reading this to me. It was a class assignment, but I was so sick one of the weeks I was supposed to be reading it, she read it out loud to me while I snuggled up in bed and tried to recover. It was one of the last things we did together.

I pull the book down and shove the others aside as I open it, eager to read just a few lines and bring up those memories. I furrow my brow as I close it, looking at the cover again, but when I open it back up, I’m met with handwriting. Confused, I read a few lines, and nothing seems familiar. I pull the book jacket off and stare at the black leather cover, the word _Journal_ in gold embossed letters on the front. I look back to the door, making sure I'm still alone, and open it back up the the very first page. The name _Evelyn Anne Johnson_ is written neatly on it.

I flip through the pages, noticing the dates and various lengths and reading a few lines here and there. Most of them are about school, or friends, or classwork. Based on the dates and the handwriting, I'm guessing she started this at the end of high school. The name Marcus suddenly grabs my attention, so I stop and read the entry.

_I met the most wonderful man today. His name is Marcus, and he just transferred into my class. He sat next to me, and smiled kindly when I found myself staring at him. He was a bit lost at where we were in the syllabus, and the Professor was in the middle of a rant, so I offered to help him get situated and let him look over some of my notes._

_At the end of class, he fumbled his words a bit before he thanked me and asked if I would like to have lunch sometime. He also blushed, which is quite attractive on a man. Of course I said yes, and he ran off without even giving me his phone number or picking a day or a place to meet! I tried to call after him, but he was too quick. I guess it will just have to wait until Wednesday when this course resumes. I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited to go to class._

I read the passage again, comparing it to the man Tobias has told me about, and wonder at what point he changed. How could the two of them could possibly be the same? I peek over at the door again, the music coming in from the gym and Tobias, but I am still alone. I flip further back in the journal to a date a little over a year before Tobias was born.

_It happened again. I told myself I wasn’t going to stay, that I wasn’t going to live like this, but there just isn’t anywhere for me to go. My parents even turned me away. Said it was tough love and that I should have listened to them the first time he did this to me. I want to cry, I feel like I should cry, but the tears just won’t come._

_I’m seeing Dr. Tomlinson tomorrow. I haven’t felt the baby move in over a week. I’m trying to tell myself that everything is okay, but I already know. This will be the third time. I don't know if I can do this again._

I don’t finish the entry. I can’t. I wipe away the tears that have started to form when I realize what she just wrote. The _third_ time. Tobias used the nickname Four _because of his mom._ I flip through the journal quickly. There’s nothing on Tobias’ birthday, but a few days after there is an entry.

_I can’t believe I’m a mom! I never thought I would see this day. I’ve wanted this more than anything. This little boy, my sweet, sweet Tobias, he’s my everything. He is my savior._

_I never thought it was possible to love someone so much. His chubby little toes, his bald little head, those deep blue eyes. They all remind me of Marcus, but that’s okay. I know he will never be like his father. I won’t let him. If I have to flee to the ends of the earth to protect him, I will. I am going to do whatever it takes to show him he was worth it._

_My brave little boy. My fighter. My lucky number four._

Whatever tears I managed to fight off before come freely now. I flip back a few entries and see that my suspicions are right; Marcus beat Evelyn while she was pregnant with Tobias. But unlike the others, he made it. I close the journal and hold it against me. A part of me feels guilty for intruding on something so personal like this, but another part of me is grateful for it. I can give this to Tobias. I can show him just how much his mother loved him. But most of all, I can let him know all about Four.

I wipe my face again and take a deep breath, clutching the journal tightly to me as I walk down the hall towards the music. When I reach the door, I can’t help but stop and stare.

Tobias is hitting a punching bag with no shirt on. I watch how every muscle in his arms and back tighten and move with each hit; the way his tattoo takes up so much space, and manages to look like a raging fire as he pulls back and lets go each time. I lean against the door frame and just take it all in. This wonderful human being, is mine. My moment of infatuation is cut short by a booming voice.

“Just who the hell are you?” I jump and turn, coming face to face with an older man. His face is hard and cold, but not nearly as cold as his eyes. The same eyes that Tobias has. I open my mouth, but no words come out.  
“This is Tris, my girlfriend,” Tobias says as he comes up next to me. Marcus looks me up and down, a clearly disapproving look on his face. His eyes linger for a moment on my ravens; it makes me feel exposed and dirty.

“Is that _my_ book?” he asks. I look down, thankful that I put the Little Women cover back on it.  
“Yes,” I say. “I was just in the library while Tobias—"  
“I don’t give a shit what you were doing. Nobody gave you permission to touch my things.” I feel myself getting redder, but it has nothing to do with embarrassment for once. He clearly doesn’t care about the book. If he cared, he would have found this journal long ago. He only cares that I got it without his permission.

“I’ll put it back,” I say quietly.  
“Tris, no,” Tobias says, turning his back on his father. I don’t miss the look of utter revulsion that crosses Marcus’ face. “I gave you permission. Go ahead and put it back for now though, and we’ll get ready for dinner.”  
“Please do,” Marcus says. “And make sure you keep that trash covered while you’re here. This is a respectable home where we don’t desecrate our bodies.” Tobias rolls his eyes, but gives me a small smile and a gentle push towards the library.  
“I certainly hope you showed her to her _own_ room,” I hear Marcus say as I walk into the library.

I put the books away carefully, but space them out so they don’t look like one is missing. I peek around the corner, and see that Tobias and Marcus are gone. I hurry into our room, closing the door behind me.

“Flirting with death?” I hear Tobias say as he tips his head towards the book in my hand.  
“Oh, you know me,” I say, waving my hand in the air. “This book is important. Tobias, just trust me when I tell you that, okay?”  
“Tris, what are—"  
“No. Later.” I say, pecking him on the cheek. I tuck the book in the very bottom of the bag I packed and pull out my clothes for the evening. “Let’s just get this over with.”

 

* * *

 

 

I silently thank god that I listened to Christina and brought along a semi-fancy black dress. Unfortunately it’s lace at the top, so my tattoo is visible. I style my hair so it lays over my left shoulder, hoping between that and the lace pattern, Marcus won’t notice or mention anything. When Tobias comes out of the closet, he’s dressed in a nice black suit.

“Wow,” I say, smiling. “You clean up nicely.”  
“Yeah. It’s amazing what years of fear can do to you.” The smile immediately falls from my face.  
“Tobias, that’s not what I meant."  
“I know,” he says, leaning down and kissing me on the side of my head. “I _can_ joke about it.” _Right,_ I think, _but you shouldn’t have to_.

I watch as he buttons his top button and grabs his tie. He effortlessly ties it in a perfect knot before turning and handing me his pocket square. It’s plaid —white navy and burgundy— the latter matching his tie.

“Care to do the honors?” he asks with a little smirk on his face as he shrugs on his jacket. I smile, tucking it neatly into the breast pocket.  
“So, burgundy? For some reason, I never took you as anything more than a black or blue kind of guy,” I say, giving him a little poke. “Maybe a little gray.”  
“So what you’re saying is you think I’m boring.”  
“I am not!”  
“Yes you are,” he teases. “You just wait until later. I’ll show you who’s boring then.” I feel myself blush as I look up at him. He licks his lips and gives me a wink and I desperately wish we didn’t have to go to dinner.

“I think you’re missing something,” he says, looking me over.  
“What?” I ask, looking down. “I’m as covered as I can be, so I don’t think Marcus will have a reason to object or make any comments.”

I didn't notice Tobias walked away until I see him walking back, holding something out for me. I look up and see a long blue box with a tiny white bow on it.

“Tobias,” I whisper. I stare at the box for minute before bringing my eyes up to his.  
He smiles just a little before saying, “Take it.”

I hesitate before I reach out and take the box from him. My hands tremble a bit as I pull the lid off to reveal what’s inside.

“Oh, shit. Tobias, it’s beyond beautiful. But I can’t. This is too much. Oh my god.”  
“Well, if I got you to cuss, then I must have done something right,” he says, taking the box from me. I give a nervous laugh as he pulls the necklace out and unclasps it. I move my hair and let him put it on me; it rests perfectly against my chest. He walks me over to the mirror and stands behind me as I stare at myself.

“Tobias, it’s beyond amazing, but I can’t accept this. I mean, _Tiffany’s_? You could have got me something from the swap meet and I wouldn’t have cared. You didn’t even _have_ to get me anything.”  
“I know,” he says from behind me, and I finally bring my eyes up to his. “But I just happened to see it, and I immediately thought of you. I couldn’t resist.”  
“Me?” I say, running my finger over the star shaped diamond pendant. “Why?”  
“Because,” he says, bending down to kiss the top of my head. “You’re my true north. Whenever I lose my way, all I have to do is think of you, and I find my way back.”

I wonder if this is one of those moments where Christina would speak up, calling Tobias out on his cheesy sense of romance.

I also don’t care.

I turn and wrap my arms around him, and I swear I can feel his heart beat against mine. “I love you,” I whisper, and freeze.

 _I just said that out loud_.

I feel his grip loosen slightly, and I close my eyes, realizing that I’ve probably messed everything up. It’s too soon to be saying something like this. We’ve only known each other for what, 3 months? _God_ , what possessed me to say that? I mean, I’ve been feeling it, for a while now. Even flirted around with the _idea_ of saying it, but that doesn’t mean I should have. Stupid. Stupid. _Stupid_. I pull back and chance a look at Tobias. His eyes are wide, but his face is totally unreadable.

“Okaay. Well, let’s go to dinner then,” I say, extracting myself and hurrying past Tobias. I’m stepping into my flats when I feel his hand slip into mine. He tugs me back to him, but I stare at his chest, unable to face the giant, awkward elephant in the room. A few seconds pass before he places his fingers under my chin and lifts my face to his.

His eyes are soft now, and dark they way the get sometimes. He leans down and kisses me, and my heart threatens to leap right out of my chest. How he always conveys exactly what he’s feeling through just the touch of our lips or the brush of his tongue, I'll never know, but I'm glad he does it. I let out a soft, contented sigh when he pulls away, and open my eyes to see him smiling down at me.  
“I love you, too.”

I can physically feel my heart thumping in my throat. I swallow hard and bite my lip, hating that I’m doubting this moment.

“I don’t know why I said it, but I do mean it, Tobias. I just want to make sure that you’re not saying it just because I did.”  
“Never,” he says. “I, umm, I’ve actually stopped myself from saying it once or twice before.” I smile as he blushes a little.  
“Why didn’t you say it?”  
“I was afraid it might…scare you off.”  
“Sorry, you can’t get rid of me that easily,” I say.  
“Good.”

He takes my face in his hands and kisses me again. I thought it might feel different, but I think deep down I’ve known since the cruise that we would end up in this moment sooner rather than later. I think maybe I’ve felt this way all along and I’ve just done a horrible job at admitting it.

I don’t mind admitting it now.

“Tobias,” I say, pulling away. “I love you.”  
“I love you too, Tris.”

 

* * *

 

This is the fanciest dinner I’ve ever seen.

Tobias and I sit at one end of a long table, while Marcus sits at the other. I wish I felt bad about the space that’s between us, but I’m sure it’s better this way. The table is covered in enough food to feed a small army, and it’s just the three of us. Mashed potatoes, corn, rolls, three different vegetables, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and at least five other dishes I don’t recognize. When the turkey is brought out, I look over to Tobias with my mouth hanging open.

“Is this a turkey or an ostrich?” I whisper. His eyes flit to mine quickly before landing back on Marcus. I should keep quiet. I don't know if he heard, but I turn towards Marcus and smile politely.

He bows his head and I see Tobias do the same, so I do it too. I listen as Marcus says a prayer, giving a long list of thanks, which mostly involve his career and how he got there. At the tail end he mentions Tobias, and I feel myself struggling to stay polite.

Tobias goes next, thanking his father for everything he has, and I mentally cringe. He goes on to list a few more things, and reaches out to take my hand and squeezes it as he mentions me. I swear I hear a scoff from the other end of the table. The room is silent for a while when I feel Tobias give me a gentle kick. _Oh_.

“I’m thankful for my parents, even though they are no longer here. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without their love and support, even though the holidays just aren’t the same without them. I’m thankful that my brother has been afforded such a wonderful opportunity to live and study overseas, even if that means he can’t be here with me today. I’m also thankful for the wonderful friends I have made in my life, but most of all I am thankful that I met Tobias. Even with all of the things he has been through in his life, he still manages to love me the way I deserve to be loved.” I wanted to be much worse -talk about the abuse he suffered at the hands of the man who he calls dad- but I hear another scoff and I know I've at least made _some_ point.

I finally look up when I hear Marcus stand, and Tobias keeps his eyes focused on his father. I smile sweetly as I give my attention to Marcus too. He looks between the two of us before snatching up the carving fork and knife. The look in his eye makes me hope I didn't make a mistake.

We eat in silence. It's so different than what I’m used to. My family would talk and laugh and share stories and jokes. Here though, there is no love to share. You are a robot, activated only when Marcus presses your button. I can't imagine growing up this way.

“Tris,” he says from the end of the table, and I glance at Tobias quickly before turning my attention towards him.  
“Yes?”  
“What is it you are studying in school?”  
“Oh, well I haven’t decided exactly what I want to do just yet, but I’m taking the science route. You know, maybe find a cure for something one day.”  
“Oh. That’s…nice,” he says, and goes back to his meal.

It doesn't take a genius to see that he’s already dismissed me as not good enough for Tobias, but his response has me hearing him in my head, chastising me for my choices. _There’s no money to be made in cures_.

People like him make me sick.

After the wonderful meal dessert is brought out, and Tobias and I each have a slice of pumpkin and apple pie with whipped cream, while Marcus has none. It would cause too much joy in his life, I’m sure.

I make sure to thank the chef and the caterers for the meal before we head upstairs. Just before we walk into our room, Marcus calls out to Tobias.

“I’ll just be a minute. Go on,” he says. I smile at Marcus, hoping to diffuse anything that might happen, but his face remains hard and blank. Tobias closes the door behind me, and I feel uneasy leaving them alone. I try to listen, but all I hear is muffled sounds that I can’t make heads or tails of. Instead I sit on the bed and wait.

I look around the bare room when my eyes land on the blue glass sculpture. I can’t quite make out what it’s supposed to be, but my best guess is it's an artists rendition of a waterfall. It looks so out of place in here. I can’t imagine growing up and not being able to truly express who you are— whether it’s through posters or pictures of your friends or even comic books. The door opens, and I look up to see Tobias, his face redder than it's ever been before.

“Tris,” he says, calm and completely monotone despite his looks, “Would you please allow me to escort you to your room for the night?”  
“Oh. Sure,” I say, picking up my bag. He takes it from me and I follow him down the hallway towards the opposite end of the house. We walk past Marcus —who has a smug look of satisfaction on his face— and it takes everything in me to not smack it off of him.

Tobias opens a door, and sets my bag down. “I’m sorry,” he says.  
“Don’t be,” I say, waving my hand. “I get it. I’ll see you in the morning?”  
“Yeah. Goodnight, Tris.”  
“Night.”

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up to the sun streaming through the windows. I groan and pull the blanket up over my head, not even daring to look at what time it is. It’s not often I get to sleep in, so I hope it’s not too early.

Eventually I peek out and pull my phone off the nightstand; it’s just after eight. That’s later than I thought it was. I yawn and stretch and hop out of bed in search of a bathroom; Tobias didn’t show me where it was on this side of the house. I find it on the third try, and run back to grab my stuff to shower. Tobias comes in the room just as I’m about to head back.

“I really hate to do this, but you’ve gotta go.” I notice he’s in another suit and groomed impeccably- even his stubble from yesterday is gone. I raise an eyebrow at him, but he just pleads with his eyes. “I promise I will fill you in later, but you’re gonna have to trust me. A cab’s already waiting.”  
“Are you okay?” I ask.  
“Yes. I’ll be fine. Please don’t worry. I’ll call you tonight, okay? But right now I have to go and so do you.”

I gather up what I brought and pull a sweatshirt over my pajamas before kissing Tobias goodbye. He hurries downstairs and I hear quite a few voices greet him. I wait for just a minute before quietly leaving the house. Whatever is happening, I don’t like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG: The Beatles - I've Just Seen a Face


	9. PAIN AND PLEASURE

**Tobias**

 

My father woke me up bright and early to inform me that our guests were going to be here an hour earlier than planned. He only had to give me that look —the one that says he means business— and I instantly knew — Tris was no longer welcome.

I don’t know what possessed me to invite her over in the first place, let alone have her spend the night. He made sure to let me know just how much he disapproved of a harlot who was willing to sleep in the same room as another man. Funny how that rule doesn’t apply to him.

I showered quickly, hoping to catch her before she even woke up, and shoved her out the door —in her pajamas of all things— with a peck on the cheek and a promise of an explanation. Even though she knows about my past, how do you say ‘Hey. My dad’s a grade-A asshole who's running my life, and I can’t really do anything about it because he pays for everything and I kinda like it?’

You don’t.

Well, not without getting a look, anyways. I hate that look.

The meeting went as smooth as it could, being that I was basically on show for all of my fathers suck-ups to see. I played my part as I always have, parroting the things that they said and giving them the standard answers my father approved of. I even told them how I was studying to become a lawyer in order to legally advise my father and his friends. _Them_. They raved and patted my father on the back, congratulating him on his successes.

That however, did not make up for the mistake I made with Tris.

I sneeze and wince. This drive home has been a hard one. My eye has finally started to relax and not feel so swollen, but squeezing my eyes shut just now made it throb. I pull off into a gas station and buy the biggest, coldest drink I can.

“Ouch,” the cashier says. “That’s gonna be a good one.”  
“Yeah,” I say, not really wanting to talk about the black eye that’s surely already formed.  
“The holidays and family. What a combination,” he says, handing me my change. “Take it easy, man. And don’t worry about that. Just tell everyone something cool, like you got in a bar fight.”  
“Thanks,” I growl out. Like I need some fuckwit telling me how to make up a cover story.

I flip my visor down and look in the mirror when I get back in my car. It’s practically black. Fantastic. I hold the drink to my face for the rest of the drive home.

 

* * *

 

 

“How many times is this?”  
“I’m pretty sure I’ve lost count.”  
“How many _more_ times are we going to do this?”  
“Zeke, I need a friend, not a lecture,” I say as I look up at him.

He purses his lips and turns my face, getting a good look at my eye. “How’d he manage to get you?”  
“A fucking sucker punch, how else?” I snarl. “The least the asshole could do is make it a fair fight.”  
“Yeah, well, in a fair fight, that asshole would lose. And you know damn well he wouldn’t have any of that.”

I hate that he’s right.

“Seriously though, when are you going to say 'enough is enough'? You don’t need him, you know.”  
“Zeke—"  
“ _Tobias_ ,” he says with an eyebrow raised. It’s not often Zeke wants to be serious. Or uses my given name. I sigh. “Just tell him to fuck off. You’ve got some money saved, right? You can come live with me and we’ll run the garage with my uncle.”

_Okay_ , I want to say, but instead “You make it sound so easy,” comes out. It's the truth though. It's _never_ that easy where Marcus is concerned.  
“Why isn’t it? How much do you have saved up? Like ten grand? That’s more than enough to float on by for a while.”  
“ _Ezekiel_ ,” I say, throwing his full name back at him now, “You think after all this time I only have ten grand?”  
“Well, you can’t make a bold statement like that and not tell me,” Zeke says, grinning. I brace myself for the hell I'm about to catch.

“Fine. But if you say anything to anyone else, _you’re_ going to be the one with a black eye.”  
“No need for threats man,” he says, holding his hands up.  
“I have almost fifty,” I say quietly.  
“Fifteen?”  
“Fifty!” I yell, and Zeke’s eyes open up wide.

“You mean to tell me, you have fifty- _fucking_ -thousand dollars saved up, and you’re letting that asshole _still_ tell you what to do? What the hell are you waiting for? A sign from god?”  
“Zeke.”  
“Don’t Zeke me, man. You got a great girl and you know you’ll have a job here if you want it. Your car’s already paid for. Take that money, put a down payment on a house, ask Tris to live in it with you, and tell Marcus to fuck off. You don’t need that in your life anymore, man.”  
“I know. It’s still not that easy, Zeke.” He looks down and shakes his head, but I know he understands.

I want to walk away from Marcus, more than anything, but until I know for a fact I am completely able to, I can’t do it. I don’t ever want to have to go back for _any_ reason. I want to forget that he even exists.

“How the hell have you pulled this off without getting caught?” he asks, smiling wider than I think I've ever seen before.  
“You think Marcus pays his own bills? I wouldn’t be surprised if half his staff isn’t taking money from him. People with good credit have amazingly large amounts of cash they can withdraw at one time.”  
“Good,” Zeke says. “Still though. Fifty grand.”  
“His accountant probably thinks I have a gambling or drug problem,” I say and Zeke laughs.

“So, you talk to Tris yet?”  
“No,” I say. “It’s Friday date night, and I’m not really sure if I know how to handle this.”  
“You’ll handle it like you always do,” he says, taking a swig of his beer. He slaps me on the shoulder, and gives me that smile. “So are we gonna mope, or are we gonna play car?”

I spend some much needed time forgetting about everything and diving headfirst into the rebuild. Zeke and his uncle just got in most of the parts we were waiting on, so we do what we can, putting the pieces of the engine into place. Once the new fenders come in, the car will be ready to paint, and I can’t wait to see this baby cherry red.

“Hey,” Zeke says as he opens another beer, “It’s almost time for you to get going. Need my help?” he asks, pointing to my eye.  
“No, I got it. Thanks though. I needed this more than you know.”  
“Hey, that’s what I’m here for. Now go make goo goo eyes at your girl.” I laugh and give him shove.

 

* * *

 

 

I check my eye again, and sigh when it still doesn't look any different. I mastered the skill of cover-up a long time ago, but it’s been a while since I've had to put it into practice, and this particular bruise is a deeper shade of purple than I've had to deal with before. I sigh as wash my face. If I can’t cover it, then I might as well let it show.

The cursor hovers over Tris’ name as I try to put what happened into words. I have to make sure she understands that this was in no way her fault. He would have probably found a different reason to hit me, if I’m being honest with myself. I take out my phone at the last second, deciding that this would be a whole lot easier if I knew that it was just her and I.

_\- Hi._

_\- Hey. Something up?_

_\- No. Just checking that you’re all alone._

_\- Yeah. Chris is gone.  
_ _Why? What’s up?_

I take a deep breath and click on her name.

She answers with a cheerful “Hey,” immediately followed by her face coming in close to the screen.  
“Tobias,” she says seriously. “What happened?”

“First, I’m fine,” I say, reassuring her; I can already see her biting her lip. “And I want you to know that this is _not_ your fault.”  
“You can’t be serious. Tobias? Did he _hit_ you? If he did, I am going to—"  
“Do nothing,” I interrupt. “Tris, I really, _really_ appreciate the sentiment, but you’re going to do nothing.”

We're silent for a while. I can see the wheels turning inside of that beautiful head of hers, and I know what she's thinking. I just don't know how to convince her that she's wrong. He did this long before I ever met her. And more often.

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?" she finally says, clearing her throat. I shake my head but she continues on. "I wasn’t perfect enough, and I made some smart-mouth replies. Oh god, Tobias. I am so sorry.” Her eyes dart around my face, and even through the crappy connection, I can see the moisture forming in them.  
“Tris, do not _ever_ apologize to me for what he does again. I already told you. This is not your fault. It’s just…Marcus.”  
“Did he even give you a reason why?” I don’t answer. She just closes her eyes and shakes her head.

“Can you come over?”  
“What?”  
“Now. Just come over.”  
“Tris, I wish I could, but I have a big day at work tomorrow. I really just need to get some ice on this and sleep and pray that I don’t look like I got in a fight. But thank you.”  
“Okay,” she says quietly. “And you’re welcome.”

We spend the next few minutes talking about nothing in particular, but neither one of us is really into it. Eventually we say our goodbyes, having the shortest conversation since we met.

I briefly pick up my keys —telling myself to fuck everything and go be with Tris— but I set them back down, take four aspirin, and lay down with a bag of frozen corn on my face instead.

 

* * *

 

 

I walk through the office quickly, looking down to avoid the inevitable stares. Most people ignore me, but the few who see me immediately try to offer me some sort of condolence, even though none of them could even dream up the scenario in which I got it.

“Thanks,” I mutter as I pass by, and shut myself in my office. I plop down in my chair and close my eyes as I wait for my computer to boot up. A soft knock on my door let’s me know it’s already beginning.

“Come in.”  
“Hey,” Tori says, shutting the door behind her. I take a deep breath, because I already know what’s coming. Tori knows better than anyone.

“So I see Thanksgiving went well,” she says as she sits down. “If it’s money you need, I have some stashed away. I can loan it to you, Tobias.”  
“Tori,” I start. “I appreciate it, I do, but it’s fine. I’m fine.”  
“No, you’re not.”

I don’t invite many people into my circle, and even less make their way past ‘Four’, but Tori is an exception. She and my father dated briefly, years ago, and she’s all too familiar with his wrath. She got out, but not without an offer of friendship and trust and a listening ear. When she comes around my desk, I don’t push her away. She sits on the arm of my chair, and I welcome her arms around me. She could have been my stepmother had things worked out differently.

“You don’t deserve this,” she whispers, resting her head on top of mine, “And you don’t have to accept it as a part of your life.”  
“I already did, a long time ago. Please don’t worry, Tori. I have a plan. I’m almost there.”  
“Tell you what,” she says, tipping my face up to hers. “Why don’t you call that gorgeous girlfriend of yours, and spend the day with her. I bet she can make it feel better.”

I bet she can, too.

“Thanks, Tori but—"  
“But nothing. Now go on and get out of here before I call security and have them escort you out. Whatever you’re working on can wait; that's a direct order from your boss. And if anyone gets upset, you just direct them to me.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Security!” she yells, and I laugh.  
“Okay, okay. Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome, Tobias.”

 

* * *

 

 

I head home and change into something comfortable before I set out. Tris meets with a study group now on Saturdays, and I’m sure I’ll be sitting around with her in the library for a little while before we can go out and do anything.

I know schools have big libraries for a reason, but this place is ridiculous. A quick thought crosses my mind — a memory really— of Al telling her the library was closed. Unless the entire roof caved in, they would have just blocked off a portion of it. I grit my teeth at the thought of him taking advantage of her trust.

I walk around, wondering how on earth I’m going to be able to find her in here. It’s less crowded than I thought it would be, but between the never-ending rows of books and private study tables and groups study tables, it takes me almost fifteen minutes to find her.

“Hey!” she says, her face lighting up when she sees me. “What are you doing here?”  
“Just came to learn,” I say, pulling a chair up beside her. I take my coat off and hang it on the back of the chair before sitting down. “Pretend like I’m not even here,” I say to the group, who are either looking at me with disgust for interrupting, or wondering just what I did to get this black eye. Tris puts her free hand on my thigh and it’s comforting, her small reassurance.

I listen, and watch as she takes notes and wonder what her drive is to be perfect. Well, not _perfect_ , but she refuses to fail, even if that means all her free time is spent doing this.

I don’t know how much time passes, but I feel Tris’ hand move up my thigh and squeeze. I open my eyes, not realizing I had started to doze. " _Sorry,"_ I mouth, but she just smiles. A second later I see her shiver.

“Cold?” I ask, and she nods. I take my jacket and drape it across her legs— she’s only wearing a long sweater and thin leggings.  
“Thanks,” she whispers, moving her hand even higher up and giving me another squeeze.

Oh two can play at this game.

Somehow the fates have aligned, and in my dozing the people closest to us had left. Tris and I are virtually alone at our end of the table. I stretch and put my hand on her thigh, underneath my coat. She shoots me a look, but smiles, and that’s all I need.

I rub my thumb in a circle where my hand rests, and I see Tris relax. I move my hand up slightly, and in response she moves her leg closer to me. I watch her take a few notes, and she even asks a question, and I have to suppress a smile. After a minute I decide to be bold, and move my hand so my pinky is nestled perfectly up against her. I swear I can feel her get wet, and I squirm a bit as I try to keep myself under control.

“Perhaps it’s time for a fifteen minute break,” the guy running the study group says.  
“Oh thank god,” Tris says, standing up and letting my jacket fall to the floor. She takes my hand and pulls me quickly through the never ending rows of books until I swear we are the only people left on the planet.

“This is good,” she says, placing her mouth on mine as she shoves me up against a bookcase. I love how feisty she can get when she’s in the mood, and it only serves to fuel my own desires. I take a quick look around and lift up her sweater, allowing myself access to her leggings. I tease her by running my fingers along the band, occasionally pulling it and letting it snap back.

“Is this okay?”  
“Yes,” she whispers. I slide my hand in them; I was right, she’s practically soaked.  
“How about this?” I ask, smiling as run my finger through her folds.  
“Oh god, yes.”

I tease her for a minute before sliding a finger into her. She hums in approval, and I can’t hold back the grin that spreads across my face. I nuzzle into her neck, breathing in her scent and kissing her softly before making my way to her mouth. I kiss her deeply as my finger glides in and out of her, loving the small pants and hums she occasionally lets out. When she starts to fumble with my pants, I don’t stop her. She slides a hand in and I groan as she strokes me, feeling her smile against me.

“I love when you make those noises,” she whispers.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah.” She looks right into my eyes as she grinds against my hand. _Jesus_.

She raises an eyebrow at me, and I know exactly what it means. I remove my hand, allowing her to drop down to her knees, taking my pants along with her. The way she looks up at me with those gray eyes of hers makes my heart beat just a little faster. It could also be the fact that she has my cock in her mouth.

I look around quickly, making sure nobody has found their way back here before closing my eyes and letting my head rest against the books. The way her lips close tightly around me, and the way she occasionally stops to tease me with just the tip of her tongue is threatening to make me lose it in no time. I try to distract myself to last longer, but I can't stop thinking about how wet she is. _Fuck_.

I take one last look at her, at the way her mouth moves effortlessly in her desire to please me, and pull her up.

“What?” she asks, frantically looking around.  
“Nothing,” I say, lifting her sweater and tugging at her leggings. A grin crosses her face as she quickly slips her boots off. I tug them down, freeing just one leg before pushing her up against the bookshelf. She wraps her legs around me as I lift her up, and as I settle deep inside of her, her sigh makes me twitch.

She bites my shoulder as I thrust into her, doing my best to hold on to satisfy her, but they call this a quickie for a reason. I squeeze her hips tightly as I think about how fucking lucky I am. This smart, loving, beautiful woman was just on her knees, pleasuring me, and didn’t even bat an eye when I ripped her pants off to fuck her in public. In fact, she drug _me_ back here. God, I love her.

“Tobias,” she whispers, and the breathy way she says it does it for me. I grunt as I come, and she digs her fingernails into me, letting out a soft hum of her own. For once, I welcome pain on my back. I slow my thrusts, keeping them deep, not wanting it to be over as she kisses me softly on my neck.

“Fuck,” I say, looking into her eyes as she lifts her head. She smiles, her eyes glossy and heavy. I hold her there, kissing her again and again until she pulls away.  
“Time,” she says, and I remember why we’re doing this in a library.

We make it back to her study group with not much time to spare. A few look and stare, but Tris just picks up her pen and starts the session back up with a question like nothing happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG: Beyonce - Partition


	10. CHRISTMAS

I feel like a liar, having kept this to myself for almost a month, but I needed to read it first. I needed to try and find out what made Marcus become the awful person he is, but most of all, I needed to know that she was as good as Tobias’ memories. I could never take those away from him.

I put the numbered tab on the last page I want him to read —the one where his mother writes how proud she is and how much she loves him— and close the journal. I set it in the box and wrap it up tight, placing a giant bow on it before sticking it underneath the tiny tree Christina and I have in our room. Christmas is still a few days away, but we’re having our ‘family’ Christmas later today. I won’t give this to him then, though. This is something for just the two of us.

“Ready?” Christina asks as she places her gifts for everyone in a bag.  
“Yep,” I say, holding up my own bag.  
“What about this one? It’s for…it doesn’t say?” She flips the present over, looking for a tag.  
“That one is staying.”  
“Oh? A little something for your man?” She winks and me and I just roll my eyes.

“Yay more presents!” Uriah yells out when Will, Christina and I walk in. Nobody has a big enough place for all of us to fit comfortably, so we’re all meeting at Hana’s. Zeke and Uriah’s mom has always been the unofficial mom of the group. She's kept an eye on Tobias over the years too, and I’m thankful for that. The more people he has in his life to love him, the better.  
“Get your paws off!” Christina yells as she slinks by a grabby Uriah. I laugh as I slink by too.

I turn around just in time to see Tobias walk in, and smile. His hands are also full of gifts, and Uriah manages to snatch the biggest one and run off with it.  
“Aww man! It’s for Zeke! What a rip-off.” Tobias drops his gifts in a messy pile and stalks after Uriah, snatching the present back.

“If you don’t want me to return _your_ shit, keep your hands _off_.” Uriah’s mouth hangs open and Tobias winks at me when he turns around. I smile at Uriah who gets an elbow to the ribs from his brother.  
“You’re kinda scary when you do that,” I whisper in his ear when he hugs me. He just winks at me again when he pulls away.

We have a simple spaghetti dinner together, everyone sharing stories and memories from times before I knew the gang; Christina and I do the same for them. I smile as everyone’s pasts are slowly filled in. I feel like everything's falling into place and I can see what drew everyone to each other the more we talk. I watch Tobias as he talks and laughs — it’s the simple times like these that make me wonder if fate is a real thing. I almost didn’t go on that cruise. I almost didn’t meet all these wonderful people. If fate is indeed real, then fate had very specific plans for me.

We gather around the tree afterwards, and agree that everyone should get a chance to play Santa. Will goes first, doling out everyone’s presents from him.

You would think we were a bunch of five year olds.

Paper, bows, ribbon— all of it flying as we tear into our gifts. Christina squeals at the pair of boots she got, while Zeke gives Will a high-five for the gift card so he can download some more music. I got a small bottle of perfume I like, and I look at Christina, mouthing her a _"Thank you"_.

Zeke goes next, follow by Uriah, Marlene, Shauna, and Christina. Then it’s my turn, because Tobias insists he goes last.

I crawl through the paper disaster that used to be a living room, and hand out my gifts. On the count of three, they rip into them, and I smile as each one of my friends thanks me for their gifts. It will always be difficult, but seeing everyone's smiling faces and feeling the love they have for one another spreading throughout the room, I don't feel guilty celebrating the holidays without my parents. I have a new family now. A much larger one, and I love them all.

Tobias hands out his gifts, and I’m excited to see what mine is. He counts to three, and we tear into them. I open the box and pull out the cute fuzzy Ugg purse I mentioned I liked when we wandered the mall a couple of weeks ago.

“Four,” I say. “You shouldn’t have.” He really shouldn’t have. I know how much this thing cost, and I feel like a jerk for only getting him a nice shirt and a certificate to take his car in to get detailed. He simply waves his hand at me and turns his attention to Zeke, who is staring at his gift, mouth open.

“Dude,” he says. “I can’t believe you found this. I mean… _how_?”  
“It was easy actually. I just had to convince the seller to not bend me over on the price.”  
“What is it?” Uriah asks, craning his neck to see. Zeke reaches in the box and pulls out what looks like a toy. Something from… _Star Wars_? I look over at Tobias who has a grin plastered on his face.

“I don’t get it,” Marlene says. “So clue the rest of us in please.”  
“When we were kids,” Tobias starts, “Zeke had one of those, and we were playing Star Wars. I was a storm trooper, and he was—"  
“Boba Fett,” Zeke interrupts. “And he didn’t mean to, but Four broke it, and I was crushed. By then it was already a vintage toy, and you couldn’t find it without people asking a fortune for it. My mom couldn’t afford to replace it, and Marcus…”

Marcus would never pay for something as trivial as a toy.

“This is too much, man. Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome,” Tobias says. “You’ve been there for me, throughout everything. I just wanted to let you know how grateful I was for all of it. Plus, I figured it was time I finally paid you back for that.” He wraps an arm around me, and I watch as he and Zeke share a look and a nod.

“Okay, enough sappy shit. Let’s clean up before mom comes home and beats all our asses for messing up her living room,” Uriah says with a grin.  
"Oh, no. I have a tummy ache," Zeke says, rubbing his stomach and making a pouty face. We all immediately catch on and start laying down, moaning and complaining about how we can't help.  
"Very funny. Now get up you jerks," Uriah says, grinning ear to ear.

“I have something else for you,” Tobias whispers as we clean.  
“Oh? Well, don’t think you’re gonna out-do me, because I have something else for you too,” I say, smiling.  
“It’s probably just his dick with a bow on it,” Zeke whispers from the other side of me, and I let out a loud laugh.

 

* * *

 

“Merry Christmas!” Christina sings from her bed. “Get up! I have something to share with you!”  
“Chris,” I say, cracking an eye. “Santa better have come if you’re waking me up.”  
“Oh, this is better than Santa.” She jumps onto my bed and pulls me into a bone-crushing hug.  
“Chris,” I wheeze out.  
“Sorry! I’m just so excited!” She pulls my comforter down and snuggles up next to me.

“Okay, so you know how Will and I went out to dinner last night?”  
“Mmm-hmm.”  
“Well, he was acting all nervous, right? So I was nervous, thinking he was gonna break up with me or something, which would have been a really shitty thing to do on Christmas Eve. Anyways, he wouldn’t really talk, or even look at me, and I was almost in tears at one point and had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom and try to keep it together—"  
“Chris. Rambling.”  
“Oh, sorry. Anyways, when I came back, he shoved a box at me, and well…” She holds out her hand, and wiggles a finger. Her _ring_ finger.

“Holy shit!” I say, cupping my hand over my mouth. I sit up and take her hand, eyeing the cute infinity ring. “Chris! You guys barely know each other!”  
“I know that! It’s not an engagement ring, it’s a promise ring. It was actually really sweet. He told me that with his schooling about to ramp up, he wasn’t going to be around as much as he is now, and he wanted me to have something to remember how much he cares about me. It was his promise to always be there, you know, if he couldn’t _actually_ be there.”

“Aww,” I say. “Who’s the cheesy boyfriend now?”  
“Oh, ha ha. But you’re right. It was cheesy, but sweet.”  
“I think that’s pretty much the best way.”

I lay back down with Christina. We giggle at the fact that she has a ring from a boy, and she wraps her arms around me, snuggling in tight.

"Merry Christmas, Tris."  
"Merry Christmas, Chris."

We stay there, dozing, until we decide to run to the cafeteria to get some lunch.

 

* * *

 

Tobias is picking me up at five and taking me back to his place. He had to visit with Marcus and have Christmas morning like a dutiful child, and I'm worried he’s going to come back with another black eye— the one from Thanksgiving hasn't been gone that long. But I wasn’t there this time, so there was hopefully nothing to provoke Marcus.

I stare at Tobias’ gift. I’ve read the whole thing, and I still can’t begin to figure out what it was that prompted the shift in Marcus. He seemed very much in love with Evelyn, and she him. I guess that’s what happens when you have only one side of the story. Maybe one day I’ll ask Marcus and see what his answer is.

I’m sitting on my bed, waiting and twirling my chapstick when there’s a knock at the door.

“Hey,” I say, kissing Tobias on the cheek. Relief floods me when I see his face is unscathed.  
“Ready?” I nod, grabbing his gift and my jacket and my new bag.

We’re silent for most of the trip. Tobias stares at the road, concentrating on more than just it. Or at least that’s how it feels. I’ve opened my mouth to ask what he’s thinking about a couple of times, but ultimately decided it was best to not ask. Instead I hum along to the radio and watch the scenery as it goes by.

I've only been to his place a few times, but it feels comfortable. Cozy. It’s a nice apartment a few miles away from his campus. It’s on the higher end of things, since Marcus pays for it, but it’s nothing like that mansion he grew up in. Thank god.

I sit on the couch, and Tobias plops down next to me. He looks at me for just a minute, again like he has something on his mind, before leaning in and wrapping his arms around me.

“You okay?” I ask, squeezing back tightly.  
“I am now.” I hate when his answers are vague like this. It means something happened.

"What is it?"  
“Umm…it’s election year, you know, next year,” he says, pulling back from me. “Which means I have to play good son and wonderful student and attend bullshit fundraising events.”  
“Okaay.”  
“I just wanted you to know. I hate being paraded around like some perfect shining example of how great my father is. More than anything. It’s just constant ‘Yes Sir’s’ and ‘Isn’t my father the most wonderful man in the world? You should vote for him’ and ‘Of course he’s the perfect candidate for you’. I just…I hate it.” He hangs his head, and I reach out, lifting his face to mine.

“So don’t do it.”  
“I wish it was that easy, Tris.” I wish it was too.

We eat the leftovers from brunch Tobias brought home and cuddle on the couch for a while, watching cute christmas cartoons like The Grinch and Charlie Brown. When Tobias finally speaks up, I can't help but laugh. “Can we do presents?”  
“Yes. We can do presents.” He lights up like little kid. It’s probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

“No arguing. You’re opening mine first,” he says, placing a small box in front of me. My heart races for just a second. This box is approximately the size of a ring box, and Will got Christina a ring… I shake my head and smile, trying to not look nervous as Tobias stares at me.

I pull the ribbon and paper off calmly and open the tiny box. Inside is a… _key_? I pick it up and look it over. It isn’t even cut. I look up at Tobias, who seems to have developed a blush.

“I…umm. Well you see…”  
“Tobias,” I say, grinning now, “You don’t need to be nervous.”  
“I know I don’t,” he says, shooting me a quick look before softening his face. “It’s just a big deal, okay?”  
“Okay.”

A million things are racing through my mind. I mean, a key…to his _heart_? That’s sweet and all, but probably too far on the the cheese scale, even for Tobias. It could be a key to his house, which is a sweet gesture, but it’s not even cut and I hardly come over here anyways. Besides, he has to pick me up to do it, so I wouldn’t even _need_ a key. I turn it over one last time, and raise an eyebrow at him.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he says, “And I need to get away from my father. It’s been far too long that I’ve lived under him, taking his shit. It’s time to move on. I have some money saved —not enough yet, but close— and I was thinking that when the time was right, maybe you and I could, you know, find a house. Together.” He looks around the room, biting the inside of his cheek before finally looking at me.

I feel my face break out into the widest grin it has probably ever had. “I think I would like that.” Now it’s his turn to smile. He leans forward, wrapping his arms around me tightly.  
“I love you,” he whispers into my hair, and that warm feeling runs all throughout me.  
“I love you too.”

I kiss him, putting everything I feel into it; running my hands through his hair, down his back, under his shirt. I feel him shiver and I do it again, smiling against his mouth as he starts to lift up my shirt.

“Nuh, uh. You still have to open my present.”  
“I thought you were the present,” he says, kissing me again.

Something about our kiss has changed, almost for the better. It’s just as passionate as it always is, but it doesn't feel as desperate; it’s nothing but pure love. I pull him even further into me, realizing we just made a different kind of promise to each other; a promise to have a future, together. My heart races at the idea. And maybe because he’s slowly unbuttoning my pants.

We lie in a heap together on the couch afterwards, breathing heavy, bodies sticky with sweat. Tobias runs his hand along my arm, sending a wave of goosebumps out over me. I look up into his eyes, and I know without a doubt that this is right. If Tobias asked me to marry him right now, I would say yes. I feel myself blush at the thought, and Tobias smiles.

“No need to get bashful on me now. I don’t know how you can, after that. How many orgasms was that?”  
“Jesus!” I say, slapping his arm. “No need to stroke your own ego. It’s just us here. You can brag to Zeke later.” He laughs and so do I.  
“Maybe I will.”  
“Tobias, you better not.” He just grins at me and pulls my underwear out from behind his head.

We take a quick shower together and cuddle back up on the couch, my present in his lap. He shakes it, sticking his tongue out in concentration as he tries to guess what it is.

“I can pretty much guarantee you’re not going to figure it out,” I say. “Just open it.” He gives it one last shake and sticks his tongue out at me before tearing into the paper. I hold my breath, hoping this wasn’t a mistake. This has been a fantastic day and I don't want to ruin it.

He takes the lid off and stares into the box for a minute before taking the journal out. It’s obvious it’s not new, with all my colored tabs sticking out of it and the worn leather, but he doesn’t open it. Instead I see the confusion on his face replaced with recognition when he seen the Little Women cover I had placed underneath it. He never asked about it, so I knew he forgot.

“Tris,” he whispers.  
“Tab one is right in front,” I say nervously. His eyes flick up to mine quickly before looking back down. He opens the journal where tab one is —where his mothers name is written in neat penmanship— and inhales sharply.

“How did you? I mean…this was _there?_ The whole time?”  
“Mmm-hmm. I didn’t mean to find it. Obviously. But I knew it was too important to leave behind once I saw what it was.” He smiles as he looks down, running a soft finger over his mothers name.

“I’m sorry that I read it first. But I just didn’t want…I mean…I needed to know if it was going to hurt you or not.”  
“Is it?” he asks quietly.  
“Some of it,” I answer honestly. “But I still think it’s worth reading. If you don’t want to read it all now, I understand. But there’s a special tab —the gold one— that I would at least like you to read.”  
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “You went through all this trouble.”

He fingers the tabs until he sees the one with a 2 on it, and flips to it; it’s the first time she met Marcus. Tobias’ face is unreadable as he looks it over. He must read it four or five times, because he spends a long time on that page before finding the next tab.

I had arranged it so that when it came time to start revealing the harder stuff, he could go back and read a good memory to help break it up. I’m sure he’ll read it in order one day, but this seemed like the best way to break everything to him. It was hard enough for me to read it in order, and I’m not her child.

He flips through the tabs but I can’t see his face; he situated himself so he’s looking straight down into his lap. Close to ten minutes pass before I see him reach up, and wipe an eye. I know he’s hit the harder parts when he finally closes the journal.

“Maybe I’ll save the rest for later,” he says quietly.  
“Okay,” I say. “But can you read just one more? The gold one?”  
“I don’t know,” he says. “It’s kind of a lot to take in.”

I feel a little regret, doing this now. Christmas is supposed to be full of love and good memories and presents. Promises of moving in together, even. Not first-hand accounts of how your father beat your mother. God, I’m such an insensitive jerk. I put my head in my hands, and am surprised to feel a nudge. I look up and see Tobias, eyes glossy, holding the journal out.

“Want to read it to me?” I nod and take it, trying to not let the sight of him break my heart. He situates himself so his head is in my lap, and closes his eyes. “Fourteen.”  
I find the tab that has the number fourteen on it, and start reading.

Going to an amusement park with Marcus and friends. A black eye because dinner turned out horrible and they had guests. Finding out about her first pregnancy. Losing her first pregnancy. Vowing to make a committed effort to love one another better. A night spent out drinking and possibly cheating. A second pregnancy. A second loss. This continues on until I reach it— the entry that makes everything worth it. Tobias hasn’t moved or cried or made a single facial expression. He opens his eyes when he realizes I’ve stopped.

“This is the one,” I say.  
“The golden ticket?”  
“Mmm-hmm.” I clear my throat and he closes his eyes again.

“March 8th, 1992,” I start and Tobias’ eyes fly open. “I can’t believe I’m a mom! I never thought I would see this day. I’ve wanted this more than anything. This little boy, my sweet, sweet Tobias, he’s my everything. He is my savior.” I put a hand on his chest; it’s moving up and down fast, his heart beating even quicker. He puts a hand over mine and squeezes it hard.

“I never thought it was possible to love someone so much. His chubby little toes, his bald little head, those deep blue eyes. They all remind me of Marcus, but that’s okay. I know he will never be like his father. I won’t let him. If I have to flee to the ends of the earth to protect him, I will. I am going to do whatever it takes to show him he was worth it.My brave little boy. My fighter. My lucky number four.” My voices falters on the last word, and he squeezes my hand again.

His eyes are wide and glossy, but I’m the one who starts crying. Tobias is everything to me, and he was everything to his mother. Life is so unfair, and I hate that he doesn’t have her. I hate that he was stuck with a father who resents him, a father who never wanted him in the first place. He sits up quickly and wraps his arms around me again, and I hold him back as tight as I possibly can. I am _never_ letting him go.

“Tris,” he whispers, squeezing tighter. "Thank you."  
“You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONGS: Christina Aguilera - Hurt  
> Ed Sheeran - Make it Rain


	11. POSITIVE

“Wake up! Oh god, wake up now!”  
I open my eyes and hear Christina groan in time to the loud banging that's going on.

“Is that our door?” she asks.  
“If it is, I’m going to kill whoever is on the other side of it,” I say, looking at the 6:38 on my clock.  
“Tris? Christina? Please! It’s an emergency.”

Christina throws her covers off and heads to the bathroom while I get up and get the door. I whip it open to a frazzled looking Marlene, who pushes her way in.  
“Oh, god. What happened? Who’s hurt?” I say, taking in her appearance and the time and putting two and two together.  
“Me,” she says, and I let out a loud, somewhat relieved, breath.

Christina flops back into her bed and pulls the covers over her head while I make a trip to the bathroom. I hear another knock and a voice say “I got here as fast as I could. What’s wrong?” I wash my hands and open the door to see Shauna consoling a crying Marlene, and Christina who's now sitting up and staring on with wide eyes. I raise an eyebrow at her, but she just shrugs. We both pile onto my bed and hover over Marlene, waiting for her to calm down and tell us what’s going on.

“Mar,” Shauna eventually says, “You need to tell us why you got everyone up at this god forsaken hour and made me drive over here.” She fishes around in her purse before pulling something out and thrusting it towards Christina.  
“Whoa!” Christina says, eyes large as she hops off the bed, hands up in defense. “Is that what I think it is?”  
“Yes!” Marlene shouts, another bout of crying taking over. I look over at Shauna who’s eyes are just as wide and lean over to get a better look.

It’s a pregnancy test.

And it’s positive.

“Uriah. Valentines,” she wails through her tears. “Stupid. We were _stupid_!”  
“Okay, okay, okay. Just calm down,” Shauna says. “Are you sure? I mean, there are such things as false positives and missing periods for no reason, Mar. Is this the only one you’ve taken?” She nods. “Okay. Then first things first, we need to get another test. A different brand. Chris?”  
“Yeah,” she says. “I’ll buy like 3. Just let me get dressed.”  
“I’m gonna go get you some water so you can chug it,” I say. “And then I’ll go with you Chris. Shauna?”  
“I got it,” she says. “Just hurry.”

I run to the vending machine in the common room and get two bottles of water, slipping on some boots and a hoodie over my pajamas when I get back.

“Well, I have to say, I didn’t envision my Sunday starting out with a trip to buy pregnancy tests,” Christina says as we walk into a grocery store.  
“Right? Maybe while we’re here we should grab an industrial size box of condoms too,” I say, thinking of the couple of times Tobias and I weren’t exactly safe either. “And maybe a few extra pregnancy tests, because now I’m paranoid.”  
“You too? I thought it was just me,” Christina says, laughing.

We stare at the pregnancy tests and pick four different brands, each one a multi-pack, before shuffling down the aisle and grabbing a few different packs of condoms. It’s early, so luckily there’s only a few random people in the store besides the cashiers. We throw everything on the conveyor belt —as well as two bottles of water— and and I see the lady look at the items, look up at us, then back down at the items.

“Isn’t it a little late for this?” she says, swiping the first box of condoms.  
“Isn’t it about time you minded your own business?” Christina says, leveling the woman with a glare. I felt a blush creeping up when I first got up here, but now I’m just as pissed as Christina. Who the hell is this woman to judge us?

We throw some cash down and snatch our change back. I hand Chris a water, and open my own, chugging it as we walk to her car.

“Got it,” Christina says as we walk through the door.  
“Thank god. Between nerves and the water I drank, I’m about to piss myself,” Marlene says.  
“Here,” I say, handing her one of the foam coffee cups I snagged from the lounge on the way back. “Pee in this.”  
“Ew! Is it clean?”  
“Yes, Mar. You can dip the stick in it. That way, you can take more than one test right now.”  
“Oh I know. It’s still gross.” She takes the cup from me and runs to our bathroom.

“This, is a lot of tests. And condoms,” Shauna says as she looks through the bag.  
“We’re paranoid,” Christina answers.  
“Oh good. So I’ll just take one of these then,” she says, pulling a box out and opening it.

We stare at each other while we wait for Marlene. This all feels surreal. I mean, it was bound to happen to one of us one day, I just didn't think that day would be so soon. I expected a few weddings first or in the very least college graduation before this was on the table. I don’t have to use the bathroom yet, and neither does Chris, so we just open the boxes and lay out three tests, reading the instructions that came in each one.

“I never thought you guys would be hovering over a cup of my pee,” Marlene says as we crowd in our small bathroom, “But thank you.”  
"You're welcome," Shauna says.  
“Okay, they all say you leave it in the urine for twenty seconds and then pull it out, and wait for two minutes.” Christina says. “Anyone got a timer?”  
“I do,” I say, grabbing my phone.

We time it perfectly —not wanting to run the risk of screwing up— and replace the cap, setting it down on the counter. We do the same thing with the other two brands, and silently stare at each other as we all sit on my bed for two minutes. Now I can feel _my_ nerves setting in, and it’s not even my test. My phone buzzes— times up. We all look at Marlene who looks like she might puke. She stands slowly, and walks into the bathroom.

“Uhh, guys?” she calls out nervously from the bathroom, “I…umm…help?” Christina and Shauna practically mow each other over to get into the bathroom first. The digital one says ‘not pregnant’ and one of the regular ones is definitely a negative, while the last one looks like it could _maybe-kinda-sorta-possibly_ be positive. Maybe. If the lightings just right.

“Mar, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say these are all negative,” Shauna says. “But we can do another one later, and another one tomorrow. We have a ton of tests.”  
“Dammit. I’m gonna be a huge ball of nerves the whole time. And how am I gonna face Uriah?”  
“How were you gonna face him if they came back positive?”

I look at Chris who looks at Marlene. “Shauna’s right,” she says. “Even if it ends up that you’re not pregnant, you should at least make sure he knows this happened. Scare some sense into that boy.” I nod.

I love Uriah, I do, but he can be a little too much at times. Everything is alway a joke and a good time and a permanent smile on his face. Sometimes I wonder if anything bad has ever happened to him, the way he’s so happy all the time. But this is a _huge_ reality check. Not saying he still can’t have fun, it just feels like he’s more…immature than the rest of us.

“I gotta go now,” Shauna says.  
“Me too. Damn nerves,” Christina says. I just laugh.  
“Here. Might as well make it a party,” I say, handing them each a cup.

“Mar, did you miss your period?” Chris asks while we wait our turn.  
“No.” I look at Chris who looks back at me with an eyebrow raised. I just shrug.

“Then, why did you think you were pregnant?”  
“It was just, really, really light, and I know that can be a sign. I still don’t know how that one was so perfectly positive.”  
“There has to be a reason,” I say. “Did you pee on it? The stick I mean.”  
“No. I put it in the cup, like we did.”  
“Did you follow the instructions?” Christina asks.  
“Well…not exactly.”

This is _such_ a Marlene move. I look at Christina who’s mouth is just hanging open. I know exactly how she feels.

“Marlene!” Christina says.  
“What?” Shauna asks as she comes out of the bathroom.  
“Mar didn’t follow the instructions! What did you do?”  
“I left it in there until it turned positive.”  
“Is that even possible?” I ask. We all look at each other and shrug. Christina goes to the bathroom while I look it up on my phone.

“It says if you leave it in too long, it can create a false positive. Also if it’s expired, or sometimes it can just be a defective one. Was it old?”  
“No. Bought it last night.”  
“Well, it has to be either a defective one, or user error,” I say, shooting Marlene a look.

I head into the bathroom and pee in my cup now —again, something I didn't think I'd be doing today— and call Shauna and Christina in to take out tests. We cap them and set the timer, waiting for what feels like the longest two minutes of my life.

“What if one of us is pregnant?” Christina asks.  
“Oh shut up. That is basically asking for it. Bad juju,” Shauna says. “Besides. We’ve all been safe..ish. We’re just being paranoid.” My phones timer goes off. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I mean, there’s zero indication that I could possibly be pregnant. Still, I squint my eyes, hoping to not see a little plus sign.

“Negative!” Christina shouts. I look over at hers and look at mine, and breathe a sigh of relief that they're identical.  
“Same,” I say. We both look over at Shauna, who’s eyes are wide. Christina leans forward and I see her look between the test and Shauna quickly.

“Holy shit! It’s positive!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG: Queen - Under Pressure
> 
> Fun fact: I used the word pee way too many times in this chapter.
> 
> Thanks again for all the favs and great reviews. You guys really are the best!


	12. FUNDRAISER

_\- It really sucks you have to stay the whole weekend._

_\- I know.  
_ _And I have to miss our Friday night._

_\- It’s ok. It’s only one night. Besides. You can always FaceTime me when you get a chance!_

_\- True! I’ll call you later then._

_\- K._

Tobias has to spend the entire weekend with Marcus. He’s hosting a two-night fundraising event for his re-election at some upscale hotel. I tried to surprise him by buying what was required, but holy hell, who has that kind of money? The people that rub elbows with Marcus Eaton, I suppose.

The cheapest way was for me to buy a plate, which didn’t even actually guarantee me food, and that was five-thousand. They had raffle tickets to try and win an entry, but those were one-thousand each- it wasn’t worth the risk to buy only one. The full package was thirty-five thousand; that guaranteed you a two night stay at the hotel, a private meeting with Marcus, and front row seating during his speeches.

I do not understand politics at all.

I’m laying on my bed, reading, when my phone dings. I look and see it's Zeke.

_\- What are you up to?_

_\- Reading. Being lazy. You?_

_\- Just wondering how fast you can get ready._

_\- Whyyy?_

_\- Wanna play Cinderella? ; )_

A huge smile breaks across my face.

 

* * *

 

 

“I seriously have no idea how you managed to pull this off,” I say, looking at the ticket in my hand. Somehow, Zeke was able to get me into the fundraiser. He said it was because Tobias wouldn’t stop moaning about missing our date. But really, I think Zeke just wants to see him happy, and he knows that Tobias will be anything but having to hang with his dad all weekend.

“I have my ways,” Zeke says with a wink. “Now I don’t know how all this girl stuff works, but you need to be dressed super fancy. I already talked to Shauna, and she has something you can borrow if you don’t have anything.”  
“Like, how fancy?”  
“Like, First Lady fancy.” I scrunch my nose.

I gather some things and Zeke drives me to Shauna’s house. I’m surprised to see Lynn there, however, I’m not surprised to see Marlene.  
“She had some stuff you might want to borrow, too,” Shauna says with a shrug. "And don't worry. We talked to Chris. She said it was okay that you did something like this without her, but _only_ because she's working. She also demanded pictures." I roll my eyes and nod my head. That sounds exactly like Christina.

Shauna leads me to her room, Lynn and Marlene following. I notice a room full of boxes as we pass by, and raise my eyebrow at Lynn.

“I’m moving out,” she says. “The baby needs a room.”  
“Oh. So, everything’s okay then? I know you guys were still talking about what you were going to do, and we haven't really had a chance to talk since then. I was gonna say something to Zeke, but I didn’t want to get in the middle of it.”  
“Yeah, everything's okay now. I'm having the baby, and Zeke’s gonna move in here. I mean, we’re not gonna run out and have a shotgun wedding or anything like that, but we’ve been together for almost three years. It’s where it was headed anyways It's just a little quicker than planned now, and there’s gonna be a little one in the mix.” She smiles, and so do I. I'm glad they talked it out. It’s kind of exciting.

“So where are you going then?” I ask Lynn.  
“Mmm, wherever. I’ve been thinking of getting out of here for a while now. School's just…not for me, and I have a friend who lives in Arizona. She says I can stay with her if I want.”  
“You don’t even know where you’re going, and you’re already packing?” Marlene asks.  
“Eh. I’m a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal. Besides, it’s not like there’s anything holding me back here.” I don’t miss the long look Lynn gives Marlene.  
“Okay,” Shauna says, “It’s all laid out here on the bed. You can pick and choose whatever and hopefully something works.”

I pick up a few things —short skirts, sequins, animal prints— that clearly belong to Marlene. They’re beautiful, classy pieces, they’re just not me. At the very bottom of the pile I see it, and see Shauna smile out of the corner of my eye. It’s long, silver, soft. I run my hand over it, loving the feel and the overall simplicity of it. They way it clasps around my neck is the only decoration.

“This one,” I say. It's perfect.

We all agree to do my makeup very simply— nude eyeshadow, mascara and super light pink lip gloss, but the two of them argue over what to do with my hair.

“It should be up! Big! Lots of curls,” Marlene says.  
“No way. A pretty braid, or some sort of messy bun,” Shauna says. They argue back and forth about which style is better while I just sit there.  
“I think,” Lynn finally interrupts, “That you should keep it simple. Straighten it, and pull it over your shoulder or leave it down your back. That dress is the centerpiece and you shouldn’t do anything to distract from it. Besides, Tris is gorgeous enough without all that crap.”

The two of them look at Lynn like she’s grown a second head, and I just blush. Lynn isn’t the type of person to just dole out compliments, so it always feels like it means more coming from her.

“I like that idea,” I say, mouthing a " _Thank you,_ " to Lynn who just nods.

I sit on Shauna’s bed while she and Marlene take turns running a straightener through my hair.  
“Do you have enough hair, Tris? Jesus. Who needs arm day when you can just do this,” Shauna says with a smile.  
“Where do you think these bad boys came from?” I flex my arms and we laugh.

 

* * *

 

 

This place is ridiculous.

It’s a hotel, so I get it. It has to be nice and accommodating to Marcus’ tastes, but this place looks more like a castle than a hotel. I take my ticket from the valet and place it safely in my clutch before making my way inside.

Chandeliers. Harps. _Butlers_? Well, they’re probably just waiters hired to cater the party, but I feel like I’m in Wayne Manor and I’m about to discover the Batcave. I follow the parade of fur coats and diamonds and patent leather shoes you could eat off of through the hotel lobby until I see a set of double doors propped open, and Marcus’ empty eyes and wide, fake smile plastered on a large campaign poster. I scrunch my nose, but at least I know I’m in the right spot.

I hand someone my ticket who escorts my to my table. Figures. It’s about as far away as you could get from where Tobias might be. I accept a flute of champagne and start wandering.

When everyone else starts taking their seats, I do the same and watch as Marcus takes the stage. The room cheers and claps, but I sit, waiting patiently for him to get on with his speech. I tune out as much as I can, but I hear the word Tobias and perk up. Marcus motions towards a table and I see him stand, give a polite nod and a wave, and sit back down.

Finally.

When the whole thing is over I stand, making a bee-line towards Tobias. A quick thought about what Marcus might do to him, and the fact that he has to endure another night of this stops me in my tracks. I don’t want him to get hurt because of me. Again.

Instead I turn and creep along the wall, stopping behind a pillar to wait for an opportunity. I smile awkwardly at a man who passes by and gives me an odd look. I'm close enough that I can hear them talking— money, donations, votes, reforms. I chance a look and am relieved to find Marcus is facing away from me. But so is Tobias. Dammit.

It feels like a lifetime passes before I hear Tobias say, “Father, will you excuse me?” I almost jump out of my skin, thankful for the opportunity.  
“Can it wait just one second, son? There is someone I want you to meet, and she’s just making her way over now.”

 _She_?

My mind races through all it's worst ideas. His father hates me. Probably because I can’t do anything _for_ him or further his career in any way. In fact, I’m trying to take away the one thing he can manipulate to his advantage. He'd be delighted if Tobias ended up with someone more like him.

“Tobias, you remember Nita Ramos? Her father is Oscar Ramos.”  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you. You’ll have to forgive me though, I don’t seem to recognize your fathers name, or remember meeting.” I can almost feel the rage Marcus is surely directing at Tobias.  
“Oh, that’s okay. I don’t pay as much attention to what my father does as he likes to pretend I do, too.” She laughs, and I can hear Tobias chuckle. “My dad owns The Foothills Gazette. We were introduced two years ago, but it was very brief.”

“Oh. That’s why. I don’t get the paper.”  
“Well, maybe you should.” I can actually _hear_ the flirt in her tone. _Come on, Tobias. Walk away_.  
“Well, thanks for the suggestion. Maybe I’ll check it out online. Will you please excuse me?”  
“Sure thing. Your father and I have some business to attend to anyways.”

I peer around the other way to try and see which direction Tobias is heading, but I catch a piece of their conversation and decide to listen.

“Seventy-five. Per night.”  
“I don’t know, Marcus. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I've thought about it quite a few times and your son looks like he knows what he’s doing in the sack, but—"  
“Fine. Two hundred and fifty thousand for the weekend.”  
“Make it an even three hundred and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

There’s no way I’m hearing what I think I’m hearing.

“Just like your father, I see. Fine. Just make sure you seal the deal. I don’t want him hanging around that _trash_ anymore. You’re a way more suitable match for him anyways.”  
“Mmm. For that kind of money, I’ll make sure he never thinks about her again.”

_That son of a—_

“Tobias! Please. Miss Ramos needs you to escort her to her room. She’s not feeling too well.”  
“I’m not. It must have been the lobster. And I was having such a wonderful time, too.” I don't even know what she looks like, but I imagine her pouting with the way her voice whined, and immediately want to punch her in the face.  
“I…I’ll see if I can find someone to help us,” Tobias says. He must sense that something is off. _Please_ sense something is off.

“Oh no. I don’t think I can wait.” God, do I want to punch her. I can't take it. I can't sit by and let this happen. I look around the pillar again, this time catching Tobias’ eye.  
“Tris!” he says, dropping Nita’s hand. “What are you doing here?”  
“I came to support your father, of course,” I say, smiling sweetly at Marcus. “It’s what any good girlfriend would do.” I look to Nita now, who has a look of disgust on her face. I don’t really understand it, though. She’s _gorgeous_. Exotic looking. Curves that I certainly don’t have. Rich. She could probably have any man in this room. Why would she be a part of this?

“Can we go somewhere private, Tobias? I have something I need to discuss with you,” I say, looking Marcus dead in the eye. I smile when I see the flash of panic race across them.  
“Yeah. Nita, it was nice seeing you again. I hope you feel better. Father, I’ll be back in a few.”

I take Tobias’ hand and start weaving my way through the ballroom. I want to be as far away as possible from Marcus. And Nita.

“Tris, I can see you’re on a mission, but where are we going? And how did you get in here?” I try a random door but it’s locked, and walk around a corner. Perfect. I open the door to the ladies room, and see only an older woman.  
“Out.” I say. She stares at me like I’ve gone completely insane. I almost feel as if I have. “Now!” She jumps and makes squealing sound before hurrying out the door.

“What has gotten in to you?” Tobias says, smiling. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I like it, but you gotta start talking to me here.”  
“I’ve been here all night—"  
“Tris. I didn't—"  
“It's fine. I was waiting for the right moment anyways because I didn’t want to upset your father. But when you left, I heard his _business_ with Nita. I know it sounds crazy, but I need you to believe me. He was going to pay her to sleep with you. To break us up. She’s wanted you since you met.” He stands still, staring off at nothing in particular. I can see his jaw clenching, and his face begins to redden.

“Tobias, I'm—"  
“How much?”  
“What? I…it’s not important.”  
“Tris," he says through gritted teeth. "How. Much.”  
“Three-hundred thousand.” He stares off again, but I can see him relax a little.

“You know, it’s a shitty thing to think ‘Hey. I didn’t think he cared enough to spend that kind of cash on me’.”  
“Tobias. I’m so sorry.”  
“Don’t be,” he says, looking down at me. “If it wasn’t for you…” He takes me in his arms and kisses me. I run my hands up his back and into his hair, loving the shiver I feel from him.

“You look absolutely stunning,” he says when he pulls away. He holds his hand out and twirls me around once. “Delectable, even.” I bite my lip because I know that comment was anything but innocent.

He pulls me into him again, and just the scent of him, the feel of his hard body underneath all this clothing…it makes it hard to resist him. Then again, what’s stopping me? I thank god for having the sense to go on the pill as I unbutton his jacket and push it off his shoulders, letting it hit the floor in a heap.

“Tris,” he whispers, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.  
“Shh.” I pull him towards me, backing myself into the wall. I take his hands and run them over my breasts, down my sides, down my thighs. He grips the material of the dress tightly, yanking it up, bunching it around my waist. I fumble with his pants while he toys with my thong, cupping my bare cheeks as he lifts me up and turns, setting me on the edge of the counter.

He wiggles his pants down and presses himself up against me. Just the feel of him, hard and wanting, causes a soft moan to escape my mouth. He fumbles for a second between us, and then he’s pulling my thong aside and easing himself inside of me. He kisses my neck and my jaw, whispering the entire time how much he loves me.

“Fuck this,” he says after a few minutes. He lifts me just slightly and yanks my thong down, ripping it in the process. He looks up for a second with sorry eyes, and sets me down gently. I glance down as he pushes himself into me once more, and sigh at the sight, feeling that familiar build up happening already.

He sees me stealing looks, and pulls his shirt up, exposing more of him. He slows down, pulling himself almost all the way out before pressing himself slowly back in. I bite my lip and watch, the anticipation of my orgasm building. I expect him to be looking down, watching himself glistening with my desire, but he's only looking at me. When our eyes meet, I pull him towards me and press my lips to his, his thrusts coming fast and deep now until we are both left shaking and out of breath.

He presses his forehead to mine, panting heavily, and looks up through heavy eyes.  
“I’m done,” he says.  
“Well I know that,” I say, smirking. He lets out a small chuckle and kisses me on the forehead.

“No, Tris. I’m done. _Truly_ done, with all of this. You’re the only thing that’s good in my life. The only thing that’s ever felt right. I love you, and…just…thank you.” He sets me down on the floor and retrieves my ripped undergarments. I smile and give him a kiss on the cheek before running into a stall quickly. He's going to have to pretend —to lie— for just one more night, and then I will help him do whatever it is he needs to do to get away from that monster.

I hear the door open, and assume Tobias has straightened up and headed out. To my surprise I find Nita, staring wide-eyed when I come out. Tobias turns to me and holds a hand out, and I take it. I raise an eyebrow at her, as if to say, _jealous_?

Tobias makes it very known what we've just done. He holds his arm out, and I watch as Nita's eyes trail all the way down to my dangling thong, then snap to mine. He drops them in the trash as we pass it.

“Oh, hey. Thanks for that, Nita,” I say, flashing her a wide smile. “That was just what I needed.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Rihanna - Rock Star 101
> 
> Also, if you haven't checked it out, I highly suggest checking out the story Something New by Inopinion. Now, fair warning, it's very dark, and VERY different than most stories on here. But it is so, SO good, and something to read while we're all waiting for all our other stories to update! She took a small hiatus to get a little help and fix what she had already written, and she's back at it right now, writing us some new stuff. I cannot recommend this story enough. So if you haven't, check it out!


	13. ANNIVERSARY

“I don’t understand the problem,” Christina says through the speaker on my phone.  
“Because I don’t know what day to celebrate!” I say, exasperated. “Our anniversary is coming up, but what exact day is it? The day we met? The day we first kissed? The day we first…”  
“Banged?”  
“ _Decided to be together_ ,” I correct. I hope to god she’s not near her parents or I’m not on speakerphone too. Or if I am that they heard me correct her. “To try and do this long distance thing.” Christina is silent for a minute. I can hear her tapping her finger on something, and I know she’s actually taking this seriously and thinking it through.

“If I had to choose, I would say the day you decided to make this a thing and not a fling.”  
“That’s what I say, but Tobias thinks it should be the very first time we met.”  
“Aww. Ain’t that sweet.”

Truthfully, it’s not _that_ important. But after what I gave him at Christmas, I find myself worrying a little. I don’t know how I’m ever going to top that, as far as gifts go. I mean, I’m sure we’ll do all the usual anniversary date stuff, but I kind of want this to be more. I’ve always felt that our relationship is more than just ‘the usual’.

“How much time difference is there?” Christina asks.  
“Almost two weeks.”  
“Hmm. Why not just have two? A lot of couples celebrate things that were firsts. First kiss. First date. First time they ate sushi together.”  
“Sushi?”  
“Yeah. Sushi. My parents knew this really weird couple… Anyways, I say fuck it. Make in an anniversary month. I mean, damn near everything that means something to you guys happened in August, so why not just do some sort of celebration each weekend?”

Could that work? I mean, we’re on break, so school isn’t an issue. And I’ve pretty much been living with Tobias the whole summer, visiting Christina at her parents instead of the other way around. That just leaves Tobias' job, which I'm sure we can work something out with Tori.

“You know, Chris, sometimes you come up with the best ideas,” I say with a smile.  
“I keep trying to tell you that,” she says.

 

* * *

 

 

“The whole month?” Tobias raises an eyebrow. “Are you crazy?”  
“No. But we can’t agree on a date.” He runs his tongue along a tooth for a moment and looks up, as if deep in thought. He looks like a little kid when he does this, and I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face.

“Okay, but I get to go last.”  
“Last? Why? So you can out-do me?”  
“Oh, I’ll do you,” he says, a smile making it’s way onto his face now. I slug him in the shoulder.

“Be serious for a second,” I say. “Do you like the idea?”  
“I do. But how about this? We decide which ‘anniversary’ is the best, and pick that as our official date?”  
“Deal,” I say.

“He’s gonna win,” Christina says as we walk through the mall. “He probably has enough money to buy you your own island. You can’t top that.”  
“His _dad_ has the money,” I correct, “And I know. He’s such a cheat—"  
“Tris!” Christina interrupts. “You could always just blow… _his_ _mind_ and make him forget all about everything else.” I look up to where she’s stopped and shake my head.  
“Chris, you are nuts.”

 

* * *

 

 

**"HAWAII"**

“Wake up, sleepy,” I say, prodding Tobias in the ribs. He lets out a soft laugh —it’s his only ticklish spot— before easing his eyes open.  
“Time to get started already?” he asks sleepily. “What time is it?”  
“It's time to go on vacation. Put this on.”

Tobias comes out of the shower in his aloha board shorts and nothing else. I eye him up and down as he takes me and his apartment in— the latter now decorated in hibiscus flowers, coconut scented candles, and a tiny ceramic tiki hut filled with piña colada.

“What the hell time did you get up?” he asks. “And why are you wearing a grass skirt?”  
“Because, we’re going to Hawaii!” He raises an eyebrow at me. “Okay, since we didn’t exactly leave me a lot of time to plan this first weekend, we’re going on a stay-cation.”  
“Stay-cation,” he repeats.  
“Well, sort of. I brought Hawaii to us. First up, white chocolate macadamia nut pancakes with whipped cream on top. Sit your happy butt down and prepare to be whisked away.” He smiles at me and obliges, sitting on a barstool so he can watch me in the kitchen. I click on the computer, and the Hawaiian station I found starts to play.

I blush as I mess up and completely burn the first pancake, but the rest turn out quite edible. We feed each other, and laugh and talk about nothing in particular. To be honest, it’s one of the best moments we’ve had since the cruise. I feel like this is our life; just us being us.

After a little relaxation I lead him down stairs —complete with our drinks with little umbrellas in them— and he laughs as he sees the plastic kiddie pool I had filled up in the grass between units.

“You can’t visit Hawaii and not go to the beach,” I say. He hops right in and we lounge in the water for a while, sharing kisses and enjoying our drinks and the warm summer day. Eventually some kids come out, and ask us if we want to have a water fight with them. Tobias gives me that look —the one with the little pout and the puppy dog eyes— and I concede, laughing as he runs around, pelting kids with water balloons and shooting water guns. The thought floats across my mind that he could be doing this with our kids some day, and I don’t shy away from it. Instead I smile.

After he’s sufficiently worn out, I lead him back in and direct him to the couch.

“Choose,” I say, holding my hands behind my back. “Left or right.”  
“Umm, left.” I spin around quickly so he can’t see, and put the DVD in— 50 First Dates.  
“I figured it was as close to Hawaii as we’re gonna get,” I say, smiling.  
“What’s the other one?”  
“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

We snuggle on the couch, stealing kisses and touches. It’s so hard to resist him like this, but I have an evening planned, and I don't want to ruin it. So I make some popcorn and sit back down, sharing that and a bag of mixed nuts —coconut dusted, of course— with Tobias. I also refill our drinks. At the very end of the movie I'm tearing up like I always do when she learns she has a daughter. I can see Tobias looking at me out of the corner of my eye, and give him a small smile.

“It’s just sweet,” I say. “She gets to learn she’s in love and has a family every single day. I mean, it’s crappy forgetting, but it makes me feel like finding this information out and falling in love with the two of them every single day has got to be the best feeling in the world.” He leans in close and kisses me softly on my cheek.  
“I hope I make you fall in love with me every day,” he whispers. I wrap my arms around him tightly, burying my face in his neck.

We're going to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall next, but not before I check on the pork in the crock pot.

“I had to buy this, you know. This is a poor excuse for a kitchen.”  
“And I’m a poor excuse for a cook,” he says. “I promise there will be plenty of breakfast in beds. I just won’t be cooking them.”  
“Then who will?” I say, raising an eyebrow. He just smiles.

We take a nap after the movie ends, and wake up just in time for me to finish dinner— kalua pig and cabbage with sticky rice. I’ve never been crazy about cooking, but this is so good, I might just have to change my mind.

“This was the best trip to Hawaii,” he says afterwards. “Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome,” I say, smiling. “We still have one more stop to make though.” I swear I can see his eyes darken right in front of me.

“Close your eyes,” I say from the bathroom.  
“Why? It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked,” he says from the bed.  
“Tobias!”  
“Okay, okay. They’re closed.”

I come out in my inspiration for this whole anniversary— a cute pair of yellow boyshorts with lace pineapple cut outs all over them. I adjust the pink lei so it strategically covers my bare breasts, ruffle my hair real quick and tell Tobias to open his eyes. His smile lets me know how much he approves of what he sees.

 

* * *

 

 

**"OURS"**

 

“Make sure you wear something comfortable,” Tobias calls out to me from the shower. “Especially the shoes.” I scrunch my eyebrows, trying to figure out what he could possibly have planned as I get dressed.

We have a quick breakfast at a diner —which is surprisingly empty for a Saturday— until I remember it’s not even nine yet. I open my mouth to ask where we’re going, but am interrupted.  
“No questions!” He smiles, a smug look of satisfaction on his face. I just stick my tongue out at him.  
“It’s not fair. I didn’t make _you_ wait this long.”

We pay and leave, pulling up to a strip mall a few blocks away. I raise an eyebrow as we get out of the car, and my heart starts to beat harder as he leads me towards a real estate office.

“I have an appointment with a Maggie Brown,” Tobias says to the woman who greets us.  
“And you are?”  
“Tobias Eaton.”  
“Right this way, Mr. Eaton.” I giggle just a bit. _Mr. Eaton_.

He takes my hand as we are led to an office, and tells me to wait just a minute outside while he talks to her privately. I give him a look, but he smiles and kisses the tip of my nose. I stand outside like feeling like a child.

It was only a couple minutes, but I still level him with another glare as I’m let back in by Ms. Brown. “Just Maggie,” she says as she gestures for me to sit.  
“So. We are looking at houses today.”  
“We are,” Tobias says. My heart is definitely beating harder.  
“We have a busy day planned. I have ten that fit within your criteria, Mr. Eaton—"  
“Tobias.”  
“Tobias. So I hope you two are ready to get going!” She smiles widely, and so does Tobias. He rubs my back when he senses my nerves.

“We don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” he whispers in my ear.  
“No! No. I just, wasn’t expecting…this.”  
I smile as we stand, and follow Maggie to her car.

She talks the whole drive— about school districts. Shopping access. Proximity to colleges and downtown. How long it will take to get to the coast from here. It’s so much information to take in.

“This is all listed here,” she says when we reach the first house. She hands each of us a piece of paper that, sure enough, has everything listed on it, as well as the specs for the house. “And I’ve found that taking notes about the houses you see helps you make a decision, so take these too.” She hands us each a clipboard and a pen.  
“Thorough,” I whisper as we follow her into the first house.

This is only our first stop, and I already feel like this is way out of my league. It’s no mansion, but it’s certainly larger than any house I grew up in. We listen to Maggie tell us about the hard wood floors, original cabinetry, granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, four bedroom, three bath, home theater room, 2,785 square foot with a three car garage and a landscaped backyard home.

“Go on and explore on your own. I’ll wait here for you,” she says with a smile. I shrug at Tobias and take off down the hallway.

“Okay, first, there’s no price listed on this sheet,” I say, flipping it over. “I need to know that before I can help you make a decision.”  
“Why?”  
“I just want to know if you’re getting a good deal or not.”  
“We’re,” he corrects, and I feel the heat creep up my neck. “And don’t worry about that. Every one of these is something that is within the price range I gave her. You just tell me if you like it or not.”  
“Okay,” I say softly. I have a feeling this is why he made me wait outside her office; he wanted to double check there weren’t any prices listed.

We scribble down notes as we make our way through the house. I have to say, it’s remarkable. I peek at Tobias’ clipboard and see _tub big enough for sex_ scribbled down and open my mouth.

“Tobias! What if she asks us to share what we liked about the house?”  
“Then I guess she’ll know, won’t she?”  
“You are horrible.”

We spend the morning driving to various neighborhoods, each house different and beautiful, but still feeling too extravagant. I know Tobias grew up like this though, so I remind myself to take that into consideration. We break for lunch at a small cafe before setting back out.

The next house we head to is a little further away, but it feels like we’ve left the city all together. It’s in a large master planned community, so there are plenty of parks, golf courses, and space to make it feel like we’re living somewhere else.

Outside is a mixture of brick and siding, which is different than all the other stucco homes we’ve seen. It has a large porch, and a driveway that can be accessed from either street, since it’s a corner lot. Tobias must see the look in my eye, because I see his wide smile as he looks at me.

Inside is even better.

It’s an open floorpan, and it’s decorated beautifully. I wonder if we can buy all this furniture with it? We listen as Maggie tell us all about it: three bedrooms and a den, two full baths (with tub big enough for sex) and a half bath, granite countertops and backsplash, hardwood floors, good school district, close to shopping and entertainment, and only twenty minutes added commute time from our starting point: Tobias’ apartment. Which places this house halfway between us. The prospect of him being even closer only adds to my love of this house.

I scribble notes like crazy, and even take a few photos with my phone. It's official; I _love_ this house. So much so, that the rest that we see seem so boring, even the more extravagant ones.

We thank Maggie when she drops us back at the real estate office, and climb in Tobias’ car with all our notes.

“Well?” he asks.  
“Well what?”  
“Do you have a favorite?”  
“Yeah. But it’s up to you. It’s your house.”  
“Our,” he corrects.  
“Our.”

_Our house._

 

* * *

 

 

**"WHAT IF?"**

 

“We can’t forget the bag from last night!” I yell out of Tobias’ bedroom as I fish a tank top out of the closet.  
“You mean the bag of crap?”  
“It’s not crap! And yes, that bag.”

I snag my phone off the dresser and open the app, bringing up directions to our first stop. Tobias jingles the bag of trinkets we bought at the dollar store as I walk out, and I roll my eyes at him.

“You’re gonna love this, and that bag of crap. I’ll take that," I say, snatching the bag from him. "You grab the cooler and put it in the car. Please.” He raises an eyebrow at me before he slips out the front door.

“Turn left here and park,” I say near a wooded area. I smile sweetly as I grab the bag of goodies out of the backseat and hop out of the car.  
“Is this like a Hansel and Gretel thing? Because I don’t want to be eaten by a witch.”  
“Shh. Follow me.” I check my phone and start heading in the direction the arrow is pointing me; it takes close five minutes to reach our destination.

“We’re here,” I say, and Tobias just stares at me. There's just a couple of young saplings, one stump, and a pile of rocks in this little clearing in the woods.  
“Soo…?”  
“So…we have to find the _treasure_.” Tobias’ eyes light up. He looks around, as if there will be a giant X on the ground, and I laugh. “It’s gonna be hidden. Look in the stump. I’ll look by these rocks.” He jogs the few steps to the stump as I bend down and poke through the pile.

“Tris,” he says hesitantly,” There’s a little box in here. What do I do?”  
“Take it out!” I say, running up next to him. He looks at me for a second before reaching in and pulling out a tiny plastic box. I smile and nod at him, and he pops it open.  
“There’s a tiny Spiderman in here.” He pulls it out and looks it over. I hold out the bag of ‘crap’ to him, and see the realization come over his face.

"It's called geocaching" I say as he rifles through the bag. "You find one treasure, and replace it with another." He picks a tiny Etch-a-Sketch to take Spiderman’s place, and smiles as I nod eagerly.  
“Wait! You have to sign the logbook,” I say, taking out the tiny little notebook and pencil that was also in the box. Tobias flips through to the last date, enters our names, and leaves a note about what was taken, and what was left. I log it on the app too, and we place the little box back exactly as we found it.

“Well?” I ask when we get back to the car.  
“This…this is cool.”  
“Wanna pick the next one?” Tobias smiles as he takes my phone.

When it gets close to lunch time, I pick one that happens to be near the hill we went to on our first date. As we get closer, Tobias seems to already know where we’re going to end up, and he smiles the rest of the drive there. We take the cooler out, and hike up to our little spot. It’s just as beautiful during the day.

“What’s for lunch?” he asks suggestively as I sit down on the blanket we spread out.  
“Sandwiches,” I respond, trying to keep the smile off my face. He narrows his eyes at me for a second before snatching one out of the cooler.

We lay back and relax after we eat, talking about nothing important and watching the clouds drift by. Somehow, the topic of Zeke and Shauna and kids comes up.

“I actually really like kids,” he says.  
“I know. I’ve seen how you can't wait to run out and play with them.”  
“Hey! There’s nothing wrong with that.”  
“No. There isn’t. You’re going to be a great uncle.” Tobias’ smile is so wide, I swear it will split his face in two.

Again, I find myself thinking about him being a father. Since we’re already on the subject, I decide to go for it. It’s as good a time as any.

“Do you want kids?” I don’t look at Tobias when I ask, or as I wait for an answer. He is silent for a long time and I can see his chest moving up and down rapidly out of the corner of my eye. I swear it wasn’t doing that a minute ago.  
“Do…do you?”  
“I asked you first.” I look over at him now, and his eyes are shut. _Tight_.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have asked.”  
“No. Don’t be.” He opens his eyes and rolls towards me. “I’ve honestly never put much thought into it. I mean, my first instinct is to say no. I don’t ever want to risk turning into…putting my own children…” He doesn’t finish his thought. He doesn’t need to.

“Tobias, you won’t—"  
“I know. I know, Tris. I’m not him. I won’t do those things. It doesn’t mean that I don’t fear it, though. We both know he wasn’t always like this. Something changed in him and what if… _what if it changes in me_?”  
“It won’t,” I say, placing a light kiss on his nose. “It can’t. You won't allow it.”

I reach out and pull him into me, kissing him lightly on the lips. He still feels tense, so I talk.

“I’ve thought about it. Mostly when I see you.” I look up into his eyes now, demanding his attention. I need to let him know what it is that I see. I need him to see it too. “When you played with those kids at the apartment on our stay-cation, I wondered…if that’s what it would be like when you played with your kids.” My throat suddenly feels dry and I lick my lips, stalling for what I really meant to say. “Our kids.”  
“Our.” He leans forward, resting his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. “Our,” he repeats.

It seems like that word is coming up a lot lately.

We find the geocache near our little hill, and head out to one more after that. Neither one of us is as enthused as we were before though, so we agree to head back home. Tobias is silent the whole drive.

I make a nice dinner again and we eat in silence. It’s not like we _need_ to talk, but the air just feels…heavy. We probably should talk. Tobias offers to clean up and tells me to wait on the couch. He comes out when he’s done and stands in front of me. I look up at him, unable to read his face. I’m just about to ask him why he’s just standing there, when he gets down on his knees in front of me. My heart thumps for a second, but he just takes my face in his hands; being down on his knees like this puts us at eye level.

“Tris.” His eyes flick back and forth between mine, and my heart starts up again. I watch his mouth open and close, trying to find the right words. “Ours,” he finally says. I try to smile but he kisses me so hard, it quite literally takes my breath away.

He moves down my neck, my chest, my stomach. I’m still trying to catch my breath —and failing— as he unbuttons my shorts, and easily slips them off. He kisses up my thigh as I close my eyes, and if I wasn’t on birth control, I would swear he wants to get started on _ours_ right now.

 

* * *

 

 

**"HOME"**

 

We get in the car early and head north. It isn’t long until I figure out where we’re headed, and look over at Tobias.

“You just _had_ to out-do me by taking us on a real vacation,” I say, smiling. He squeezes my thigh, smiling too. We find decent parking near Pier 39 in San Francisco, and Tobias holds my hand as we head towards the crowd of tourists.

The first shop I see has barrels upon barrels of salt water taffy in the window. I immediately drag Tobias into the shop to make our own personal bags. Afterwards, we stroll along, snacking on the candy and just taking in the sights. I convince him to ride the carousel with me, and he convinces me to try a bowl of clam chowder for him. It’s definitely not for me.

We watch the sea lions for a while, and make our way into the Aquarium. Fitting for our anniversary.

After a wonderful afternoon, we have dinner at a waterfront bar and grill, and everything is just…perfect. I don’t think I could have asked for a better anniversary month.

Afterwards we just stand together, looking out on the ocean, waiting for the sun to dip down into the water. I close my eyes as the breeze picks up and throw my arms out to the side, enjoying the way it whips all around me. A warm pair of arms wraps around me, and I settle back into Tobias.

“Hey,” he whispers in my ear, and I open my eyes to see his hand in front of me, a small box in it. I look over my shoulder to a smiling Tobias.  
“We said no presents,” I say. “I’m not taking whatever that is.”  
“Yes you are.”  
“Nope.”  
“Tris,” he says sternly, the smile gone. “Open. It.” I narrow my eyes at him and snatch the box out of his hand. It’s flat and rectangular. Just the right size for…  
“A key?” I say when I open it. I look at it, and this one is cut. I look up to see that shit-eating grin on his face and I cock my head to the side.

“Do I have to guess?”  
“Yes.”  
“Okay. You bought a house,” I say. Tobias doesn’t say anything, and I search his face for any hint that I’m wrong.

“Wait. Tobias, did you?”  
“I might have.”  
“Oh my god! I’m so happy for you!” I wrap my arms around him and squeeze as tight as I can. “Which one?”

“Do you really have to ask?” I feel myself blush. I also feel that familiar pricking in my eyes.  
“Oh, Tobias. You’ll be closer now.”  
“I will.” A small smile forms on his face, but leaves just as quickly as he looks out over the ocean. I wait a beat, and we both stare off as the last bit of the sun disappears beneath the horizon.

“What is it?” I finally ask.  
“It’s just a little scary,” he says with a sigh. “Doing all of this. Alone.”  
“You’re not alone,” I say, placing my hands on his chest. “I’m here.”  
“I know you are. But that’s not what I meant.” _Oh._

“Hey. I’m proud of you,” I whisper. “I mean it. It will be easy. You’ll see.” I smile again and feel one of the tears I've been fighting squeeze out.  
“I know.” He brings a hand up and rubs his thumb over my cheek, wiping it away.  
“And don’t worry about everything else. It will all fall into place.” I look up at him as he smiles, nodding his head a little.

“Okay, okay. Enough of that,” I say, wiping my eyes. “You win for best anniversary.” He smiles even wider and I lean up to kiss him. I look in his eyes when we pull away, and the way he looks at me, gives me the most amazing feeling in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Phillip Phillips - Home
> 
> 1 Year


	14. TRUST

Today has just been one of those days.

First, my alarm didn’t go off even though it was set, so I was late to class. Then, in my rush to make it there, I ran into some poor girl and her coffee, which somehow spilled all over me and completely avoided her. On top of that, after an excruciatingly boring class where I felt like I was somehow lost of every single topic, I ran smack into Al. I apologized profusely, and even though we haven’t spoken in close to a year and have only seen each other around campus maybe three times, he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to go and get a coffee.

“No I don’t want to get a coffee with you!” I spat at him.  
“But you look like you’re having a bad day.”  
“I am.” I walked away before he could say anything else. It was the last thing I needed to deal with today.

_At least it’s Friday_ , I think as I fumble with the lock on our door. I wish it was to Tobias’ house. _Our_ house. I decided that I would stay in the dorms with Chris for at least this semester. By then I should have enough money saved up to get a car of my own. The monthly stipend I get from my parents insurance isn't a lot, but if I'm careful, I can save.

Tobias tried to do his best to convince me that we could make it work with just his car, but I politely reminded him that it was already paid for, so I might as well use it and save the both of us the inconvenience.

My key sticks for a second, and when I finally get the door open, I step on a note that was slipped into the room. I pick it up after throwing my stuff on my bed and see its for me. I have a delivery waiting with the RA.

I knock on her door, not really knowing what to expect. Maybe it’s something from Caleb? Instead I am greeted with a big grin and a rather large bouquet of roses.

“Either you have one hell of a guy or he really fucked up and he’s kissing your ass. _Hard_ ,” she adds with a wink.  
“Uhh, thanks?” I say, not really knowing how to take that comment.

I smell them as I walk back to my room, and place the vase on the little table that holds my laptop. I smile one last time as I look at them, and take a long, hot, much needed shower.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hi.”  
“God, am I glad to see your face,” I say as soon as I see Tobias. A wide grin nearly splits it in two. “And I’m sorry you had to work late.”  
“Me too. But last minute changes and deadlines and shit. Anyways. How was your day?”  
“Literally the worst. But it got better when I got home. Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome?” His eyebrows knit together in confusion. “You just got home?”  
“No. I got home at four.” Now my eyebrows scrunch together.

“Why do I feel like we’re not on the same page,” Tobias says as there’s a knock on his door. “Hang on.” He moves out of frame and I hear Tori. She and Tobias talk about a couple of things before he comes back, Tori in tow. She waves from behind him, and I wave back.

“Sorry. I gotta get going. I’d offer to call you after, but I probably won’t be home until…I can’t even begin to guess.”  
"Sorry, Tris," Tori says, a little pout on her face.  
“It’s okay guys. Don’t worry about it. And don’t stress about work. Just call me tomorrow when you get a chance.”  
“Okay. I love you.”  
“Love you too. Oh wait!” I try to get out, but it’s too late. Tobias has already clicked off.

I grab my phone and take a picture of the flowers. _Thank you._ I send along with it. It doesn’t even take five seconds to get a response.

_\- For?_

_\- The flowers you dork._

My phone rings within seconds of the text being read.

“I tried to thank you before you hung up.”  
“Tris,” he says, “I didn’t send you those.”  
“What?” My heart races as I stare at the flowers. If Tobias didn’t, then who did?

“Is there something you need to tell me, Tris?” I know that tone of voice.  
“What? No! Tobias, I honestly thought they were from you. I…I have no ide—" I trail off as a thought crosses my mind.

“Who was it?” he says quietly. I can hear him breathing hard, and the typing I heard before has completely stopped.  
“Al. Maybe. I ran into him today. Like, full on into him. I was running late, and some girl had already spilled her coffee on me, and it was just a bad morning, and after class I was still frazzled and wasn’t paying attention and I just smacked right into him. He tried to ask me out for coffee. I said no,” I add as an afterthought.

“You don’t need to tell me that,” he says quietly. “I believe you.”  
“I…thank you.”  
“You’re welcome. But please, be careful. And let me know as soon as something happens again.”  
“ _If_ ,” I say. “It could have been a weird fluke or something.”  
“Tris, you’re pretty sure he sent you flowers.”  
“Yeah,” I whisper.

“I have to go,” he says again.  
“Okay.”

I settle into bed with some homework and my notes from the day, but I can’t concentrate on anything but Al. Why on _Earth_ would he send me flowers? I search the flowers again for a card, but there isn’t one. I sigh, peeved that this is happening, and grab my phone. I need answers. I don’t know why, but I never deleted Al's number.

_\- I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me. Did you send me flowers?_

I wait patiently for his reply, not knowing which answer is worse.

_\- Who is this?_

_\- It’s Tris._

_\- Oh. Hey Tris. No. Why?_

_\- No reason. But you’re sure? Because if I find out you’re lying, I’m going to be even more upset._

_\- No Tris. I swear._

I don’t have a reason to not believe him. He didn’t even keep my number. I sigh and toss my phone aside, flopping down on my back. I can’t figure this out. If Tobias didn’t send them, and Al didn’t send them, then who did? Could they have possibly not been for me? I fish the note out of my pants pocket again, and see that it is in fact my name on it.

My heart races as another idea runs through my mind. I shudder as his name leaves my lips.

_"Eric_."

A couple months after school started back up, Uriah and I were walking to meet Marlene. Eric saw me and gave me a smile that made my skin crawl before his face dropped. He looked panicked and took off, and I haven’t seen him since. And neither has Christina. Or Will, or Shauna or anyone else. That seems even less logical than Al.

I try to keep my nose in my schoolwork, distracted, until Christina comes home from work.

“Oooh. Flowers,” she says as she drops down on her bed.  
“Don’t oooh just yet. I don’t know who they’re from.”  
“A secret admirer? Even better,” she says, smiling.  
“Be serious for second, Chris. They’re not from Four. I asked Al, and he swears they’re not from him. What do you think about the possibility of them being from Eric?”  
“Fucking slim.” She throws her head back in a laugh, and I’m sure I have a look of total confusion on my face.

“There’s no way he’s that stupid. Not after what happened with Four.”  
“What happened with Four?” I ask, feeling dumb that I have to find out about my own boyfriend’s shenanigans this way.

“Well, you know what he did on the ship. But afterwards, he saw him on campus that first time he came to visit you.”  
“No. I didn’t know that.”  
“I think he might have…reiterated his point a little, because he made sure that Will and Uriah and Zeke knew to look after you. It’s actually kinda sweet, Tris, so don’t be upset.”  
“I’m not.”

I just wonder why he never told me himself. But I guess I have Tobias and Uriah to thank for not having to see Eric around. _Good_. Maybe he went back to Chicago. So really, that just leaves Al. Who lied to me. I sigh.

“Don’t stress. It’s not like Al’s gonna do anything,” Chris says, sensing my thoughts. “It was just one harmless bouquet. Now if he does it again, well, he’s gonna have to deal with me. And if it’s a secret admirer, they’re gonna have to deal with me, too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Rockwell - Somebody's Watching Me


	15. BABY

Christina and I grab our gifts for Shauna and climb into her new car, picking Marlene up on the way. It’s a short drive to Shauna’s parents, and today they’re throwing her a baby shower. She’s still got a month to go, and watching her waddle around —while totally adorable— puts me in no rush to have kids of my own.

Zeke is out with Tobias, Uriah and Will, having a ‘guys bachelor shower’ according to Zeke. Basically, they’re going out and doing stupid stuff with Zeke one last time as a non-father. It’s kinda cute, actually. I believe they said something about going to Gameworks and having drinks and greasy ass food at a bar. Whatever. It’s ‘guy stuff' as they put it, and I'm glad they'll be having fun.

We are introduced to all of Shauna’s family when we get there, and I’m happy to see Lynn came in from Arizona. She and Marlene share an awkward smile, and I wonder if something happened or if some feelings were shared before she left.

We make small talk with some of the family members but mostly keep close to one another while we wait for the shower to start. We’re each handed a clothes pin and told if we cross our legs we lose the pin, and if we catch someone with their legs crossed, we get all their pins. Whoever has the most pins at the end, wins. Christina and I raise an eyebrow at one another, and Marlene whispers “Oh no.” Game on.

We taste test baby food first when everything gets underway —some of it is _awful_ — and try to guess which flavor it is. We also smell diapers full of ‘baby poop’ and try to guess what melted candy bar it is. So far, neither of us has won a game, or snagged anyone crossing their legs.

Next, we each take some toilet paper and try to guess how big Shauna’s belly is. She stares on, a look or horror on her face, as we pull— and pull, and pull on the roll to make a long enough piece. Lynn makes hers purposely longer than anyone else’s; it goes around Shauna twice, earning her a hard smack on the arm.

“Legs!” I hear Christina yell, and turn to see her pointing to a woman who has her legs crossed. _Damn_. The woman hands over her pin, and Christina proudly pins it on her shirt, sticking her tongue out at me.  
“Hey!” I yell, nudging her with my shoulder.

Christina and I each catch two people crossing their legs while we break for a light lunch, but she’s still one ahead of me. After we socialize for a bit, we gather around to watch Shauna open her gifts. Tobias and I went in together and bought the stroller/car seat combo they registered for. We had a hell of a time getting it in Christina's car —and back out while keeping the wrapping paper intact— but Shauna just smiles as she tears into the paper, already knowing what it is. What else could be in this big of a box?

“Thank you, Tris. Tell Four thank you too.”  
“I will. And you’re welcome.”

“So, when are we all gonna be able to call him by his real name,” Christina whispers as we watch. I look over at her, unsure if she’s being serious or not.  
“I don’t know. I mentioned it once, but that was when we first got together.” The truth is, I’ve been wondering this myself. I know change is hard and being linked to Marcus is even harder, but he’s got to do it at some point. These are his best friends. _All_ of them deserve know.

Afterwards, we mill around and receive our prizes for playing the games. After all of that, I managed to guess the closest to how many pacifiers were in a jar, and Christina won the pin game. We each pick a plainly wrapped box, and open them to reveal our prizes. Christina got an eyeshadow trio and a gift card to Sephora, and I got hot pink lip gloss and the same gift card. Perfect.

“Damn,” Christina says. “These are some fab gifts! Thanks, Shauna!”  
“Thank my mom!” she calls back as she tries to thank everyone and be social. Truth is, she looks like all she wants a nap. I don’t blame her.  
“Come on,” I say. “Shauna looks exhausted. Let’s try to get her out of here.”

We squeeze our way in and each lock an arm while slowly walking Shauna away from her relatives.  
“Thank you,” she whispers.  
“Let’s get you to a room. We can help your mom clean up while you lay down for a few,” Christina says.  
“Okay. This room should be goo—" She stops dead in her tracks, and I look up to see a very flushed looking Marlene and an equally embarrassed Lynn.

“Okaay. New room!” Christina shouts while pulling the door closed. Shauna just stares at the closed door, her mouth open. Christina looks at me, and I give Shauna a nudge, breaking her out of her stare.  
“Were they…?” Shauna asks.  
“Doesn’t matter. It’s not our business,” Christina says. “Let’s go.”

“Okay, but were they kissing though?” Christina says after we get Shauna situated.  
“I don’t know. But it _is_ none of our business. If they want to talk about it, they will.”

We spend some time helping Shauna’s mom pick up, Lynn and Marlene joining us after a few moments. They keep their distance from each other, and their heads down and mouths shut. With nothing left to do, we decide to go. We thank Shauna’s mom again, say goodbye to an indifferent Lynn, and head home.

I can tell it’s killing Christina to not say anything, and I keep shooting her looks to keep quiet.  
“Fuck it,” she eventually says. “What the hell was that, Mar?”  
“What?”  
“You know what. Just tell us.” Marlene is quiet for a while before she finally lets out a loud sigh.

“I’m…before Uriah, Lynn and I…” I look in the mirror on the visor and see her blushing.  
“Mar,” I say, “It’s really okay. I don’t care. Do you?”  
“No,” Christina says.

“We had…hooked up a couple of times. Okay, a _lot_ of times. But then I met Uriah, and Lynn and I weren’t like, dating exclusively or anything, so I started seeing him. She was cool with it at first. But then as time went on, well, you know how Lynn is. She just became even more moody. Anyways, she was telling me that she sort of decided to move because it was hard for her to see me with him, you know, happy. And then she kissed me. Asked me to tell her that I didn’t feel anything for her.”

“Do you?” Christina asks.  
“Of _course_ I do. I mean, I’ll always have some sort of feelings for her. Lynn is important to me. She was my first…she made me not afraid to be who I am. I mean, sometimes it's hard to just say it out loud, you know, because you never know how other people are going to react."  
"Say it," Christina says. "Scream it. You're bi-sexual, and you're proud!"  
"I'm bi-sexual and I'm proud!" she yells from the back seat. Christina lets out a loud whoop while we laugh.

"Thank you," Marlene says, blushing again. I turn around to tell her that I'm proud of her too, but the smile fades too fast from her face, and I know there's something else she wants to say. Our eyes meet for a second.

"What Lynn doesn’t understand," she says, "Is that my feelings for Uriah are _more_. I…I love him. I think I might be _in_ love with him.”  
“Oh, Mar,” I say. I reach my hand out and she takes it, squeezing it hard. “I think you're underestimating her. She will understand.”  
“Yeah. But you need to tell Uriah," Christina adds. "I don’t think he’s gonna be upset or anything, just don’t keep it from him.”  
“I know.”

Every time I would catch Lynn starting at Marlene, I had always assumed it was just the way that _she_ felt. I had no idea that those feelings were ever reciprocated. I understand Lynn’s side, and can’t help but feel a little sorry for her. If anything were to happen to Tobias and I, I don’t think I could ever fully stop loving him. I don’t know that I could hang around him while he dated someone else, either. Lynn is a better person that I ever gave her credit for.

Love is crazy.

 

* * *

 

 

I’m snuggled around Tobias, pulled from a deep sleep when I hear both his phone, and mine, ring.  
“What the hell time is it?” he asks groggily as he squints at the clock. “Shit. It’s two in the morning and both our phones are ringing. That can’t be good.” I flip over quickly and check the clock for myself.

We walk into the kitchen and grab our phones.  
“It was Zeke,” he says, putting the phone to his ear.  
“Shauna,” I say pointing to mine, and smile. He looks at me, eyes wide. “Baby?”  
“Baby.”  
“It’s about time! She was almost a week past her due date and ready to remove the baby herself.”

We pick up a tiny bouquet of pink balloons before we head to the hospital. Zeke had told us to just wait until the baby was here, since we’d all have to hang around the waiting room anyways. He texted us a photo of a very tiny baby just before dinner, and told us to get our asses over there before visiting hours were over.

“I’m so excited!” I say as we head to the hospital. “Our very own baby.”  
“Yeah, well, it’s not ours,” Tobias says. He’s seemed a little off ever since the phone call this morning. Nerves maybe. Things are gonna change now, no matter what. Zeke isn’t just going to be a best friend, he’s going to be a dad too. I reach over and place my hand on his thigh, and give it a squeeze.  
“Don’t be nervous.” He gives me a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

Uriah and Marlene are already here, and Uriah can’t stop gushing.

“I’m an uncle!” he says as he wraps his arms around me. “I am gonna be the best damn uncle who ever uncled. We're gonna have so much fun. Just call me funcle! Here, have one.” He shoves a pink bubble gum cigar into my hand and I laugh at his excitement.  
“Thanks,” I say, making my way over to Marlene.

“He hasn’t shut up about it since two this morning,” she says, cracking a smile. “It’s sort of cute. What’s with Four?” I look over to see him talking to Uriah, but he’s wringing his hands, and he keeps looking everywhere _but_ Uriah.  
“I don’t know.”

I walk over and place a hand on his back, rubbing gently. He closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.  
“Sorry,” he says. “It’s just…”  
“It’s okay,” I say. “Just relax.” He gives me a small smile and kisses me on the forehead.

“Uncle Four!” I hear Zeke say from behind us, and I turn around. “And Auntie Tris! Care you meet your niece?”  
“I would love to,” I say. There's no way I can fight the smile that's plastered on my face.  
“Okay. Nurses say I can only take one at a time, though.”  
“Go,” Tobias says, motioning to the door Zeke just came through.

I walk in with the balloons, and set them down in the corner of the room quietly. Shauna looks like she’s sleeping, the baby on her chest.

“Hey,” she says quietly, cracking an eye.  
“Hi. How are you feeling?”  
“Great, actually. Tired, but great. Want to hold her?”  
“Oh. I don’t want to wake her.”  
“Don’t worry about it,” she says, picking the baby up. I take her carefully, and snuggle her up in my arms as I sit in the chair next to the bed.

“What’s her name?” I ask.  
“You didn’t even tell her?” Shauna asks Zeke.  
“What? Sorry. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”  
“Tris, this is Annaleigh Pedrad,” Shauna says. “Anna for short.”

“Hi Anna,” I whisper. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’ve known your mommy and your daddy for a while now, and they’re gonna love you to pieces.” I nuzzle her tiny nose with mine, and swear I feel my heart melt when she makes a cooing noise. I stare on in wonder of this tiny little human, so innocent and beautiful. She has no idea what family she’s been born into, nor how much love she’s going to receive from all of us. I can’t help but tear up.

“It’s a good look,” Zeke says with a smile. “You and that baby.”  
“Thanks,” I say, smiling. “That’s still a ways off though.”  
“Ha! Yeah. Tell that to my uterus,” Shauna says, and Zeke lets out a loud laugh, startling the baby.

“Oh no! No, no, no Anna. Don’t cry.” I stand up and bounce around, rocking and trying to calm her. I shoot Zeke a look as Shauna holds her hands out, and I reluctantly give up the baby.  
“Come on. Let’s go see who else is here,” Zeke says as he slides his arm around me.

As we're coming out of the double doors into the waiting room, I can see there’s a commotion by the elevators. I also see Christina who is waving me over like a mad woman.

“It’s Four,” she says. I have no idea what the hell is going on, so I shove my way through the small crowd that’s gathered. My mouth nearly hits the floor when I see that Tobias has Al pinned up against the wall, his forearm crushing his neck.

“Four!” I shout, trying to get his attention. Al sees me now, and motions for me to do something. His face is getting redder by the second. “Four!” I shout again, but still nothing. “ _Tobias_!” I scream with everything I have this time, and I see him loosen his hold, Al taking in a much needed breath.

“What the hell is going on?” I ask. I hear jingling and heavy boots behind us, signaling that security has showed up. I turn around and hold my hands up, begging for a minute.

“Tell me. _Now_ ,” I bark out.  
“What do you think, Tris? He’s here! Why don’t _you_ tell _me_ why he’s here!”  
“I’m not here for her. I told you that,” Al says, his voice a little strained from the pressure it was under.  
“Right. First the flowers, now more flowers and a pink balloon for a baby you don’t even know.” Al's eyes shift to me and back away so fast, it's a dead giveaway. I knew it.

I look over at the guards to start pleading, but their attention is elsewhere. I follow their eyes up, and shake my head.  
“Four,” I say, “Did you even _look_ at the balloon? Or _ask_ Al what he’s doing here?” Tobias’ eyes flit up, and I see him pale instantly. He lets go of Al completely now.

“My little sister broke her leg this morning at soccer practice. I was bringing her flowers and a get well balloon, but I got off on the wrong floor” Al says. “Honestly, I had no idea you were here.”  
“It’s fine, Al,” I say. “Four, let’s go.”

“Actually,” one of the guards interrupts. “He has to come with us.”  
“Oh. It’s fine. It was just a misunderstanding. I’m not going to press charges or anything,” Al says.  
“That’s nice of you, but he still has to come with us. The police have already been called. This is a zero tolerance hospital. Come on.” He motions to Tobias, who is standing still, looking at me.

“Go,” I say, nodding to the guards.  
“Tris,” he says quietly.  
“No. I don't want to hear it. Go.” His eyes are locked onto mine. I can tell he's sorry, but I'm not going to forgive him this easily. He would have _killed_ Al over nothing.  
“Hey, man. No worries. We’ll get you out of there ASAP,” Zeke says, motioning for Tobias to go. Everyone sort of stands still until I look away. Tobias finally moves, walking towards the guards, who place him in handcuffs. We watch until he is escorted into the stairwell.

“I’m sorry, Tris,” Al says.  
“What did I tell you?" I say, turning to face him."Didn't I tell you it was going to be worse if you lied to me? I cannot believe you, Al." His eyes flit to the people gathered around before taking a step forward.

"Tris—"  
"Jesus, Al! Just go!” He nods and hurries to the elevator, pushing the number for one floor higher. The other visitors go back to what they were doing before, leaving us standing around in a group, everyone looking at me awkwardly.

“So… Tobias, eh?”  
“Jesus, Christina. Not now,” I say, pushing my way through them to head towards the stairwell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - FUN Carry On
> 
> One year, 3 months
> 
> Have you guys seen the World Premiere pictures yet?! Oh my GOD Shailene's dress is to die for. They are so beautiful I can't even.


	16. FIGHT

**Tobias**

I sit in the back of the police car, staring out the window. I saw Al, and just saw… _red_. I even looked at that balloon, and I _swear_ I saw ‘It’s a Girl’ written on it, and I…I lost it. It said ‘Get Well Soon’. How did I fuck up so bad?

I close my eyes and lean my head against the cool window as we drive away, trying to get the look on Tris’ face out of my mind. She looked so…disappointed in me. She doesn’t understand though. I was _protecting_ her. I didn't spend a week combing through the University's website and Facebook looking for tutors until I found him for fun. I needed to memorize every last feature about him in case he ever came around her again. Ever since she got those damn flowers, he's all I’ve been able to think about. Him taking advantage of her trust. Him kissing her. Him _stalking_ her. What a fucking asshole.

This is all his fault.

If he would have just kept his meaty fucking claws to himself.

We arrive at the station, and I’m half let out of the handcuffs, only to be the cuffed to a table instead. I give my information to the officer, then go to a different room for fingerprints and a mug shot. Jesus. I had always hoped if I got arrested that it would have been for something big, like killing Marcus. Not this petty shit. I’m led back to the same room to give my statement of what happened. I let the officer know who Al is and why I reacted the way I did, hoping that he will at least see it from my point of view. The officer is older, and it's my only shot at a reprieve. He comes from that chivalrous era where guys beat on each other all the time to win a girl over.

He gives me a small smile and says, “Look. I know you think you were doing the noble, heroic thing here, but there are rules set in place for a reason. You can’t just go putting your hands on someone like that. I'm sorry, son.” He claps me hard on the shoulder before undoing my cuff and leading me back into a holding cell. I sit for what feels like hours, until someone else comes to get me.

“You can make a phone call if you like. Let someone know to come and pick you up tomorrow morning. Should be able to let you out by ten or eleven.”  
“That’s it? I can just go home?” I ask.  
“Well, no. You’re being charged with disorderly conduct. There will be a fine, but no jail time since it’s your first offense. You may even be ordered to attend some counseling classes as part of your probation. You'll receive all the information and paperwork before you're released.”  
“Probation?”  
“Yeah. Probably six months worth. Maybe less. Just keep yourself in check, and you’ll be fine, Mr. Eaton.”

The way he said Eaton rubs me the wrong way. I look over at him, hoping to see a sympathetic face, but I’m met with a hard one and an eye roll. Great. I’m just another rich kid with a daddy who can buy his way out of anything. I sigh.

“Did you call him?”  
“No we don't do that. It’s up to you who you call.”  
“Thanks.” I guess there's something to be said for that.

I pick up the receiver when I'm led to a phone, and stare at it. I don’t know who to call.

I can’t call Tris. She’s too upset and might not answer. I'm not sure I could talk to her now anyways. Zeke and Uriah are out of the picture, since they’ve been with Shauna and the baby all day. Will or Christina might do it, but they might not. Christina is Tris’ friend, after all, and I’m not that close with Will. That leaves me with just one choice. I dial the number slowly, not wanting to hear it from the other end.

“Hey, it’s me. Yeah, I'm fine. I’m in jail and I need you come get me in the morning.”

 

* * *

 

I’m released with a fine of five-hundred dollars, a court date, and the possibility of a criminal record. When the officer opens the door to release me, I’m met with a hard stare.

“Just what the _hell_ were you thinking?”  
“I wasn’t,” I say quietly.  
“Well that much is obvious. Jesus, Tobias. What are you gonna do if Marcus finds out?”  
“He won’t.” I look Tori in the eye, and see her face soften.

“It’s already started. You know I moved out. He hasn’t said one word.”  
“And? That means nothing, Tobias. Do you still have the cards he gave you? Are you still accepting his money?”  
“Yes,” I say quietly. “But—"  
“But nothing. This is no half in-half out scenario. You either commit, or give up the charade.” She turns and walks away and I follow, somehow feeling even shittier than I did a few minutes ago.

We pull up to the house, and I wonder if Tris is here. They let me give her my car keys before they took me away, so I know she had to at least drop off my car, if nothing else. I thank Tori again, and get out of the car, taking a deep breath before I walk up. The door is unlocked which must mean she’s here. My heart hammers in my chest as I close it slowly and see her sitting on the couch, a cup of tea in hand.

“Hi,” I say. I'm not sure if she heard me. I barely heard myself.  
“Hey,” she says. She doesn’t look away from whatever it is she’s staring at.  
“I’m out,” I say like an idiot.  
“Clearly.”

This is not going as well as I hoped it would.

“Listen, Tris—"  
“No, Tobias, you listen to me,” she interrupts. “I have no idea what the hell is with you lately. You are you — loving and caring one minute, and the next, you’re skulking around, all moody and broody like an angsty teenager. What is going _on_ in that head of yours? Because if this is going to work out, you have _got_ to be willing to talk to me.”  
“I know. And just let me apologize—"  
“No! This isn’t about apologies,” she huffs quickly, and I don’t dare speak. I’ve fucked up enough as it is.

“Tobias, it’s almost like you’ve lost yourself. Does that make sense?” I nod, even though it doesn’t. “I’ve never, ever met another person like you. You’re just… _amazing_. So much so, that I don’t think you have the first clue what other people think of you. Our friends? They _love_ you. _I_ am head over heels in love with you. But lately…lately you’re just…I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s like you’re living in the past. I mean, I brought up letting me call you Tobias in front of everyone, and you looked like you were going to have a heart attack. _Months_ ago you told me you were done with your dad, and yet, nothing. I just…I don’t understand. Please help me understand.”

The truth is, I don’t know what to say. Maybe she's right. I don’t know why I can’t let go.

“I…can’t.”  
“You can’t. Tobias…” she lets out a loud breath and runs a hand through her hair. I can see that she’s fighting off tears, and it stabs me right in the heart. Those tears are because of _me_.  
“I’m sorry.” It’s all I can say. I don't know how to make this right. I don't know how to answer her questions. I don't know how to do this.

“Tobias,” she says, her voice wavering. I close my eyes, because I know what's coming. It was only a matter of time. “I’m sorry isn’t going to fix this. Maybe…maybe we just need to take some time. I can’t have you act like this because someone sent me _flowers_. _I_ didn’t do anything wrong. I can’t risk letting this relationship turn into…” she trails off, bringing a hand up to wipe her eye.  
“Eric,” I say, finishing her sentence. She nods, biting her lip.

God, have I fucked everything up.

She thinks I’m like him. I’ve _given_ her a reason to think I’m like him. A controlling fucking asshole. One who will eventually put his hands on her in a way that makes me sick. I sit down in the chair across from her, because standing has suddenly become too difficult. I see her pull her phone out and text someone. To come get her, I’m sure. It hits me so hard now, I feel a pain in my chest. She’s leaving me.

_She’s leaving me._

I stare at the coffee table between us, and like I always do, I think of every fucked up thing I’ve ever done to deserve this. Every last shred of anything that could have possibly led to this moment, until her words find their way in through the mess of mistakes and memories. _It’s almost like you’ve lost yourself._

Have I? How can I find my way back?

“Counseling,” I say quietly. I clear my throat when she doesn’t say anything. “I’m on probation, and I think I have to go to counseling as a part of it.”  
“That’s good,” she says quietly. I drag my eyes up to meet a pair of gray ones — ones that are filled with so much sadness. I _hate_ seeing her like this.

We sit in silence, taking turns staring at each other and the room. This is my fault. All of it. I should have just trusted her. I should have never burned his face into my memory, dwelling on it, letting my insecurities run wild. She wipes a tear from her face, and I don’t ever want to see her hurt like this again, especially because of me. If that means letting go, saving her from all the heartache I caused her, then that’s what I’ll do.

“Christina’s here." She stands, and I watch as she fumbles around for a minute in her purse. Even when she’s doing something as mundane as looking for my car keys, she’s beyond beautiful. I really am lucky to have her in my life.

Was.

Was lucky.

“Here,” she says, walking over to me. She clasps both her hands around mine, and I close my eyes. God, if she only knew what just her touch did to me.

“Tobias?” I open my eyes and look up at her. She squeezes my hand, and I give her a small nod. “Call me?” I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. She gives me a small, sad smile, and I return it. My hand drops in my lap when she lets it go, feeling foreign to me without her touch.

I’m rooted to the spot as I watch her walk away from me. She doesn’t turn around to give me one last look like they do in the movies. I’m glad — I think it would break me to see that last look of hope in her eyes. I hear the door shut, and my chest tightens.

"I'm sorry,” I whisper. I don't know what else to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs: Day is Gone - Noah Gunderson and The Forest Rangers (- If you really want to rip your heart out)  
> Kodaline - All I Want


	17. ALONE

**Tobias**

 

This sucks.

I’m not some rage-addled convict. I’m not like these other people who have beat their significant others — who have hurt them in ways that they can never come back from. I haven’t beaten anyone within an inch of their life.

I am not my father.

But it’s possible I’m not that far away, either.

My mother's journal burns fresh in my memory as I look around at the others in my class. They could be like him, or they could be like me. Is there really much of a difference? I'm not so sure anymore.

The counselor, I assume, enters. She’s an older woman, professional. Strikingly handsome even. When she turns to face me though, I can see why she is here, why she chose to do this for the rest of her life. A large scar runs the length of her face, deadening the eye. She pulls her hair forward, covering it slightly before skimming the room. Her eye lands back on me for a second, and I smile, receiving a nod in return.

“Good afternoon,” she says as she sits down. “I see we have a new face among us. I am Johanna Reyes, and I am in charge of this particular class. You were ordered here by a judge and I expect you to participate to my satisfaction or I'll have to report back. I also expect you to listen and respect your fellow peers. Is that understood?”  
“Yes. M’am,” I add as an afterthought.  
"Good. A round of introductions first." She turns to the woman sitting next to her, indicating for her to start.

“Hi. My name is Molly. Assault and Battery. I found my husband with another woman and took it out on his face.” She gives a proud smile, until she sees Johanna's disapproving look. The smile disappears and she focuses on her lap as Johanna motions to the next person in the circle. We continue until it’s my turn.

“Hello. I’m…T-Tobias,” I stammer out. “Disorderly conduct. A, uh…guy was stalking my girlfriend, so I roughed him up a bit.” Johanna raises an eyebrow at me, but we continue on with the introductions uninterrupted.

Afterwards, we spend some time reading through paperwork on how to recognize when a situation is escalating, and how to stop the anger before it even begins. Steps like walking away from the situation or counting to ten, improving communication so we don’t get frustrated, learning how to listen and how to extend trust. At first I rolled my eyes, but as more time passes, I can see how most of it is relevant to me and my life.

I know I’m a lot calmer than I used to be. I had always assumed it was due to age and maturing, but I’m beginning to understand it’s more likely because I had given up and accepted that this was my life. And even though there are wonderful aspects of it —namely Tris— the negatives far outweigh that, and it’s been slowly sabotaging me.

After our time is up, Johanna approaches me and asks me to stay for a moment, so I follow her to an area where we can speak privately. I’m actually quite nervous. I feel like maybe I’ve failed already, or I’ve somehow not met her expectations.

“I just wanted to take a moment to speak with you,” she says softly. “I read your file. It wasn’t exactly clear, though, on what it was that set you off. Can you tell me what happened?”  
I clear my throat. “I, umm. Well I…assaulted someone.”  
“Tobias," she says, a softness in her voice that wasn't present earlier. "For this to work, I’m going to need you to stop being nervous. I’m not here to judge. We all have our demons.” My eyes drift to the scar she tries to hide.

“My girlfriend. She hired a tutor a while back, and he took advantage of her kindness and friendship and made a move on her. She stopped using him and cut him out of her life completely. They had a run in months later, and he sent her flowers to apologize. The assault was the first time I had seen him since that happened. When I… _hurt_ him, he had flowers in his hand. I snapped.” She nods for a second.

“Did you think he was there for her?”  
“Yes.”  
“And was he?”  
“No,” I say, still embarrassed over my mistake.

“Tobias, what was your childhood like? Or maybe even your later teen years. This anger and jealousy stems from somewhere, and if we can pinpoint that, we can find out what it is that sets you off and what you can do to stop it from happening in the future.”

_Shit._

I really don’t want to talk about this with anyone, let alone a complete stranger.

“Are you uncomfortable talking about it?” she asks. I realize then that I’ve been silent for far too long. I nod. “That’s okay, Tobias. I’m not going to push you, but this is important. You don’t have to _tell me_ , tell me, you know. I’ve found that writing it down is sometimes easier. It’s often hard to get the words out.”

Shit. She _is_ good.

“So can we meet in a couple of days? Would that be enough time for you to write things down?” I nod again. “Okay. I’ll clear some time for you after our next meeting. How is your relationship? With the girlfriend.”

That, is a really good question.

“I’m…not sure.”  
“Have you talked to her since the altercation?”  
“Yes. She thought we should take some time apart. She did tell me to call her, though,” I add, making it seem like things aren't as bad as they are. Hoping, really.  
“Have you?”  
“No.”

“Okay. Then I also want you to do that. You'll need her support too if you’re going to succeed. And I think taking some time apart is good, too. Sometimes it's just what we need to put things into perspective.” I feel like all I’m doing is nodding along to everything she says. She places a soft hand on my arm and smiles. “It’s going to be okay, Tobias.”

I know.

I've been telling myself that for years. I have to keep telling myself that now if I’m going to make it through this.

 

* * *

 

 

The envelope feels heavy in my pocket. It should. It contains so much more than just ink and paper; it’s a lifetime full of hate and abuse and fear. At first I was reluctant to write anything down. How could I possibly put it into words? Where would I even begin? But then I talked to Tris like Johanna instructed, and she gave me so much _hope_.

It was just a quick conversation, letting her know that I am in fact going through with the counseling sessions and that I would keep her informed on my progress. She sounded like she was genuinely happy for me, and that was enough to put a smile on my face. After that, I just put the pen to paper, and the years came flowing out.

Maybe I’m not so alone after all.

I watch Johanna nervously as she reads page after page. Her eyes flit up to mine every now and then, but she doesn’t speak until she is finished.  
“Tobias. I am _so_ sorry.” Her eyes are a little wet, and I have to look away. “No child should ever…”  
“Thank you,” I say when she doesn’t finish her sentence. “But it happened, and I did.”  
“It’s just amazing to me that you never acted out until now. You must really love her.” I look back to see a small smile on her face. “We always fight the hardest for the ones we love.”

We spend a few minutes reviewing some of the things in our relationship. How long we’ve been together. Eric. What our life is generally like. Our living situation. School.

“I have to say, you’re a hard nut to crack.” Johanna smiles at the confused look on my face. “Your life is, well, it’s good. Now, I mean. Most people don’t come through a childhood like yours on the normal side of things. Patterns repeat. The cycle is passed on. But I think there is hope for you yet. You are not a monster, despite what you might think.” She gives me a knowing look, and I wonder briefly if she might be able to read minds. “If anyone can break the cycle, I believe it’s you Tobias. Can I show you something?”

She stands and I follow her into another area of the building we meet in. She points to a door with a window in it, and I peek in. It’s full of children and a few teenagers. She pulls the door open when there's a lull in the conversation, and we enter. There are a handful of adults off to the side, observing maybe. She motions for me to join them while she speaks with someone. I awkwardly make my way over to where they are.

“Here to watch?” one of them says to me. I shrug. “If you’re with Johanna, don’t worry. She’ll have you whipped into shape in no time. Hi. I’m Peter.”  
“Tobias,” I say, shaking his hand. I’m going to have to get used to saying it out loud. “What is this?”  
“This is a class for kids who used to be in abusive homes. They meet and share their stories and rely on each other to get through it. Some of us aren’t kids anymore, but it still helps when you participate. And it shows them that they can do it too.” He gives me a sort of sympathetic look and shrugs before turning his attention back to the kids.

All conversations stop as a little girl —Mandy— who can’t be more than ten begins to talk about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her father. The longer I listen, the more parallels to her life and my own I draw. I can feel the sweat rolling down the back of my neck, and I feel like I might break wide open if I stay here any longer.

Everything —Marcus, Tris, Eric, Al, Mandy— it all hits me at once, and I feel like I’m falling. Like the floor has dropped out from underneath me and there's not enough air for all of us to breathe. The walls are closing in on me and I can't move. I will be trapped here for eternity, reliving my pain and hers, if I don't escape now. I stumble, my legs refusing to cooperate at first, and push past everyone to bolt through the door.

Johanna finds me in the hallway, pacing.

“Was that hard for you?”  
“Are you trying to set me off on purpose?” I ask, trying to keep my breathing under control. I turn away and take a deep breath, running my hands through my hair before turning back to her. "What good could possibly come from that?"

“Tobias, I thought if you saw that there were others in situations similar to yours, you might have an easier time coming to terms with it all. Those children in there are already light years ahead of you. I’m not trying to be callous, and I'm sorry I sprung this on you, but you do need help. The fact that you’ve done this all on your own up until now is, quite frankly, remarkable. But you can’t do it alone forever. Eventually it’s going to catch up with you, and you’re going to have to worry about more than a simple disorderly conduct charge.”

I watch as she pulls her hair aside, fully exposing the long scar on her face.

“I loved him. More than anything. But he loved drugs and alcohol and gambling. I kept telling myself that I could change him. If I could just love him enough, he would see the error of his ways, and we’d live happily ever after. This is what happened when I flushed his stash.”

It feels like my blood has run cold.

"I couldn't change him. I couldn't help him. And I surely couldn't save him. But he didn't _want_ it. You're different though, Tobias. You  _do_ want it. I can see it in your eyes, and hear it in your voice. I bet if you let me close enough, I could feel it in your heart." I can't stop the tears I feel forming in my eyes. She's right. I do want this. I don't want to be him. I don't want there to even _be_ a possibility of me hurting Tris. "Tobias, let me help you."  
“Okay.” It’s not easy to let someone in —to expose all of your insecurities and your worst nightmares to them— but I have to do this.

I have to face my demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:  
> Song: Sia - Elastic Heart (I feel like this could be Tobias' anthem, canon or otherwise.)
> 
> And you guys and all your wonderful reviews. You're fantastic. Thank you.


	18. CHANGES

**Tobias**

 

I haven’t talked to Tris in close to a month. We had spoken a few times —and her support and encouragement was been beyond wonderful and so motivating— but her not being with me was harder than I thought it would be, especially through the holidays. Right now not talking to her is easier for me, and I've learned that it's okay to feel this way. I love her more than anything, but she can’t be my crutch. I have to do this by myself, because if this is final, if we are truly over and done with, I can’t fall back. This is _my_ demon, and I must find a way to slay it on my own.

I’ve been attending my counseling classes regularly and it’s taken some time, but I’ve learned what my triggers are, and how to avoid them.

Tris is a trigger.

Not her specifically, but my past and how it relates to her. I had told Johanna about the first time —when Al kissed her— and how I didn’t react then. She was able to explain to me that although I was very upset at the time, it wasn’t directly in front of me. I saw it from a distance, I kept that distance, and listened when Tris offered me an explanation and an apology. This time however, it was right there in front of me, unexpectedly, on top of two instances of mistrust with Al in the past. That coupled with my already brewing distrust that something was not right was a recipe for disaster.

It’s not required, but I’m also taking the class with the abuse survivors. Some of them are older, like me, but the majority of them are still young. I see myself in them — that hopeless tug of hating your parent for what they are and what they do to you, but still loving and still hoping that they’ll change one day because after all, they’re your parent. However fucked up that may be, it’s the truth.

But I don’t need him. I don’t need his love, or lack thereof. I don’t want it. What I want is waiting for me to admit that to her. Waiting for me to give her the love and respect and _trust_ she deserves. I have to do this before I even consider offering anything to her again. I owe her that much.

“You’re going to be fine,” Tori says as we drive to Marcus’. She’s been my rock throughout all of this. Sure, Zeke and Uriah have come around, and I’m willing to bet they’re even reporting back to Tris right now, but Tori is who I called that day, and she’s the one who offered to see me through this moment. She knows what it’s like better than anyone. Zeke had wanted to come too, but I told him it wasn’t worth it. With him around, it would probably set everyone off even more.

“I know,” I say. “Thank you. For everything.”  
“You’re welcome. You know I still think of you as my kid. I’m proud of you.” I smile.

As we walk up to the house I take a deep breath, shake my hands out, and ring the doorbell. No surprise, Charles answers the door.  
“Is my fa—Marcus here?”  
“In his study.” He bows his head as Tori and I pass, and head up the stairs.

I can hear him yelling, through the phone probably, like he always does. I knock once and open the door without being invited in. He narrows his eyes at me —and even more at Tori— before getting off the phone.

“Well, get on with it,” he says gruffly.  
“I’m here to return these to you,” I say, pulling out my wallet. I place the various cards on the edge of his desk and take a step back. He looks at them for a moment before raising an eyebrow.

“What, did you win the lottery or something?” he says, a cruel grin creeping across his face. “Be serious Tobias and take the cards back.”  
“No. I’m done with them, and I’m done with you.” My voice falters for a spilt second on the last word, and I curse myself.  
“Oh really? Now this I have to hear. Let me guess, you put him up to it?” His eyes drift behind me, but Tori remains silent.  
“No. I don’t need you. I don’t need this life. I don’t need…” God dammit. I can’t even get the words out.

“Right,” he says, his face serious and his voice deep. He leans forward and snatches the cards off the edge of his desk. “Then I’m done with you too. Off you go. See you when you come crawling back. We’ll see then how much you don’t need me.”  
“I don’t think you understand,” I say. “I’m done. This is it.”  
“And I said goodbye. So go on. It’s not like it makes much of a difference to me anyways.” I let out a strangled laugh and shake my head.

“You’re right. It doesn’t make much difference to you, does it? You never gave one shit about me. Or my mother.”  
“Don’t you _dare_ talk about your mother like that,” he snarls.  
“Like you care! Like you _ever_ cared!” I snap. “I know the truth, _dad_. I know all about the others. I know all about _Four_.”  
“You ungrateful piece of shit.”

“Ungrateful?” I yell. “Yes, _so_ ungrateful. I guess I should be thanking my lucky stars I had you to beat on me when you came home drunk, or when you lost an election, or when you thought I might make you look bad. How could I _ever_ forget to thank you for that. Well _thank you_ , Marcus, for fucking me up in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.” I’m sweating and breathing heavy now, but the one thing I am not, is angry. If anything, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

“Oh,” I add, “You can fuck off too if you think I’m going to be a lawyer and help you and your sleezeball friends out. I’m done with school, too.”  
“Tobias,” he says, a bit softer, “Now, son—"  
“Don’t son, me. I am _not_ your son. You don’t even exist to me anymore. Goodbye, Marcus.” I spin around to see a proud Tori. She reaches out to take my arm and we walk out of the room, together.

“You owe me for all the years I wasted on you!” I hear him yell out.  
“Yeah? Sue me for it,” I say to Tori, who smiles.

 

* * *

 

“Zeke, you have no idea how fucking liberating it felt,” I say as I take a swig of my beer.  
“Man. I wish I was there to see the look on his face. Damn son, am I proud of you.” He smiles that wide smile of his, and I can’t help but return it.  
“Thanks.”

“So, Shauna wants you to come by for dinner tonight—"  
“Zeke.”  
“To _meet the baby_ ,” he finishes. “I understand why, but you haven’t exactly been around and you didn’t get to meet her in the hospital.” He raises an eyebrow at me. I sigh.  
“Fine. What time?” I know my best friend better than he thinks I do. This is not going to be just a baby meet and greet.

I dress nice. Kind of. I don’t want to look like I was expecting anything, but I don’t exactly want to wear a t-shirt and jeans either, just in case. I pull out a nice gray long sleeve shirt and a nice pair of black jeans and run my fingers through my hair a few extra times. It’s as good as its going to get.

I can’t remember the last time I was this nervous. Maybe when I asked Tris if I could kiss her on the cruise ship? Hell, I wasn’t even this nervous the first time we had sex. I mean, that just felt _right_. But now, I just know she’s here. I can feel it. I don’t know how she’s going to react to me in person. What if she's decided that she wants to move on? What if she's realized that she doesn’t care about me as much as she thought she did?

I hope she still cares. I do.

I take a deep breath and knock softly, in case the baby is sleeping.

“Hey,” Shauna says when she answers the door. She smiles sweetly and gives me a quick hug. “In here.” She motions for me to follow her down their little entry hall, so I do, and stop as soon as I walk into the living room.

Tris is sitting on the couch, and she’s holding the baby. She hasn’t noticed me; I watch as she snuggles into the little bundle of blankets, smiling and cooing and kissing. I can’t even begin to fight the warmth I feel spreading out inside of me, or the smile that breaks out across my face.

“Hey man,” Zeke says, standing up and walking over to shake my hand. “Thanks for coming.”  
“Asshole,” I mutter under my breath, but he just smiles and squeezes my hand tightly. I look back at Tris, who’s looking at me now.

“Hi,” I say.  
“Hey.” She looks between Zeke and Shauna quickly before her eyes land back on me. So she didn’t know either.  
“Can I see?” I ask, pointing to the baby.  
“Oh. Yeah.” She stands and walks over to me. I peek inside the bundle of blankets, and my jaw drops open.

“Holy shit. She looks just like you!” I say to Zeke.  
“I know. Poor child.”  
“Hey!” Shauna says, smacking the two of us on the arm. “That’s my daughter, and she’s beautiful.”  
“Alright! Jesus. We’re just joking,” Zeke says, planting a peck on her cheek. It makes my heart ache. I look over to Tris who’s looking at me.

“Want to hold her?” she asks.  
“Oh. Umm, alright.” She moves to hand the baby to me, but I put my hands up quickly.  
“Not standing!” I say, moving to the couch. I've never held a baby before and I don't trust my nerves right now. Tris gives me a soft smile, and follows me over.

“Here, hold your arms like I am,” she says. I do, and she places the baby in them. Our hands touch briefly, and my mouth goes dry.  
“Thanks,” I manage to get out. I feel stiff and out of place and like I might break the baby if I sneeze too hard.  
“Relax,” she says softly, pressing on my arm to rest on a pillow. I look down at the smiling little girl in my arms, and smile back at her.

“This is your Uncle Four,” Shauna says from beside me.  
“Tobias,” I correct. I can see the three of them stop and stare. I look up at Tris though. “You can call me Tobias.”  
“Uncle Tobias, then,” Shauna says. “This is Annaleigh.”  
“Hi,” I say, and the baby gurgles. “Holy shit. I still can’t believe you guys have a kid.”  
“Me either,” she says. “But it’s worth it.”

I smile. I think it's worth it too.

We have a nice dinner, and somehow nothing feels too out of place. I use my time wisely —with Zeke’s clever prodding, of course— and manage to spill all about my classes and how they’re working.

“So that’s why I’ve decided to make a change,” I say. The three of them are quiet as they wait for me to finish. “I quit school.”  
“Tobias,” Tris says softly.  
“It’s not what you think. I’m still going to go to school, just…not to be a lawyer.” Zeke smiles.

“Well don’t keep us in suspense!” he says.  
“I’m going to go into counseling. Work with kids who were abused. Like me." I see Shauna turn her head towards Zeke who is just nodding, but I keep my eyes focused on Tris.

“Thank you,” I say to her.  
“For what?” she asks softly.  
“For pushing me. For wanting me to be better.”

“Zeke. You want to help me give Anna a bath?” Shauna asks.  
“Yep,” he says, standing immediately. He pats my shoulder as he walks past and I shoot him a look.  
“Sorry,” I say, giving Tris a small smile.  
“No. It’s okay.”

“So…”  
“So,” I say. I hate that this is what our life has become — awkward conversations and our friends having to conspire behind our backs to get us together. “I didn’t know, by the way.”  
“I figured. I assumed though.”  
“Yeah,” I say, smiling. “Okay. The thought crossed my mind.”

We sit in silence for a few and I can hear Zeke and Shauna laughing as they give the baby a bath. I sigh, as memories of Tris’ laughter invade my thoughts.

“How’s Marcus taking it?”  
“Taking what?”  
“School.”  
“I wouldn’t know.” She smiles that coy little smile of hers, and it takes every ounce of restraint to not take her face in my hands and kiss the ever living shit out of it.

“I told him to go fuck himself. Last week.”  
“I bet that went over well. He didn’t…” Her eyes skim over me quickly.  
“No. He thinks I’ll come crawling back though.”  
“And you won’t?”  
“Not a chance in hell. I told him I was done, and I meant it.”

She stands, and my heart immediately begins to thump harder as she crosses over to me.

“I’m sorry I haven’t called,” I blurt out, and shut my eyes tight at how idiotic I sound. “I just…it wasn't easy. Talking. Not talking. I thought I should just focus on what I needed to do with no distractions. Besides, I wanted to wait, you know, until I could keep my promises.”  
“Promises?” She’s standing next to me now, and I have to force myself to breathe. She crouches down so we’re closer to eye level. I feel her soft fingers on my cheek, and involuntarily shudder as she turns my face towards her.  
“To you. And to myself,” I say, opening them.

I have never been more happy to open my eyes.

Her beautiful gray ones stare back into mine, searching. She brings her other hand up now, and I lean into it’s warmth.

“I don’t need him,” I say. “I’m running my own life, now. I have a job, and a house, and a car." I gulp, hoping I can get through this conversation without making anything worse.

“And?” she prompts.  
“And…I’m making my own path.”  
“And?”  
“And I’m going to go to school for what _I_ want.”  
“And?” she prompts again, smiling now.  
“And…” Oh god. It’s fucking now or never. “You?” She smiles even wider now.  
“And me.” I let out a breath and smile too.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I know I overreacted a little. But I was so scared that you would…head down the wrong path, or that I would…”  
“No, Tris. You don’t need to explain why you felt scared. I know why. And you didn’t overreact. You were one hundred percent right in what you did. I needed a kick in the ass to see what I had, and what I could lose if I didn’t pull my head out. I know sorry doesn't fix it, but I’m really sorry I acted the way I did. And I’m really sorry it took me so long to realize I was slowly fucking it all up. And I’m—" …cut off by a kiss. It’s a quick peck, but it still leaves me breathless.

“Quiet,” she says, a smile playing at her mouth. Oh god have I missed that mouth. I lean forward and capture her soft lips with mine and kiss her again, pulling her up into my lap. She straddles me, and _oh fuck_.

“Get a room,” I hear Zeke say as he emerges from the hallway. Tris giggles as she pulls away from me, and she gives me a look — _that_ look— and I want nothing more than to get the hell out of here.  
“Fuck you,” I say, smiling.  
“Now, now,” Zeke says. “Keep that up, and I might just keep you here all night.”

We spend another hour visiting, but when the baby starts to get fussy, we say our goodbyes.

“Zeke picked you up, right?" I ask as we walk out the door. She nods her head. "Is it okay if I take you home?”  
“Tobias. You don’t need to tip toe around me. It’s okay. We’re okay.”  
“We are? I mean…I didn’t want to assume anything.”  
“Yes, we are. You can take me home.” She bites her lip, and I groan.  
“Tris, the things you do to me.” I lean back against my car, and pull her into me.

“I really am sorry,” I whisper into her hair. “I just couldn’t see it. Or maybe I was just afraid to.”  
“What made you realize it?”  
“Seeing those other kids who grew up like I did. If they can do this, if they can get through it, move past it, then so can I.” She wraps her arms around me tighter, and nuzzles into my neck.  
“You’re going to be an amazing counselor.”  
“Thank you.”

“So,” she says, pulling away from me. “What exactly is it that I do to you?” She smiles ever so slightly, and I swear my dick instantly responds.  
“You know.”  
“Maybe I don’t." She leans up and whispers into my ear, "Maybe I need you to tell me.” _Holy fuck._

We burst through my front door fifteen minutes later, all hands and lips and tongues. I kick the door shut with my foot and press her against the wall, rubbing right up against her. She lets out a sigh, and I smile.

“I’ve missed that,” I say.  
“What else have you missed?” _I swear to god.  
_ “You,” I say. “Every last part of you.” She smiles and tugs on my hand, leading me down the hall.

I wrap my arms around her from behind and kiss her neck and shoulder as we walk. She breaks away as soon as we walk in our room and pulls her shirt off, tossing it on the floor. I suck in a breath at the sight of her smirk as she turns around.  
“Get naked.”

I don’t need to be told twice.

I clumsily stumble out of my shoes while I try to yank my shirt off at the same time. She laughs as I rip my pants off, getting undressed in some new land speed record. Her face goes serious as she takes me all in, and I feel the back of my neck get hot. She licks her lips and laughs afterwards when it makes me twitch.  
“Down boy,” she says quietly, and I have no idea how I’m going to last more than twelve seconds.

She turns her back to me and bends over, taking her pants down with her. _Fuck_. I have to bite my lip to keep my thoughts to myself.

She turns back around and walks to me slowly, placing a hand on my chest, and gently guides me to the bed. I sit, and she winks at me as she reaches over and clicks on the radio.

“Perfect,” she says as she places her arms around my neck, and slowly starts to move. My mouth hangs open as she straddles me and begins grinding. Why hasn’t she tried this before? I try to touch her, but she slaps my hand away and wags her finger at me. I watch intently as she stands and unhooks her bra, letting it fall to the floor.

She straddles me again, rubbing herself against me and all I can do I watch. I want to touch her so bad; to kiss her and take her in my arms and make love to her. But I wait patiently, keeping to myself like she requested.

She pushes me down roughly and wraps her mouth around me and I'm completely caught off guard.  
“Shit,” I mutter as I fist the sheets. I don't know if she wants me to touch her yet. I close my eyes, enjoying her hot, wet mouth as it licks and kisses and sucks. I know I won’t be able to hold on if she keeps this up. And down and up and down…

I reach out, not giving a damn about her no touching rule and pull her up to me. I cup her face with my hands and kiss her with everything I've got; like I’ve been poisoned and her lips are the only antidote. She pulls back, breathing hard, eyes wide and hair wild already, a soft smile growing on her face.

“What was that?” she whispers.  
“I just…I love you, Tris.” She leans in and kisses me softly on the forehead.  
“I love you too.” I smile and kiss her again, pushing her down this time. I kiss along her jawline, making my way across her neck. I stop at her collarbone, kissing each one of her ravens before planting one firmly over her beating heart. "I love you," I whisper again, turning my head to listen to it beat out it's rhythm, my own responding.

Her chest heaves as my mouth ghosts over her breast. I take her nipple in my mouth, teasing it with just the tip of my tongue. Her soft sighs and moans only turn me on more.

I slide her panties off painstakingly slow, receiving a loud groan in response as I tease a trail of soft kisses down her stomach to her hips, smiling at her cry of pleasure when I taste her. It feels like time stands still as I do everything I can to show her how much I have missed her with just my tongue. I tease and kiss, exploring every peak and valley until her hands are in my hair, tugging until it hurts and whispering my name as her thighs clamp around my head.

“Shit,” she whispers, a little laugh escaping as I rub the top of my head.  
“I missed you too,” I say.

She points to the bed and I lay down, watching as she climbs on top of me. I dig my fingers into her hips as she takes her time, spreading herself as she glides down around me. I have never loved her more than in this moment. Her ability to see through my bullshit, and to still care about and support me is all I need to succeed. Her love, and her trust, and the look in her eye. Oh _god_ , that look in her eye. All of it is more than I deserve, and I feel like the luckiest man on the planet right now.

 _This_ is what love is.

I watch her as she moves, slow at first, increasing her pace as my own heart rate goes up. Her body is slick, and so is mine, and she’s never looked more perfect. I take over, holding on tight as she closes her eyes, mouth slightly open as she gasps with each thrust. She lets out a little laugh and bites her lip as I feel her all around me, wet and clenching with pleasure. I can’t stop the growl that escapes my own mouth as I come with her.

I pull her down to me and hold on tight, never wanting to let her go. I kiss her softly on the head, and she brings her bright eyes up to mine.  
“So why don’t you tell me how you really feel,” she says with a laugh, and I laugh too.  
“I feel…like everything is exactly as it should be.”

And it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs: Justin Timberlake - Future Sex, Love Sound (strip)  
> Parachute - She is Love  
> Ariana Grande - Love Me Harder
> 
> One year, 5 months
> 
> I know it's sometimes hard to denote the passage of time, especially when only one chapter happens in between, but I just wanted to make sure you guys knew they spent two months apart (including Thanksgiving and Christmas).
> 
> And on another note, HOLY SHIT IT'S FINALLY HERE. Tomorrow my ass will be in a movie theater watching Insurgent. TOMORROW. I swear it seemed like it was never going to get here, but then I blinked and it was March. Expect a lot of fangirling in my update on Friday haha.


	19. YES

**Tobias**

 

On the drive home, I can’t think of anything but Tris. It’s been so long since we've had more than half a day together to do absolutely nothing. If it’s not school it’s work or the counseling classes I sill attend or mentoring one of the kids that comes through for counseling. And Tris is either job hunting or writing a research paper, and then we fill our free time with our friends. There’s been minimal time for _just_ us.

I drop my bag and keys as soon as I walk in the door, and flop onto the couch in a heap.

“Tobias?” I hear her call out from down the hall.  
“Mmm, yeah. In here.”  
“Hey. Long day?” she says, leaning in the hall entryway with a bright a smile on her face. I close my eyes and run a hand down mine.  
“I just want to take a nap and then go to bed, and then wake up just so I can come out here and take another nap.”

I feel her crawl onto the couch and curl up next to me.  
“Why are you acting like a predator,” I ask, cracking an eye open for just a second.  
“Maybe because I’m stalking my prey,” she says with a playful tone in her voice. There's no need to open my eyes; I can feel her gaze boring into the side of my head.

“Stop staring.”  
“No. Go pack a bag.”  
“For what?” I ask, looking at her now.  
“Just hush and pack a bag.” I raise an eyebrow at her, but she just gives me that smile she gets when she’s up to no good and plants a kiss on my cheek. I narrow my eyes and let out a long, loud sigh before I get up and shuffle down the hallway.

“What exactly am I packing for?” I yell out to her.  
“I can’t tell you!”  
“Why not? How the hell am I supposed to pack anything?” I stand with my hands on my hips for a minute, staring in the closet. “Fuck it!” I yell. “I’m packing whatever.”  
“That’s the spirit!” she yells back.

I grab whatever I can get my hands on, and toss a pair of swim trunks in too, just in case. I raid the bathroom, grabbing the basics, and come out just a few minutes later. Tris just looks at me as I drop my bag on the couch.

“What? You wouldn’t give me any hints, so I just packed a light bag.”  
“I didn’t say anything,” she says, eyeing me up and down. “Come on. We have to get going if we don’t want to be late.” I sigh as I look at her, and throw my hands up in the air.  
“Whatever you say.” I snatch my bag and motion for her to head towards the door.

We hop in her car and I pay extra attention to see if I can figure anything out. I'm torn between hating that she's got a surprise planned, and excited to see what it is. She hops on the freeway, heading North, and I smile. I have an idea where we’re headed.

“Wipe that smile off your face,” she says. “You have no idea what’s in store for this weekend.”  
“Damn. Alright.” She smirks, and so do I.

After a little while I see the familiar sights start to come into view, and I look over to see a big grin plastered on her face.

“I figured that since we couldn’t really do anything for our anniversary this year, I’d use this opportunity to have it late.”  
“Are we _ever_ going to celebrate it on it’s actual day?” I ask, laughing.  
“Ha! Probably not. It doesn't really matter though. Whenever we celebrate is okay with me.”  
“Yeah. Me too.”

We pull into a hotel parking lot, and she stretches when she gets out. The thin strip of skin I see when her shirt lifts makes my heart beat a little harder. I stand there as she grab two bags, and neither one of them is the one I packed. I peek in the back and see it’s still there. That sneaky little…

She checks us into the hotel, and we make our way up to our room. It’s nothing fancy, but it does have an ocean view.

“You can sleep tonight,” she says from behind me. “In fact, that's an order. I'm exhausted, and I know you’re exhausted, and you’re gonna need your rest for the next two days.”  
“Why? What’s the next two days,” I say, looking over my shoulder. She raises an eyebrow and bites her lip. How the hell am I supposed to sleep when she does things like this?  
“Sorry. You’re just going to have to wait and see.”

I wake up, groggy and disoriented to see Tris’ lovely face looking down at me. I crane my neck to look at the clock— it’s almost noon.

“Shit. Why’d you let me sleep so late?” I say through a yawn, stretching and rubbing my eyes. “And how long have you been up?”  
“Like ten minutes. Besides, you and I both needed that. Tell me that almost fourteen hours of sleep doesn’t feel like heaven right now.”  
“It kinda does.”

 I roll over and stare at her. Even with her mascara smeared and her hair all over the place, she's still the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.

“What?” she asks, a small blush creeping over her.  
“Nothing. Just wondering how I got so lucky.” Her face brightens as a wide smile forms, and that warm feeling that comes from somewhere deep inside of me spreads all around.

We shower and dress quickly, and despite me asking —and asking and asking— she refuses to tell me where we’re going. She gets lost a few times with all the one way streets in San Francisco, but eventually we make it to the stadium. I smile at her as she hands me my ticket— the Giants vs the Cubs.  
“I know that it'll be a while until we can make it to Chicago. So, I thought I’d just bring it to you.”

We've been discussing making a trip back there so she could pay a visit to her parents graves and I could see where she grew up, but between our schedules, we both know it's still going to be a while before that happens. Sometimes I forget how thoughtful she can be, until she goes and does something like this. It's these little moments that make me fall in love with her all over again.

We drink beer, eat hot dogs, dance to all the standard baseball songs that play, and even buy the required foam fingers. When we see ourselves on the kiss cam, we laugh before making out as the people around us cheer us on.

After the game we make our way back down to Pier 39, watching the people pass by and the kids laughing and having fun as we stroll hand in hand. Eventually we find our way back to the spot where we spent our first anniversary; where I gave her the key to our home. I wrap my arms around her and rest my chin on her head, holding her tight as we both stare off.

I listen to the waves crashing below and sounds of life blossoming behind us, and I can’t help but think of the two of us and how we met on the cruise. How we spent a night like this —happy to just be in each other's company— in another city, in what almost feels like another life time.

So much has changed since then; I have fallen in love and moved on from my father and grown into a better person, all because of her. She brought out a strength in me that I never knew I had, one I desperately needed to see what my life could become if I just tried. We could live a million lifetimes together, and I could still never repay her for everything she has done. In all of human history, nobody has —or will ever— love another person as much as I love Tris.

She sighs and brings her hands up, holding onto my arms. “I love you, Tobias.” I close my eyes, simply enjoying the sound of her voice, and the words she said as they float through the air.  
“Marry me,” I breathe out in response.

_Holy. Fucking. Shit._

My heart hammers in my chest as I realize what I just said. She hasn’t moved, or made any indication that she even heard me, so maybe I’m in the clear. It was a whisper, after all. But what am I so panicked over? It’s not like I _don’t_ want to marry her. I just…I didn’t plan this. _At all_. She squeezes my arm, and turns just enough to look at me out of the corner of her eye.

“Okay.”  
“Okay what?” I can actually _feel_ myself internally groan.  
“Let’s get married.” I gulp, stalling, because I really don’t have a fucking clue what’s happening anymore. How did we go from just standing here to getting fucking _married_?

“Like…right now?” She let's out a chuckle.  
“I mean, we can, but I think I’d like to invite our friends. And maybe my brother.” She smiles, and it makes my heart melt.

“O-Okay. I mean, I don’t know what came over me and I don’t have a ring or anything so we can go pick one out tomorrow if you like or you can let me surprise you or—" she reaches up, pinching my lips together with just two of her fingers.  
“I. Don’t. Care.” Her eyes are wide, and a little wet, and I let a loud breath out through my nose. She’s so amazing, and somehow I'm lucky enough to receive her love for the rest of my life. I pull away, freeing my lips, turning her so she's facing me.

“I love you too, is what I meant to say. Obviously.”  
“Well obviously," she says with a little laugh. "This was better though.” Her eyes dart back and forth between mine. Their gray depths pierce my blue ones, and just like that, the people and the sounds and the rest of the world disappears, leaving nothing but the two of us.

“It was?”  
“It absolutely was.” I lean down and kiss her, my heart beating so hard it’s all I can hear. Our relationship has pretty much been one unplanned moment after another, so I really shouldn't be surprised it happened this way. It's actually kind of perfect.

“So, just to clarify,” I say as I pull away, trying to catch my breath, “That’s a yes?”  
“Tobias—"  
“I just want to hear you say it.” She smiles, a slight giggle escaping.  
“Yes.”

_Yes_.

The greatest word to ever grace my ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. Site was down!
> 
> Song: Taylor Swift - Everything Has Changed
> 
> 2 years, 1 month
> 
> SO LET'S TALK INSURGENT. NO SPOILERS.
> 
> OH MY GOD. Okay, real talk, it's WAAAAY different than the book, but at the same time, it isn't. Insurgent has SO MUCH going on, that it was bound to change. The movie would be like 7 hours long if they made it scene for scene. (Not that I'd be complaining.)  
> It was really good though. The changes all made sense and it still kept the heart of the story which is what's important. It went by SO fast because it was just GO GO GO non-stop. Even though I knew what was happening I was still on the edge of my seat.
> 
> THEO JAMES. Let me just say one thing. HOT FUCKING DAMN. I literally cannot with this man. His smile alone had me in a damn puddle in my seat. He fucking BREATHES and it's sexy. (Is he even real? Was he created by the government to make us all swoon?)
> 
> FOURTRIS. BAD ASS SIMS. ASSHOLE PETER. FUCK OFF CALEB. YOU TOO EVELYN. MARCUS CAN GO DIE IN A HOLE. ALL OF THE EMOTIONS WERE THERE.
> 
> In short, go see it. Support our babies. I'm going again on Saturday with the family. And probably at least once more. And then maybe once more after that.


	20. FAMILY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note. The site was down for maintenance on Friday, so just make sure you read chapter 19 that was posted then before jumping into this one!

We pull into our parking space, and I practically dive out of the car before Tobias even has it in park.

"Christ, Tris, calm down."  
"I can't!" I say, breaking into a smile. "I haven't seen Caleb in almost four years. Plus, he gets to meet you and we get to have Christmas together!" I take Tobias' hand, barely giving him enough time to put a quarter in the meter, and pull him towards the arriving flights.

Bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet, I try to keep an eye out for him as throngs of people make their way off of various flights, fighting to find their luggage carousel. We're standing near the entrance — it's congested and hard for me to see over the sea of bodies. _The curse of being short_ I think as I strain on my tiptoes again. I see Tobias look at the picture of Caleb I sent him on his phone again, and look out into the crowd.  
"There. I think," he says, pointing. I jump up a couple of times to get a look.

"Caleb!" I shout, and see him turn his head. I raise my hand and wave it like a lunatic as I push through the people, breaking into a run and wrapping my arms around my brother's neck.  
"Beatrice!" he says, lifting me off the ground and spinning. I hold on tight for a minute after he sets me down. "Oh god, it's good to see you. Look at you! You've grown up!"  
"Well I'm not a little kid anymore," I say, smiling. I feel Tobias' presence behind me and turn to see him standing there with his hands in his pockets.

"Caleb, this is Tobias, my fiancé." Tobias smiles a little at the word, and holds his hand out.  
"So you're the one who's captured my sisters heart," Caleb says, extending his own hand. They shake for what feels like an entirely inappropriate amount of time, and I raise an eyebrow.  
"We can do whatever macho man-dance the two of you are doing later. Let's get your bag and get out of here."

"Nice place," Caleb says when we pull up.  
"Thank you," Tobias says when I don't speak up. "Tris picked it." I look sideways at him, and see the smile on his face.  
"Really? How long have you guys lived here?"  
"Like…around a year and a half?" I say looking over to Tobias. He nods.

I know I haven't been here the whole time, and we even split up for a little while in there, but that still feels like the right answer. We found this house together and we bought it when we were together. It's been ours all along. Caleb doesn't need to long answer. Not yet anyways.

"And you've been together how long?"  
"Caleb," I say. "Stop. You don't need to do the big brother thing."  
"What? I'm just making sure I have all the facts."  
"Almost two and a half years," I sigh out. "Is that good enough for now?"  
"For now," Caleb says with a wry smile. "So what's for dinner? I'm starving."

We feed Caleb a snack and force him to take a nap to hopefully ward off the jet-lag. Tonight is the first night in a long time where everyone was able to get some time off, find a babysitter, or come back into the country so we can all be together. It's going to also sort of function as our engagement party, even though it's been a while since Tobias asked me. I stare down at the ring —a simple half carat solitaire— and smile.

I had told Tobias to go ahead and pick it out, since he really seemed like he wanted to surprise me with it. At first I was a little worried he would come home with some huge rock that cost a small fortune, but I was pleasantly surprised. It's absolutely perfect; not too flashy, and not too plain. The wedding band that goes with it _is_ a little more flashy, with _a lot_ more diamonds. It's contrasting, but they compliment each other. It's almost like he knows me. I chuckle a bit, and catch Tobias' eye.

"What are you laughing at?" he asks as he walks over and wraps his arms around me.  
"Nothing. Just looking at my ring."  
"And that's funny?"  
"No. Stop worrying. It's beyond perfect." I kiss him on the tip of his nose and grab my phone, texting Christina to triple check Will doesn't have to go in tonight.

After Caleb wakes up, we pile in the car and meet the gang at Sliders.  
"A karaoke bar?" Caleb says when we walk in. All eyes turn to look at him. "Okay. Sheesh. Sorry I'm not in the loop." The hostess pulls two tables together and seats us in the karaoke section.

"Man, how long has it been?" Zeke asks.  
"Since we _all_ got together? Shit. I don't know. Two Christmases ago?" Tobias answers.  
"No way. There was Anna," Shauna says.  
"Eh, I wouldn't really count that," I say, and we share a laugh. Caleb just looks between us, completely lost. It's all part of the things I have to fill him in on.

We order our food and flip through the song book, agreeing that we'll pick a song for the person on our left to sing when Uriah suggested it. That means I get to pick for Will. I see him pull out his phone, and suddenly mine is going off.

_\- Bathroom. Now._

I look over at Will who is acting like nothing has happened.

"I'll be right back," I say, getting up. I wait for a few minutes near the bathrooms when Will shows up.  
"I need your help," he says.  
"With?" He smiles a wide smile and pulls a box out of his pocket. "Oh!" I say, looking at the little velvet box.

"I was thinking of doing it tonight. With everyone here. I mean, if that's okay with you."  
"No, that's fine. I'm just worried she might think it's…not the right setting." I'm sure Christina will say yes no matter what, but she's so quick to point out when Tobias is being cheesy, I wouldn't put it past her to do the same to Will.

"Really? Damn. Any suggestions?"  
"Why not just do it spur of the moment? I mean, you can still do it tonight, but like, pull her aside when you're playing a game or something."  
"Okay," he says, looking a little lost in his thoughts.  
"What did you have in mind, anyways?" He just grins and pulls me back to the table.

He texts me the song he wants to sing, and I smile. They're the last one of our little family to take 'the leap'. Tobias and I are engaged, and Zeke asked Shauna not long after Anna was born. Uriah and Marlene snuck off to Vegas a couple of months ago and got hitched, and now Will is going to ask Chris.

All of our lives are changing, and it brings a smile to my face that we still make sure to make time for each other, even if it's far in-between.

We eat and talk and sing and catch up with one another. When it's Will's turn, he gives me a wink and heads on stage.

_It's a beautiful night,_  
_We're looking for something dumb to do_  
_Hey baby  
_ _I think I wanna marry you_

Christina is uncharacteristically still as Will sings slightly off-key. It's actually one of the sweetest things I think I've ever seen; it's not often that Chris looks like this or is left speechless. Tobias nudges me, a questioning look on his face, and I give him a slight nod. He smiles now, and leans over to Caleb, who looks between the two of them and gives me a wink. Soon enough it seems the whole table has realized what's going on except Christina, who hasn't taken her eyes off of Will once.

He finishes and we clap like crazy. I notice the little blush he has when he comes back to the table. Christina seems to have come out of her little daze, and suddenly looks between Will and I a few times before sticking her face in her plate and picking at her food.

"Why don't we all go play some games," Zeke suggests. His eyes flit to mine, and I stand, encouraging everyone else to follow suit.

I do my best to not stare at the two of them as they head over to play some skee-ball. Tobias whistles a little tune as he follows, taking up the last lane, leaving me to take the one closest to them.

"Want to make a bet?" I hear Will ask Chris.  
"A bet?"  
"Yeah. Winner gets a prize."  
"Uhh…sure?"

Tobias and I make our own silent bet over skee-ball, even though he knows I'm going to leave him in the dust. Roll after roll, Will does his best job at sucking completely, allowing Christina to win. I poke some fun at Tobias for losing, trying my best to act normal and not be the eavesdropping best friend.

"Well, you win," I hear Will say.  
"So what's my prize," Christina asks quietly. I'm not sure I've actually ever heard her this quiet before. Tobias puts another coin in my lane as he tries to pretend he's not watching. But the grin that crosses his face let's me know that it's happening. I turn to see Will holding out the box; Christina brings a hand up to her mouth.

"Is that what I think it is?" she asks.  
"You know it is," Will says. "I love you. With all my heart. Make me the happiest man—"  
"Yes!" She throws her arms around Will, and the people around us begin to clap when he slides the ring on her finger.

"Oh my god, Tris!" she squeals out. She turns around and holds out her hand for me to see…the giant rock she has. Which is surrounded by even more rocks.  
"Jesus," I say. "Careful with that thing. You'll knock somebody out with it."  
"I know!" she says, grabbing my hand now to show off both our rings. "We're getting married!" She throws her arms around me and squeezes so tight I can hardly breathe.

The rest of the evening is spent having a wonderful time eating, drinking, and singing. This is what family is all about. This is love. I don't think I could have ended up with a better group of people in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Bruno Mars - Marry You
> 
> Two years, 4 months
> 
> Also, fair warning, this story has just 4 chapters left. Seems quick, I know, but I promise they're filled with all sorts of goodies.


	21. I DO

Most people are nervous on their wedding day, but I am not. Even though we've had a few ups and downs, there was never any doubt that Tobias is who I belong with. He is the love of my life.

This day isn't without its pain, though. I wish I had my father to walk me down the aisle. I wish I had my mother to sit by him and hold his hand while he passes her his handkerchief to wipe away her tears. I wish Tobias' mom was alive and that he had a father who cared. But we don't have those things. Instead we made our own family, one filled with love and laughter and friendship.

The one thing I do have is Caleb to walk me down the aisle. He comes inside my tent, looking as handsome as ever in his suit, and my heart flutters. It's almost time.

"I'm almost ready," I say, holding back the tears like I've done all morning. Christina and I talked about all of our good memories and cried as much as we could to try and get them all out, but it was all for naught. There are too many emotions inside of me right now and I can't help it.

"Look at you," he says, smiling. "You look stunning. Tobias is gonna flip."  
"You think so?" I ask, dabbing at the corner of my eye with a tissue.  
"I know so, Beatrice. I love you."  
"I love you too, Caleb."

He steps closer, a wide, loving smile on his face. I lean forward as he wraps his arms around me. I hold on tight, taking in the parts of our parents I see in him, and melding them with mine.  
"Everything is good to go. We're ready when you are," he says when I pull away. He winks at me and steps out of the tent.

Tobias and I didn't want to do anything too fancy, so we found an area in one of the nearby parks that holds weddings. They have chairs and tables there already, and you can either provide some decorations or you can tell them what you like and they will decorate it for you. We chose the latter.

I saw the giant tree we're going to be standing in front of when I arrived earlier, and it took my breath away.

The chairs are arranged so they're facing it, with a runner covered in flow petals parting the two sides. The tree has white streamers that look like they're made of flowers and crystals and lights all throughout hanging down to the ground. It's perfect. I fix one last curl and take a look in the mirror.

My gown is simple — white, empire waist — a thin black satin ribbon wrapped around it, thin spaghetti straps to show off my ravens, and full flowing soft chiffon. My hair is braided into a crown, with the rest curled into ringlets, tiny white flowers securing everything in the back. I know Tobias decided to go with everything black, but I haven't seen what he's wearing. He wanted it to be a surprise just like my dress is. I told my bridesmaids —Christina, Shauna and Marlene— to choose their own dresses, as long as they were black too.

"Are you ready?" Christina asks as the girls come in to check on me. She has on a dress that looks almost identical to mine, only short. And black with a white ribbon, of course.  
"I dunno. Am I?" I smile at her and do a little twirl.  
"Girl, you've been ready for this since the day you met."

I hear the music begin, and wait patiently for everyone to make their way down the aisle. And then Caleb is reaching his hand out for me and we're walking out into the open and the smiling faces of our family and friends remind me that this is really happening. I am finally marrying Tobias.

I let out a nervous laugh with everyone's eyes on me. I look to the alter to see Tobias standing there, that sweet half grin on his face. My hands shake a little as I take him in, trying to remember how to breathe. My hands are sweating as I latch onto Caleb for support; I've seen Tobias dressed up plenty of times before, but he is _striking_ in all black.

_Our entire relationship has been leading to this moment_ , I think to myself, and now that it's here, my body doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. The amount of emotions going through me right now is almost overwhelming. The one thing I do know is that I am happier than I have ever been.

"Who gives this woman away?" our officiant asks when Caleb and I come to a stop.  
"Our parents and I do," Caleb says. I look to him, and his eyes are wet. _Dammit._ I give him a quick hug and take Tobias' outstretched hand.

We stand facing each other, and even though my hands are sweating and trembling and I'm starting to see everything through a blur of tears, he is steady. My heart thumps as Tobias looks at me like it is only the two of us left in the entire world.

"It is my understanding that you have written your own vows?"  
"Yes," Tobias says. He gives me a small smile and clears his throat.

"Tris. I have never met anyone like you, and I knew from that very first moment when we met on that ship, that you were someone worth knowing. I just never imagined that such a small, innocent moment would lead me to the happiest day of my life. That I would be lucky enough to get to love you forever.

"You saved me, Tris, in so many ways. You never gave up on me, and that means _so_ much, I don't even know how to properly put it into words. You treat me like I deserve to be treated. You love me like I deserve to be loved. You are my heart, and my soul.

"I promise to love you, through the bad times and the good. I promise to treat you with the respect you deserve. I promise to take care of you. I promise to be your rock as you are mine. But most of all, I promise that I will never, _ever_ hurt you.

"I will love you with every fiber of my being until the day that I die. And even after that I will continue to love you."

I think I started crying ten words in. I let out a little laugh as Christina takes my bouquet and hands me a tissue. I dab at my eyes to the chuckle of the crowd, and take the vows I wrote from Chris.

"Tobias, I was never sure if fate existed when I was younger, and as time went on, I was even less convinced when I lost my parents. It seemed so unfair to plan something like that. I couldn't believe that this was what life had in store for me. But then I met you, and everything changed. I have no doubt that Fate brought me to you that night, and I will _never_ be able to repay Fate for what my life has become.

"You love me like no one else ever could, and I can't wait to start our life together, as husband and wife. You and I might not have much of a family left, but together we have made one, and it is so much better than I could have ever imagined. Fate knew what she was doing that day.

"I promise to take care of you when you are sick, and to laugh at your silly jokes. I promise to love you with all of my heart, and to never take that love away, even if times get rough. You are worth loving, Tobias. You are worth fighting for. You are worthy of this life we have made."

I hand Christina the paper and smile up at Tobias. He nods, a soft smile on his face. I might not have been as eloquent as he was or memorized what I wanted to say, but I want him to know more than anything that he is everything to me, and he deserves this. He is no longer defined by his past, and it makes me prouder than I have ever been.

Tobias takes my ring from Zeke, and I take his from Christina.

"Do you Tobias, promise to love Beatrice, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death do you part?"  
"I do."  
"And do you Beatrice, promise to love Tobias, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death do you part?"  
"I do."  
"Then by the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Our friends and family cheer as Tobias and I wrap our arms around each other. We kiss, and that fire, that tingle, that energy erupts in me at every point of contact. I pull away, lips parted, trying to catch my breath.

"I am pleased to present to you, Tobias and Beatrice Eaton." Tobias grabs my hand, pulling it upwards in victory, and the two of us let out a laugh and a cheer as we look on at everyone who came to celebrate with us today.

"I love you," he says as he leads me down the aisle to our reception area.  
"I love you too."

 

* * *

 

 

**Tobias**

 

I'm fucking starving.

I was too nervous to eat more than a banana this morning, and since we came over here, it's been pictures and thank you's and making sure the caterers are doing their job and that Tris was able to escape for a minute and go to the bathroom.

I finally find her again, and we sit down at our table. I feel a little like royalty sitting up on this platform observing everyone. They eat and talk and generally look like they're having a good time. Thank god.

"Here," Zeke says as he plops a plate full of tiny sandwiches in between us. "Want anything to drink?"  
"Oh sweet jesus, thank you," Tris says as she takes a big bite of a sandwich. "I'll take whatever."  
"Already on it," Christina says, dropping two flutes of champagne and a bottle of water down in front of us. She gives us both a smile before she saunters back off to Will.

"You two are lifesavers," I say, taking a big bite of my own sandwich. Tris laughs as she wipes some mayo off my face.  
"Aww so cute. Get a room." Zeke grins before taking off.  
"Your friends," Tris says around mouthful of food.  
"Hey. They're yours too."  
"Yeah. They are." She winks at me, and it makes my heart beat a little harder.

After another round of photographs, Zeke makes his way to the large deck in the grass that's serving as our dance floor, and grabs a mic. Christina makes her way up too, and I just know I'm about to be embarrassed to hell. I shoot him a look, but that shit-eating grin is plastered on his face. Tris takes my hand and gives it a squeeze, and I squeeze back. Surprisingly, it's Christina who talks.

"I don't have anything funny or witty to say, but I did want to come up here to congratulate my best friend on finding one of the greatest guys on the planet. Tobias, you and I might give each other a hard time here and there, but I love you, and I'm so glad that Tris met you. I've spent the last few years taking care of her, but now that job is all yours, my friend. Love each other well, and often." She winks and a few of our friends whistle while others chuckle. I raise my glass to her and nod, and she does the same as Zeke takes the mic from her. _Shit_.

"Oh Tobias, Tobias, Tobias. Where do I even begin?" Zeke smiles and everyone laughs. It's going to be a miracle if he leaves here tonight alive. "You, my friend, are a stubborn ass. But you managed to find the one thing in the world that makes you less stubborn, and that makes me happy. You will _always_ be my brother, and I'm so glad to be able to officially call Tris my sister now." I look over at her, and see the love and appreciation in her eyes. She glances over at me, and gives a shy smile. It's so fucking adorable.

"So to Tris and Tobias. May you guys have a lifetime full of love. And lots and lots of sex." Uriah whoops as everyone raises their glasses. Tris looks like she wants to murder Zeke, but he smiles even wider, and she raises her glass. We drink to our toasts, and kiss and laugh as everyone cheers again.  
"Now get your asses on the dance floor so the rest of us can!" Christina yells into the mic, and I stand, holding out my hand for Tris. She takes it and I lead her to the dance floor.

Tori and Caleb follow us up; I take Caleb's extended hand and shake it. I think he finally doesn't think of me as the big bad guy who took his little sister away from him. He smiles and claps me on the shoulder before turning to Tris. Tori smiles and gives me a crazy bear hug.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispers in my ear. "I really am. I always knew you would have all of this one day."  
"Thanks," I say, rubbing the back of my neck when she lets go. I feel an elbow in my back and turn to see Tris and Caleb dancing. Oh, right. I take Tori's hand and lead her in a dance. There are so many things I want to say and thank Tori for, but there's one that is more important than the others. She deserves to hear it after all these years.

"I know you didn't date Marcus all that long, but you've always been there for me. I just wanted you to know that…you know…I do think of you as a mom. _My_ mom. So thank you, for being the parent I never had." Tori's eyes light up and she hugs me again.  
"You are so welcome." She kisses me on the cheek and tips her chin behind me. I turn to see Tris watching, smiling, as our song starts to play.

"Would you like to dance with me, Mr. Eaton?" she asks.  
"It would be my pleasure, Mrs. Eaton."

_And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways_  
_Maybe just the touch of a hand_  
_Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day  
_ _And I just wanna tell you I am_

Our friends join us now on the stage, and I smile as I watch Zeke scoop up Anna and pull Shauna closer, the three of them laughing and dancing together. I also spy Uriah pulling out a karaoke machine he had hidden behind the DJ. It fills me with so much pride that these people love us. That they chose us, too. As my eyes drift around, they eventually come to rest on Tris, and then it's just the two of us.

I have never seen her more beautiful than tonight. Her eyes are so full of life and love, and all of that is because of me. I never thought that I was capable of making someone this happy, of receiving their love in return, and I still have no idea how I got so lucky. But I thank the stars every day that she —quite literally— ran into my life. I could never have come this far without her.

I place my hand under her chin and tilt it up, kissing her. Her lips are soft and sweet and they fit perfectly against mine. I love that it still feels like time stops, like there isn't anything else in this world but her and I when we touch. That spark of electricity flows through me, and when I pull away, breathing heavy, her eyes open slowly as a smile breaks across her face.

"Don't ever stop doing that," she says.  
"Okay," I say.

I won't ever stop loving you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud
> 
> Three years, 10 months


	22. I DO, TOO

**Tobias**

 

I can't officially work in the counseling field until I graduate, but I have been volunteering to be a mentor to some of the children who come through the program I used to attend.

I still meet with Johanna on occasion. We have lunch sometimes and mostly just share stories of our past or what we're up to. She recently met a man named Jack, and they really seem to be hitting it off. She never dated much. I don't really blame her; I imagine it's hard to trust again after someone you loved tried to kill you. But I've met Jack and I see that look in his eye. He's absolutely smitten with her. She's reluctant to admit it, but I think she's beginning to feel the same way. I'm happy for her.

I trust Johanna enough to know that she will always be there for me if I need her, which is why I decided to share my mothers journal with her. She kept it for a few weeks, trying to make heads or tails of it like Tris and I have, but she too could not pinpoint what it was that made Marcus turn into the asshole that he is. I suppose that's a question for him to answer, not that he'll ever get the chance. He'd deny he did any of it until the day he dies anyway.

The last kid I was paired with was placed into a foster home that's too far away to comfortably travel to the center, so I won't be his mentor anymore. But yesterday I was informed that I'll be paired with someone new. As I sit at my table, filling out some paperwork, a small girl grabs my attention. Her eyes are wide and filled with curiosity as she looks around. I've never seen her before, so this could be it. I stand and make my way over to Judy, the leader of this class and the mentoring program.

"Oh good. Tobias, this is Megan," she says as she hands me her file. "Megan, this is Tobias. He's going to be your buddy. Is that okay?" She looks up at me through her long eyelashes and nods.  
"Hey, Megan. Why don't we sit at that table over there and get started." She follows me and sits down in the kid sized chair opposite me. "Can you give me just a second to look this over?" She nods again.

I glance through her file and nearly fall out of my seat. The list of times she's been in the hospital —broken bones, cuts, burns— is _staggering_. And this is coming from me.

"What grade are you in?" I ask her.  
"First," she answers quietly.

_Jesus._

"Megan, do you have any questions for me?" She looks at me for a long moment and shakes her head. "Okay. Do you feel like talking?" Again, she shakes her head. She seems nervous now and looks like she might be fighting off tears.

"Hey, it's okay. You can cry here. You can cry in front of me." I smile at her. At first she fights it, but the first one falls, and she ends up unleashing a torrent of tears. My heart aches as I watch them stream down her cheeks, her little face contorting in pain. She's so small, even for six years old. I reach across the table and offer my hand to her. I'm surprised how firm her grip is when she takes it. "I grew up like you, you know. I understand better than most people. Do you think you'd like to listen to my story?" She wipes her face and nods.

"My mother died when I was a few years older than you. It wasn't anything that could be stopped. She just got really sick and didn't wake up one morning." I know some kids her age understand what cancer is, but I don't want to burden her with the specifics of it right now.

"Before that, I would see my dad hit her sometimes. I would try to get in between them and stop it, but then he would hit me too. After she died, my dad focused all of his anger on me. He would lock me in a closet when he thought I was being bad, with no food or water and no bathroom all day long. If I had an accident, he would hit me for that, too.

"Other times he would just hit me with his fists for no reason. Eventually I got older and bigger —bigger than him, even— and he started using his belt on me. He would hit me so hard sometimes that I couldn't wear a shirt because it hurt too much. I still have a few scars because of it."

She's stopped crying now, and the look on her face is one I know I've had many times before. It's the look of concern. This small, abused child is concerned for _me_.

"What happened to your dad?" she asks softly.  
"Nothing. I wasn't brave like you. I kept the secrets to myself and just learned to hide it and tried deal with it alone. But then I met a girl and I fell in love with her. She helped me. She was able to show me that I didn't _have_ to live like that, and that I didn't have to do it all alone. So I walked away from my dad, and I haven't talked to him since. I know it's easier for me, because I'm an adult, but I promise you that you can do it too. You don't deserve this, just like I didn't. You can find a family who loves you and treats you with respect." Her eyes well up again, and her little lip starts to quiver. Shit. Did I say something wrong?

"What if I don't?" she squeaks out.  
"Find someone? A family?" She nods, the tears coming again.  
"Oh, Megan. You will. I _promise_ you will. Me, and Miss Judy and the other adults here. We've all been through the same thing. We will never let you go _anywhere_ that you won't be loved. The most important thing you need to remember though, is you need to love yourself. This is not your fault, so don't ever, _ever_ , take the blame." She nods again and sniffles, and it makes me smile. I hand her a tissue so she can blow her nose.

"Do you want to share now?" I ask, testing the waters.  
"Okay." She stands and drags her chair around the table, sitting right next to me. This is definitely a first, and I chuckle as she gets herself situated.

"My mom hurts me. My daddy left us when I was littler. They would fight. A lot. He would hit her, just like your daddy did. She told me that it was all my fault that daddy left and that she didn't love me anymore. I broke my leg but I don't 'member how. But I 'member she was mad. And then when I got this," she lifts her arm and shows me a large scar on her forearm, "She was mad then too. Mama said it was my fault because I was too stupid to know that I shouldn't touch things on the stove. I 'member that it hurt all night, and mama didn't want to take me to the doctor because I was stupid." She stops now, like she's lost in a memory, and I find myself getting angry at the things she's saying. Who allows a small child to suffer with a serious burn all night long? _Well_ …

"Hey, Megan?" I say, interrupting her thoughts. "Would you like to go and do something fun?" Her eyes are uncertain, but she nods her head slowly. "Okay. Wait here for just a minute." I search the room for Judy and get her attention as I walk over to her.

"Have you read her file?" I ask. I know just from the look on her face that she has.  
"It's why I picked you," she says. "You two have a lot in common." I didn't realize she had purposely picked me.  
"Oh," I say. "Well, thank you, I think? Anyways, listen, do you think I could take her to the park and get an ice cream. I'm almost willing to bet she's never had anyone take her to do something like that." She cranes her neck and looks at the clock.  
"Sure. Just have her back in an hour. Social services is stopping by for another meeting."  
"Not a problem."

I grab a booster seat on my way out and make sure she is buckled safely into it before we drive the few miles down the road to the nearest ice cream shop. Her eyes light up when she sees where we are, but she doesn't say anything.

"Do you like ice cream?" She nods vigorously. "Okay," I chuckle. "Let's go get you some then." She undoes her seatbelt and and patiently waits for me to come around and open the door for her.

She takes her time looking over the different flavors, and when the guy behind the counter asks her if she wants a sample, she looks at me with wide eyes.

"You can try one, if you're not sure."  
"That one," she says, pointing to the pink one — strawberry. She smiles when I take the little plastic sample spoon and hand it to her.

"I want this one," she says, licking it clean.  
"Okay. You want it in a cone or a cup?" Her eyes get wide again, and now I'm certain nobody has ever given her a choice about anything.  
"Is a cone okay?"  
"A cone is fine." I tell the guy to make it two orders and pay. The park is just a few blocks away, so I buckle her in and tell her to hold onto them tightly while I drive.

When we arrive, I hear her whimper, and look back to see tears running down her face.

"Hey. What is it? What's wrong?"  
"It spilled," she says. She looks at her hand, which has a little melted ice cream on it.  
"That's it? That's nothing. That's why they invented napkins." I smile and hop out of the car, running around to the back to take the cone from her and wipe her hand. "Now come on. We have some ice cream to eat."

We sit on a bench near the playground and eat our cones. She's messy and devours it like every other kid her age. When she's done wiping her hands and face, I catch her eyeballing the rest of mine, and offer it to her. She hesitates for just a moment and takes it, greedily eating the tail end of my cone. She watches the other kids play for a moment; I nudge her and tell her to have a good time.

She climbs and runs and slides like she's testing everything out for the first time, but when she reaches the swings, she stands there, staring. I get up and walk over to her.

"Do you know how to do it?" She shakes her head. "That's okay. I'll teach you." I lift her up, setting her down in the seat and help her grip onto the chains tight. I pull the swing back and let go, and for the first time, I hear her laugh. It's light and carefree and it makes my heart beat faster.

I tell her when to pump her legs in and out, and before I know it, she's doing it on her own. I'm enjoying watching her have fun and learn something new, when it dawns on me that _I_ taught her this. I'm doing something a parent would do.

I panic for just a moment, not just for that realization, but because she looks enough like me with her long dark hair and her olive skin to actually pass for my child. She flashes a beaming smile at me as she glides by, and I relax. _I_ put that smile on her face. I feel that warm feeling spread throughout me; I'm so glad that I got the opportunity to do this for her. I smile back, and check my watch.

"I hate to be a party pooper, but we have to get going. You have a meeting to get to." She throws me a quick pouty face, but hops off the swing as soon as it slows.

We get back just in time. Judy motions for Megan to follow her, but she hesitates, hovering just behind me.

"Hey. You okay?" I ask. She nods. "Go with Miss Judy then. You don't want to be late to your very important meeting. I won't be here tomorrow, but I will be the day after." I look up at Judy who nods. "So I'll see you then. Be good." She reaches both her little hands out and grabs one of mine, squeezing it tight.  
"Bye, Tobias." She takes off towards Judy, who just raises her eyebrows at me. I shrug and watch the two of them walk down the hallway until they disappear.

 

* * *

 

 

After a nice dinner with Tris, we get ready for bed. I spent the rest of my day —and most of the evening— thinking about Megan and the paperwork I filed when I first signed on to be a mentor. I'd never given it much thought before now, but with Megan, it's kind of hard to ignore.

"Hey," I say while she's brushing her teeth. "I got a new kid today."  
"Oh? Is that why you've been so quiet?"  
"Yeah. She almost makes my childhood look like a walk in the park." Tris stops what she's doing and turns to face me.

"I just…I feel like I'm her mentor for a reason. I mean, she went from crying and not talking, to having ice cream with me and holding my hand." Tris smiles at this.  
"So what's this really about?" she asks when I don't continue.  
"Honestly? I'm not sure. I just…feel something, you know?" She nods, still waiting for me to elaborate. But the thing is, I'm not sure what all these feelings running through me mean. I shrug and shove my toothbrush in my mouth.

It's only when Tris opens the medicine cabinet that I fully understand. She takes out the little compact, and I reach out and take it before she can even open it.

"Tobias," she says, looking at me in confusion. "What has gotten into you?"  
"I fink id ime."  
"What?" she says, giggling. I take the toothbrush out of my mouth and spit.  
"I said, I think it's time." Her eyes flick back and forth between me and the pack of birth control pills.

"Are you sure?" she asks quietly.  
"Yes. No. I don't know. I'm scared as hell, but I…I want this."  
"You do?" she says, a smile creeping onto her face.  
"Yeah, I do."  
"I do, too."

 

* * *

 

 

"Where's Megan?" I ask Judy when she hasn't shown up for our normal meeting time. She has made tremendous progress in the months that we've been together, and I was looking forward to taking her out to lunch today.  
"She's…her foster family decided that they weren't a good match. All she did lately was cry and she refused to talk to them anymore." Judy watches me carefully, trying to judge my reaction. What I'd like to do is go to that family and smack all of them, but I keep my cool.

"So where is she?"  
"She was placed into a group setting last night." I run my hand through my hair. I was afraid that they would have given her back to her mother. I know they've been trying to start the process of stripping away all her rights, but it's happened in situations like this before, with disastrous consequences. "They're just waiting on a new family. Right now they can't seem to find a good match for her."  
"Me," I say without hesitation. "I already filed the paperwork when I first started."

Judy stands there, silent for a long time. I already know the man she called daddy is a non-option. The mother doesn't know who Megan's real father is, and the rest of her family is estranged or just as fucked up as she is. There is no way in hell I'm letting Megan be put back into any situation like that. I don't know what is coming over me lately, but I _have_ to make sure she is safe, and I can do that if she's with me.

"I know. Everyone does it. Do you think it's a good match?"  
"You know it is. You put us together yourself." She eyes me for a moment before pulling out her phone.  
"Well then, I suggest you let your wife know." I smile so wide it hurts, and and run back to my desk to call Tris.

When I first started mentoring, I filled out paperwork to become a foster parent. It's mostly for emergency circumstances when we have run out of families to place children with that aren't really able to be placed in any sort of group setting. It's temporary until the child can be placed somewhere that's best for them. I never imagined I would have to use it, but now I'm happier than ever to put it to good use.

When we pull up to the house, Tris is waiting on the porch. She was more than receptive to the idea when we discussed it the other day, and Megan seemed to be too. Judy told me to take a couple weeks off, and Tori let me take vacation even on such short notice. I want to make sure Megan can acclimate with no problems. I only have school a few hours a day, so Tris arranged her schedule with the University to be home when I couldn't. Luckily she works with a good team, and her lead supervisor was more than understanding. She even arranged for Tris to bring home some of the research they're working on to show Megan, which right now involves a 3-D printer and a new way to make a better, faster healing cast. I think Megan will love it.

"This is where you live?" she asks.  
"It is," I say, looking back at her. "And that's Tris, my wife." I wave, and Tris waves back. "She's really nice. I think you'll like her." She's quiet for a moment.

"Is that who helped you?" She still hasn't moved to take her seatbelt off, and her eyes have been glued to Tris the entire time.  
"It is."  
"Okay."

That seemed to be enough for her to feel comfortable. She unbuckles and waits for me to grab her bag and come around to let her out. I reach out for her, and as we walk up to my house hand in hand, every range of emotion —from excitement to nervousness to happiness— courses through me.

I show Megan to her room, and Tris and I help her decide where to put her things. She's still a bit hesitant, but overall she seems to be doing fine.

"Is there anything special you would like for dinner?" Tris asks. Megan looks like she's never been asked a question like that before.  
"I like macaroni and cheese."  
"Mac and cheese it is, then." Tris winks at me and leaves the two of us alone. I sit on the floor, patting the spot next to me. Megan sits.

"I just want you to know that you can ask me or Tris anything, okay? Don't be afraid, we're not going to be upset if you have questions or anything like that. It's as new to us as it is to you." She nods her head. "Do you have anything you want to ask me now?"  
"Do you have a kid?" She stares up at me, and I don't know what to make of this question.

"No, not yet. Tris and I are actually trying to have a baby right now."  
"Oh." Her little face deflates.  
"Hey. Talk to me. Tell me why you wanted to know that." She stares off for a few moments before speaking up.  
"The other house I was at, I heard the lady say that she wanted her own baby, not someone else's." _Oh_.

"Well, some people can't have kids, so they foster or adopt one. And some people can have kids, but they still foster or adopt because they love them so much. But sometimes, those people who can't have kids? They're just really sad that they can't. They think they're not a real parent, but that's just not true. I don't think she meant to hurt you by saying that." I make a mental note to bring this up when I get back.

She crawls into my lap as soon as I stop talking and wraps her little arms around my neck. I hesitate a moment, but when I hear her sniffle, I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into me.

"It's okay, Megan. You're safe here," I whisper into her hair. I rest my cheek on top of her little head and squeeze tighter, willing her to know that. We sit there for a while, not talking. Her little fingers play with the buttons on my shirt, but she manages to keep one arm wrapped around me at all times.

I hear Tris' footsteps and look up to see her standing in the doorway. She watches the two of us, a small smile on her face. It doesn't take long for tears to form in her eyes, and I can feel them starting in mine too.

"Tobias?" Her voice is quiet as she settles back into me, nuzzling her cheek into my chest.  
"Yeah, Megan?"  
"I want you to be my family."

I see Tris move a hand up to her chest and touch the necklace that rests under her shirt, the smile on her face widening. She looks so full of love standing there, and my heart feels so full of love looking at her, Megan in my lap. She's always been my rock; my true north. With a small nod of her head, the emotions and the words I've been wanting to say come tumbling out.

"I want you to be my family, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Greg Holden - The Lost Boy (Such a great song if you've never heard it.)
> 
> Four years, 7 months
> 
> Not gonna lie, I cried writing this. And every time I opened it up to edit it. And just now giving it one last look.
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and favorites. You guys are awesome. Only two chapters left.


	23. SURPRISE

**Tobias**

 

Megan sits on my lap, flipping through the photo album from the cruise like she often does. She likes to look at all the pictures and hear the story behind how Tris and I met and fell in love. Sometimes she'll even point to the picture of me and Zeke after we finished our last car rebuild, or the picture of Tris and I on our honeymoon in Hawaii and ask about them too. She even asks about the family portrait of the three of us that hangs on the wall. I always laugh and remind her that she was in fact there for the family portrait, and the picture is proof of that. But when she smiles sweetly and tells me that she likes it better when I tell her about things, my heart gives a little leap. I'll gladly entertain her with all sorts of stories.

I still can't believe she's only six. But I guess growing up the way we did, there wasn't much room for innocence. She is wise beyond her years.

"You're birthday's coming up soon," I say, catching her attention. "Any ideas what you would like to do?"  
"Do?"  
"You know. Do you want to have a party here or maybe at the park. Or maybe even at Buzz-E's Pizza Circus?" I internally cringe at the last one. We've taken her there a few times for horrible cardboard pizza and cheesy token games. She loves it, even though it's completely awful.  
"I…I don't know." She looks up at me with those big, brown eyes, and for probably the millionth time, I'm reminded that she probably never had a choice of what to do, if she had parties at all. Even I had parties.

"Have you ever had a birthday party?" She nods. "Okay. Well, what were they like?"  
"Some people would come over, and we would eat cake and I would get a present." Well, she's had at least some semblance of a normal birthday.  
"So what are you worried about?" She gives me a tiny smile.  
"The park," she says, matter-of-factly.  
"Okay. The park it is."

That night after dinner, I'm changing shirts after spilling sauce on myself, when I hear footsteps. I turn to see Megan, wide-eyed in the doorway. I can tell she is staring at what she can see of my tattoo, and I panic for just a second. I'm honestly not sure what to say or what to do, so I turn back around. She's going to see it eventually at some point.

I hear her creep closer, and close my eyes when her little finger touches the tree on my lower back.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo." Somehow it makes me feel guilty for never sharing this with her. I wanted to tell her when Tris told her all about her ravens, but I didn't want to lay something so heavy on her after hearing about how she'll never meet Tris' parents. I pat the bed as I sit, and she hops up. I take a deep breath as I look at her little face, and let it out slowly.

"I didn't tell you, because it's a bit of a long story, and one that's kind of sad for me." She searches my face for a moment before finding my eyes.  
"Sad like Tris?" I nod my head. She leans over and gives me a big hug. "You should get happy tattoos."

From the mouths of babes.

Tris and I spend the rest of the evening explaining to her all about Marcus and Evelyn, and sharing the story of my tattoos. She is quiet for the whole thing, only nodding whenever we ask her if she's okay. Tris also shares her Saturn tattoo, and that makes Megan smile. Apparently, that's her favorite planet 'because it has lots of rings', and I can't help but smile at that. Tris also promises to break out the telescope so they can look at Saturn this weekend when the weather clears up. I love it when my girls find more things in common.

"Thank you," I say to Tris as we climb in bed. "It was a lot easier to do that with you helping out."  
"She's a curious one, isn't she?" Tris says, smiling. "Sometimes I forget why she's here. She's always so happy."  
"Speaking of happy, she said we should get happy tattoos. I think I like that idea. What do you say?"  
"Another tattoo?" She ponders the idea for a moment. "I could go for that."

"You know what else I could go for?" I say, smiling at her. She raises an eyebrow at me.  
"No, but I think I can figure it out." She reaches down in between us and trails her fingers along my cock; it twitches in my sweats.  
"I was just thinking about ice cream in bed," I say. "But if you want…" She giggles and pulls me closer to her, kissing me softly on my forehead.  
"I didn't know ice cream turned you on."  
"Well, it was what I was licking it off of that turned me on." I swear I can see her eyes glaze over in a cloud of lust, even in the low light.

She tosses the blanket up, ducking under it quickly. I freeze when her mouth lands on me with just a thin strip of cotton between us. She's kissing every last inch of me, and I ache to have her rip my pants off and wrap her mouth around me.

I pull the covers away to see her bright eyes looking up at me, and grin. She smiles a sly little smile, and _holy fuck.  
_ "Come here," I whisper, but she just shakes her head and hooks her fingers in my waistband. I lift up slightly; she drags them down so slow, I swear she's trying kill me.

"Tris," I whisper again. She reaches up with a single finger, and rests is across my lips, effectively silencing me. She gives me one last smile, and I involuntarily close my eyes as her mouth closes around me.

I feel her pull away, and reposition herself to be more comfortable before taking me in again. I open my eyes to see her ass in the air, head bobbing up and down, and grin again. I reach out a give her ass a squeeze, feeling a hum in response. She graciously spreads her legs, allowing me access. I rub the outside of her underwear, noticing how easily they glide back and forth already, and she hums again.

I slide a finger underneath her panties, and run it along her, taking in how wet she already is. I swear I'm practically salivating. I'm _definitely_ dying to get her in my mouth.

"Hey," I say, getting her attention. "Panties off."  
"Yes, sir," she smirks. She sits up on her knees, and hooks her thumbs, slowly dragging them down the way she did my pants. My eyes never leave them as she pulls one leg out, then the other. When she goes to resume her previous position, I sit up and stop her.  
"My turn," I say as I pull my old shirt she likes to sleep in over her head.

I take in her naked body, and drag my eyes up to hers. I love that look in her eye — the one that says she'd like nothing more than to devour me. I imagine I have the same look. She leans forward and kisses me, and I pull her up, and up and up as I lay down, until she's straddling my chest. She raises her eyebrows at me, and I smile as I hook my arms underneath her legs and pull her forward until she's sitting on my face.

I run my tongue up and down every last inch of her, tasting how sweet she is. I look up to see her holding onto the headboard, eyes closed already. _Good_.

When I finally focus on her favorite spot, she lets out a soft moan, and moves in synch with me.

She is so perfect, and so fucking _hot_ in this moment. I hold on tight when I know she getting close, slowing my rhythm, forcing her to grind on me to reach her peak. Her thighs squeeze my head, and I hold on tight, not wanting to let go. She pants hard as I lick her one last time, sending her squirming to get away from me.

"Sensitive," she says, giggling as I scoot out from under her. She stays on her knees, resting against the headboard. I kiss one shoulder, then the other, before moving her hair to one side and gently nibbling on her neck. She looks over her shoulder at me as she raises up, and now I'm raising my eyebrows at her.

"Closer," she whispers. I waste no time doing what she asked. She starts to lower herself, and I help guide her, letting out my own hum as she lowers herself onto me.

She moves up and down, slowly, looking over her shoulder every now and then. I swear it's not possible, but I get even harder when I see that glint in her eye — the one that promises love and hope and forever. She takes her time, alternating between grinding and bouncing up and down, and Im loving every last second of it.

She lets me take over when she knows I'm getting close. I pull her away from the headboard a little bit, and she bends over on all fours. _Fuck_.

I grip her hips tightly, watching as I thrust in and out of her. Even in this low light, my dick is practically a mirror she's so wet. I reach between her legs and rub her clit; her hands dig into the pillows. I see her pull one up to her face, masking the noises she makes as she comes. Feeling her flutter around me, knowing that I do this to her, is so fucking amazing. I close my mouth, muffling my own grunts as I come too.

"Fuck, I love you," I say as we settle back into bed, both trying to catch our breath. She pulls her legs up as she lies on her back, and I scrunch my eyebrows at her.  
"They say it can help with conception." I smile and roll over, kissing her on the cheek. I wiggle my hand in between her legs and her abdomen, and hold it there.  
"Go. Be free and do your job," I say, grinning. Tris snorts and shakes her head.

 

* * *

 

"Why won't you tell me what the surprise is?" Tris asks as we get in the car. Zeke and Shauna brought Anna over to babysit for a few hours, allowing us an evening of freedom. I just smile at her, enjoying the torment it's causing. I swear I can actually _see_ the cogs turning in that brain of hers as she stares off.

I did so much research over the past week; tattoo artists, designs, ideas. Hell, I even consulted Wikipedia. In the end I called Tori and told her my idea, and she told me to go and see Bud, her tattoo guy. That was good enough for me.

We pull into the generic strip mall and I park a few doors down in front of a thrift shop. Tris eyes it for a moment before getting out. When she reaches for the door, I stop her, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and leading her towards the tattoo parlor. I stop in front of the door and she eyes me for a second before reaching out a pulling the door open.

The familiar buzz instantly floods my ears; it is a welcome sound. I never cared about getting another tattoo until Megan brought it up, and now I can't wait to do this.

"You must be Tobias," an older guy with a bald head and plenty of tattoos says. "I'm Bud."  
"I am," I say, shaking his hand when he offers it to me. "And this is my wife, Tris."  
"Hello," she says, shaking his hand as well.

"So, what can I do for you?" He poses the question to Tris, and it surprises me. When I called and made the appointment, I had told him there was a possibility of us both getting inked, but for sure it was going to be just me. I smile as she chews on her lip, thinking.  
"I guess that depends on what he's getting," she says, motioning to me. Bud looks over, a small smile on his lips. He already knows.  
"Sorry. That's classified," I say. She huffs and Bud lets out a hearty laugh. I like this guy.

"I'll tell you what. How about I get started on your husband, while you think about it. No pressure if you can't come up with anything. I can always set another appointment." Tris smiles and nods, taking a seat in one of the chairs in the front of the shop. I wink at her just before I turn and follow Bud to his station.

He pulls out a laptop and opens up a program, turning it to me when it's loaded. It's just my tattoo design over and over again, in different fonts. He stands aside as I scroll through.

"These are the ones that tend to look the cleanest," he says. "So whichever one you like." I nod, and after scrolling back and forth a few times I pick one. He prints it out before creating a stencil.

I take off my shirt when he comes back, and he holds it up to my chest. I can see his eyes flitting over to the few places where my tattoo is visible.

"Would you like to see it?" I offer. His eyes have changed; there's a small amount of sadness in them now, and I have a feeling Tori has talked about me with him. He nods slowly, and I turn around.

He is silent for a long time, before muttering a single " _Damn"_. I turn back around; he holds his hand out, and I shake it again. "It's better than I imagined." I smile as he rubs the stencil on me, transferring the design.

The pain is exactly how I remember it; scratching, digging, burning, but tolerable. I close my eyes and let the steady buzz lull me.

"All good," Bud says as he wipes away the excess ink. I stand and stretch out. He points to a mirror in the corner of his station, and I walk to it, taking in the sight in front of me.

"Shit," I mutter. "It looks amazing."  
"Glad to know you had faith in me." Bud winks and rubs on ointment before bandaging it. He hands me an aftercare sheet after I put my shirt back on, and we both head  
back out to Tris.  
"Did you make a decision?" he asks. She looks me up and down for a moment before focusing on him.  
"I did. I will be getting a tattoo from you today."  
"Well then. Ladies first." I smile as Tris gets up and heads towards Bud's station.

It feels like hardly any time passes before she's back, a bandage on her wrist and an aftercare sheet in her hand. She raises an eyebrow at me, and I raise one back, before paying Bud. He shakes our hands one more time and holds the door open as we leave.

She doesn't say much on the ride home. I'm dying to know what she got, but I can't expect her to tell me when I won't tell her. I guess I'll just have to wait through the agony of not knowing.

We visit with Zeke and Shauna while the kids play. It's such an easy night that I almost forget we even went out in the first place. After they leave and we get Megan into bed, Tris looks at me expectantly.  
"Alright, alright," I say. "I'll go first."

I pull my shirt off, and she eyes the large bandage on my chest near my heart. I pull at the tape, loosening it. Her mouth hangs open, silent, after I remove it.

"Six, right?" she says, confused. I look down at the roman numerals near my heart and nod.  
"It's sort of a two-fold tattoo," I start. "For both you and Megan." She scrunches her eyebrows as I continue.

"The best thing about you Tris, is the way that you love. You love me and you love Megan unequivocally, but the first time I realized just how much love you were capable of giving was when you showed me your tattoo, the one for your dad. I wanted a way to connect all that love to me and to you and to your parents, even though I never met them, and I just sorta felt like Saturn was the way to do it.

"It's different for me, though. Sure, over the years we pull out the telescope, but that will always be you something that you and your dad did, and I didn't feel it was right to take that away from you. So this is my way of representing how we're all connected. Saturn is the sixth planet, so six." She has tears in her eyes, but she's smiling so widely, I can't help but smile too.

"And Megan?" she says, her voice thick.  
"Megan was six when she came into our lives. Six for you, and six for Megan." She steps forward and wraps her arms around me. I pull her into me as tight as I can, never wanting to let go.

"She's going to love it, you know. Your happy tattoo."  
"I know," I say. "Okay. Your turn."

She wipes an eye and pulls the bandage off. Now it's my turn to stand there, mouth open. She has a roman numeral four on her wrist.

"I know that you aren't 'Four' anymore, but it's still a huge part of your life, and that's who you were when we met. It's who I fell in love with. I wanted it to remind us both just how far you have come."

I don't know what to say.

"Did you know? Did Bud tell you?" I ask when I'm finally able to form coherent thoughts.  
"No," she says, a little laugh escaping. "I had no idea, but now it makes sense why he was smiling like crazy."

"Holy shit," I say, laughing now.  
"Holy shit," she says, smiling. "It's almost like we know each other."  
"Yeah. Almost."

I kiss her again, and look into her eyes when I pull away. She smiles sweetly, and I'm sure it won't be the last time in my life that I'll wonder just how in the hell I got so lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Audra Mae and The Forest Rangers - Never My Love
> 
> 5 years


	24. COMPLETE

**Tobias**

 

I never thought I would thank Marcus for the life I have now. All of the abuse, the pain, the betrayal I lived through over the years, I believed all of it would be my destruction. Instead it turned me into exactly what my mother said I was; a fighter.

I've always been a fighter. I just never realized it.

I look over at Tris' sleeping face, a small smile on it from whatever dream she's having, and smile too. I would never be here without her, either. Her love and support have been unyielding over the years, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to truly express to her just how thankful I am to have her in my life. Or how much I love her. I'm not sure if I believe in a God, but the two women in my life make me think about it often; it feels as if they were made just for me.

I look down in between the two of us and place a light kiss on top of Megan's head. She normally doesn't sleep with us, but she had a bad dream last night, and I'm a total pushover when it comes to her. Besides, it took me _years_ to find a way to get over my demons, I don't expect her to get over hers instantly. I'm just glad we're both here to help her.

As of last week, she is officially an Eaton, and Marcus was instrumental in that. It would have taken us a long time to save up the money required to officially adopt her. Longer than we wanted to wait. But a lawyer showed up at the door, informing me that my father was dead. I told him that I knew that already — the headlines all over the news informed me that he died of a heart attack in a hotel room with a prostitute. Classy. What they didn't inform me of was that even after all this time, he never removed me from his will. I was the sole beneficiary to the Eaton name.

We put some of it in a trust for Megan to go to college, and used the rest to start a nonprofit — The Eaton-Johnson Organization. We work closely with Johanna, using our resources to help children and spouses who are abused by finding them temporary housing, and providing basic necessities and counseling to help get them out of their current situation and into a safer one. Caleb also finished his residency when he moved back to the States. He is one of our on-call doctors if someone comes to us in the middle of the night, while Tori handles all of our PR. When Marcus' house sells, we'll create another trust and put some of it away for Tris and I to retire on.

"What are you thinking about," I hear Tris whisper.  
"Everything," I say, looking up at her. She smiles and rolls on her back, her little bump silhouetted against the morning sun.  
"I swear, I'm barely four months and I already have to pee like crazy. I hate to see what happens when I'm further along." I chuckle as she gets up and goes to the bathroom.

"What do you think about getting a dog?" I ask when she crawls back into bed.  
"Tobias," she huffs, "I don't know."  
"Hear me out," I say. "It would be for Megan. And it would be her…"  
"Her Megan?" Tris finishes for me.

While Tris, and even Tori and our friends have been instrumental in helping me come to terms with and moving past everything, Megan has been so much more. I didn't know how much I needed her until she was already a part of my life. She was that final piece of the puzzle. She showed me just how important I could be, and how important that love that I never received from my father is. I give her that love every day.

I — _we_ — love her as if she were our own.

"Yes," I say quietly. Tris smiles and reaches her hand out, resting it against my face.  
"Why don't we go to the shelter? See if there's a dog there that needs her love." She never ceases to amaze me. I feel Megan stir, and watch as her little eyes flutter for a moment, and then open.

"Hey, baby," Tris says.  
"Morning, mommy," she says, smiling. I lean down and kiss her forehead. "Morning, daddy."  
"Good morning, Megan." I say. "We have a surprise for you." Her beaming smile fills the room with even more light. I look at the clock to see that it's already past nine. "Go get dressed and we'll go out to breakfast too."  
"Okay!" She bounds out of bed, and I hear her run down the hall. When I hear her run back, I roll over and am bombarded by kisses to my forehead and cheek. She smiles again before running back down the hall, and my heart soars.

"You're never gonna get sick of that, are you?" Tris asks.  
"Never," I say, sitting up to give her a kiss too.

 

* * *

 

"Tobias. Tobias!" I crack my eye to see a frazzled looking Tris leaning over me.  
"What? What is it?" I say, sitting up and looking at the clock. It's just after three in the morning. "Is everything okay?"  
"Well, either I pissed myself —which is totally possible— or my water just broke."

My heart slams against my chest as I fly out of bed, ripping the covers off of her. I can't see a damn thing, so I stalk across the room and flip the light switch. I squint, and Tris raises a hand to shield her eyes. I look at the large wet circle on the bed. She's right. Her water broke.

"Oh shit," I say. The baby isn't due for another three weeks. "I'll call the hospital. You okay to clean up and change or whatever?"  
"Yeah, yeah. Go." She shoos me away and I race down the hallway, pulling the card off the fridge and dialing the number listed on it. As it rings, I stare at the family portrait Megan drew of us that hangs on the fridge. She's gonna have to draw a new one.

"Are you having contractions?" I ask as I walk back in the room.  
"No."  
"No," I repeat to the nurse on the phone. "Okay. See you soon." I hang up and see Tris raise her eyebrows. "Your water broke, so we gotta go." She nods and begins grabbing the bags we had packed already. I call Zeke, apologizing for calling so early, and get promptly yelled at to bring Megan over.

"I'll go get Megan," I say. "You okay?"  
"Yeah. Freaking out a little bit, but yeah." She laughs nervously, and I walk to her, wrapping my arms around her.  
"You got this, mama," I whisper in her ear. "I love you so much, and I know you can do this. I'll be with you every step of the way." I feel her nod and pull away, her eyes wet. I kiss her softly, smiling afterwards.  
"Go," she says, smiling too.

I wake Megan and explain to her that it's time for the baby. She wakes up at that, and throws her arms around my neck, bounding out of her bed afterwards to get the bag that she wanted to pack too. I tell her to stay in her jammies, since she's just going to Uncle Zeke's until it's time for her to come and see the baby.

"How long will it take?" she asks as we walk down the hallway. She reaches out and takes Tris' hand, and I see Tris smile.  
"We don't know," I answer truthfully. "It could take a couple of hours, or it could take a whole day."  
"A whole day?" Her mouth hangs open.  
"Tell me about it," Tris says, laughing. "Let's hope it doesn't take that long."

By the time we make it to the hospital and get situated in a room, Tris is beginning to have contractions. The nurse examines her; she's already dilated to three. If she keeps the same pace she could be pushing within a few hours. Tris looks relieved, yet there's still a hint of panic in her eyes. I don't blame her. I saw the same videos in the childbirth classes we took and I am not envious of her in the slightest.

I hold her hand as we pass the time talking about nothing in particular, until she starts to look more and more uncomfortable with each contraction. I call for the nurse even though she doesn't want me to, and she checks her again.

"Well, you're just about a six now," she says. "Still time for that epidural if you want it." Tris bites her lip and looks up at me.  
"Don't go through the pain," I say. "I know what you wanted, but I don't want you to be in pain either." I rub my thumb in a small circle on her hand, doing my best to comfort her in any way I can.  
"Okay," she says. The nurse tells us to hang tight while she hunts down the anesthesiologist.  
"You're almost there," I whisper, kissing her forehead.

She's able to sleep a little once she gets the injection, and I run down to the cafeteria and grab a muffin to help keep me going. I doze a little afterwards, but wake to my named being called.

"I think I need the doctor," she says, her eyes wider than I've ever seen them. I nod and get the nurse, who checks her again.

"Well, Miss Tris. It's time to start pushing." Her face is hard to read, so I take her hand and squeeze it while the nurse pulls in an assistant who calls the doctor while she preps.  
"Okay. When you feel the need to push, do it, hold for ten seconds, and then rest." Tris nods her head, and squeezes my hand back as she takes a deep breath and pushes.

It takes just over an hour, but as I hold one leg and a nurse holds the other, my son makes his entrance into the world. I watch with wide eyes as the doctor suctions his nose and mouth. When I hear his little cry, the world goes blurry. I look to Tris, and blink the tears away to see she's crying too. I lean forward, kissing her with everything I have.

"You did it," I say, so full of love and pride.  
"Dad? Care to do the honors?" I wipe my eyes and nod, taking the scissors and cutting the umbilical cord.

I watch closely as a nurse takes him to a little table across the room and starts rubbing him down. He cries more and more with each rub. I don't like it.  
"Go," I hear Tris say, and I look to see her smile. "Go," she says again, motioning to our boy with her head. "I'm fine."

I walk over and watch, counting fingers and toes as the nurse weighs and measures him, scrubbing him clean afterwards. She puts a tiny diaper on, a little shirt, and a beanie before wrapping him up so tight I swear he must be suffocating. But he quiets down, and the nurse smiles as she hands him to me. I stare down at this tiny little human, this tiny thing that Tris and I created, and I am filled with so much love it almost hurts.

I hold him close as the doctor finishes up with Tris, kissing him every chance I get. When she's finally ready, I reluctantly hand him over to her to nurse.

"Why don't you call everyone and let them know?" she says. "And then take a minute and rest."  
"Rest? You did all the hard work." She smiles at me and looks down at our little boy. Even though Tris looks like she just survived a war, I've never seen a more beautiful sight in the whole world.

I'm sitting with the baby and Tris is sleeping when Zeke comes in the room.  
"Hey, man," he says quietly, placing a hand on my shoulder. "How's Tris?"  
"Great, actually."  
"You want us to wait?"  
"Nope. Bring everyone on back." Zeke smiles and hurries out of the room.

I wake Tris just as Megan comes in the room. She looks between Tris and I and the baby, but doesn't move any further than the door. Zeke just gives me a look as he stands behind her, hands on her shoulders.

"Hey, come here," I say. "Mommy's just waking up from a nap and she wants to see you."  
"Hey, baby," Tris says. "Hop up here so you can meet your little brother." She hesitates for just a second before smiling. She's mindful of Tris as she climbs onto the bed, settling in the space Tris created for her. I stand as Tris puts a pillow in her lap, and gently place the baby in Megan's arms.  
"Megan, meet your little brother, Leo." I stare down at his head full of crazy brown hair, and smile at how fitting it already is.

My little lion.

As if on cue, he opens his eyes and stares up at Megan.  
"Hi," she says. They stare at each other for a few, and I glance to my left to see Shauna taking a picture with her phone. Leo makes a tiny noise, and Megan goes stiff.  
"It's okay," Tris says. "He's just making his baby noises. He's saying hi back." Megan nods and continues looking at him.

"So, how does it feel to be a big sister?" Zeke asks. Megan looks up at him and smiles.  
"It feels like I have a whole family." Even Zeke can't hold back at that statement. We all look at each other, letting out little laughs as we wipe our eyes.  
"Why are you crying?" she asks as she looks around.  
"Because we're happy," I say. "These are happy tears."

We have a party a few days after Tris comes home. Nothing crazy like we used to, but still, everyone is able to get together and that is what's important. We sit around, taking turns playing with the kids and holding the baby, pestering Christina and Marlene about when they're gonna become moms. They both laugh it off, but I see that look in Christina's eye, and I know she won't be far behind.

Anna and Megan are playing barbies. Leo is sleeping in Shauna's arms. Oreo, the little black and white terrier we adopted is asleep at Tris' feet. Everyone just looks…happy. Even Tori, who swears she hates being called grandma yet smiles widely every time anyone says it.

I'll never get over the fact that this is my life. All of these people, I belong to them just as much as they belong to me. We may not talk from time to time because life gets in the way, but when it matters most, they'll always be there.

My heart beats a little harder when I see Tris staring at me. She has a smirk on her face and it makes me melt just a little bit. I'll never tire of the way she loves me. If you would have asked me six years ago what my life was going to be like, I could never have come up with this in my wildest dreams. I never thought I deserved it.

But I know better now.

I smile at Megan, who runs over and sits in my lap. She holds her hand over my tattoo like she so often does, and looks up at me.  
"Are you going to get a another one?"  
"For Leo?" She nods. "Of course." She bites her cheek for a moment before asking what she really wants to know.  
"Is there enough room?" I scrunch my eyebrows at her, but her gaze never falters. When she traces the approximate size of it, I think I get it.

"You mean, is there enough room here?" I ask, pointing to my heart. She nods again. "There will always be enough room in my heart for all of you. Don't you ever worry about that, okay?"  
"Okay. Can I give Leo a kiss?"  
"Absolutely. Just be gentle." She nods and climbs up next to Shauna, who leans over just enough so she can kiss her brother on the head. She hops down and goes back to playing with Anna, and I just smile.

There are still times when I wake in the middle of the night, terrified that this has been one long dream and I'm back living under my fathers rule. On those nights though, I just look to my right and see Tris, and I know that everything is okay. It's the one thing I can be certain of in my life. Those dreams may never stop, but I don't let the fear rule me now. The love that my family gives me and the love that I have for them is absolute; it's enough to get me through anything.

I may not know what else my life has in store for me, but I am certain of one thing. In this moment, my life is complete.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Semisonic - Closing Time  
> Five years, 9 months
> 
> "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
> 
> Well, that's all there is for this story. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. All of your reviews and favorites and follows mean the world to me. I enjoy doing this, and it makes me happy to know that it makes you guys happy too. A million thank you's and hugs for everyone!
> 
> I am in the middle of writing another story. Going back into the Divergent landscape for this one. In the meantime to tide you all over, I have a bunch of one shots that I wrote when I was feeling extra lovey-dovey. Each one is independent, and they're all meet-cutes. So lots of FourTris fluff is coming your way! I'll start posting them next week or so, so make sure to follow me if you aren't already to get updates on my new stories!


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